My mother is diagnosed Bipolar disorder, but my therapist and I think she may have some undiagnosed Borderline traits. Her thinking is very twisted, and she can be very passive aggressive and manipulative.
Last night, she and I had a heated discussion. It seems that whenever my childhood experiences come up, she compares my experience to hers, and says I did not have it so bad. When it comes to my mental illness, she compares mine to hers or my older brother's, and minimizes mine, saying I was not as sick as they were. She does not remember things she said to me when I was a teenager, and vehemently denies and accuses me of lying.
She refuses to acknowledge my pain in any way, shape, or form. Yet, she uses her mental illness as an excuse for things that happened when I was growing up. I am 54, and I have no fond memories of her as a mother. She totally lacks empathy.
She was shocked when I told her that if I had not taken responsibility for the things that happened when my kids were growing up, they would not be in my life. My son, at 33, told me that last year. Because I stopped making excuses for my mistakes, I have a healthy relationship with all three of my kids.
Last night, she realized I remind her of her mother, who was violent and hostile, so much so, Mom went to live with her Father as a child. Then, as she was leaving she called me "Mom" several times, even after I told her not to.
She has never cared how anyone feels, and now that she is older, she acts as if she is entitled to be as mean and insensitive as she wants to. She doesn't care how her words impact the people she is talking to.
I know she won't change. I also know, I don't have to expose myself to her, especially when I am vulnerable like I've been lately. My doc changed my antidepressant, and I don't feel it is working as well as my previous med.
My sister keeps telling me I shouldn't even try to talk to her. For some reason, she is able to let Mom's criticisms and remarks not get to her. I just can't be so passive.
I guess I just needed to vent. Thanks for reading this Prayers would be appreciated.
__________________ Seek always to do some good, somewhere. Every man has to seek in his own way to realize his true worth. You must give some time to your fellow man. For remember, you don't live in a world all your own. Your brothers are here too. Albert Schweitzer
What you describe, Madison, sounds so sad. I have had similar struggles with my mom and have been so unhappy, and eventually decided to break off contact. I haven't seen her for about 13 years. Once in a while I phone her, but after a few minutes she starts the bad stuff again. The separation has enabled me to forgive her and get rid of the resentment, but I really don't want to se her again, i will just be slandered to death. I see no reason to endure that, it might trigger years of bad feelings again.