Is marriage worth it?

Then you've already made your decision and answered your own question, it seems.

[/thread]

__________________

One cant afford to make general assumptions based on 1 or 2 life experiences. It's totally skewed and it doesnt show much faith in God's goodness.

__________________

You sound like myself before I got married. Truly I think it is generally better to stay single. This is however conditional. Do you desire to be married? You must have asked the question for a reason. Can you live a life without sex, without your own children, without that intimate company with a wife? If so I will not be advocating marriage for you. The bible never did. If you are denying yourself out of fear which is as it sounds well all I can share is my own experience.

For my own case being alone never filled me with dread or fear. I saw other married women and my friends in relationships and thought that it really did not seem worth it. They let another person ruin their life or they ruined the other person's life. The cut down someone else so that they could grow like a great tree overshadows and starves a plant and stops it from growing at all. This was not the kind of thing I wanted at all. My parents have a good relationship but I rarely saw others with a good relationship. Marriage is licence for some to treat their partner in a way one would think our conscience would dictate we should never treat another human being. They treat them like possessions or tools. Our neighbor treated her husband as a "tool". "Jim" was good for mending this around the house and bringing money home but not much else, she always showed much contempt for him. Meanwhile most of the avenue wives let their husbands or boyfriends (in the case where they cohabited) treat them worse than a skivvy. I saw this as worse because a person would at least pay a scullery maid.

Then there was the manipulative/patronizing type who tried to make their husband/wife feel happy about being treated as less than human. The victims sometimes had what I believe is called Stockholm syndrome. I attended a girls school, I met my fair share of friend's boyfriends that could encourage anyone to eternal celibacy but for some reason my friends were immune. They allowed themselves to be bought by kind words, gifts and platitudes by boys/men who just used them. By then the users just went to greener fields. It amazes me still there are people who will search far and wide for someone to manipulate/dominate/treat badly. They prey on those physically/economically/mentally weaker than themselves. Some will cross countries and I don't doubt some would have looked extra-terrestrially if the opportunity ever presented itself.

Then I met a man and I realized that it does not have to be like that. You do not have to place the world's limitations upon yourself. No matter how bad the world/people seem to be there are others trying to live righteously and who are also trying to love their neighbor. You can make your own set of rules and guidelines as a couple. It is rather exciting once you get over the fear of it. Still you recognize the two of you are humans, you make mistakes. Marriage is not a walk in the park but the companionship from another can more than make up for it. Know what you believe and the creator you believe in and let him show you the way. I thought I would never marry but there you go.

__________________
Quantum physics makes me happy…it’s like looking at the universe naked.
– The Big Bang Theory

Brilliant post Sailor I admire your testimony.

Im pretty stumped myself..I feel like sometimes I YEARN to be alone..then again I have never NOT been with someone starting at a very ealry age and I made my life about it..

I guess what Im saying is I cant even for myself say if its "worth it or not' because I have never HAD the 'or not' part..Really except for very very young and even then I was "searching" for love in all the wrong places as the song goes and I was engaged by 17 and married by 20..and Im 44..

Besides the fact everyone is unique ...I really cant even comment like I said as far as myself becasue again I dont know the alternative in a way I could have any idea..the alternative is a dream..or a fantasy ..a completely different world I've never known..Most of the time I settle on I just wish I had TRIED the alternative and made a decsion to marry after I at least new the freedom of NOT having to constantly be concerned with this other person on a daily basis..its definately tiring..even the concept of wantign my needs met form him is exausting and quite frankly seems like a major disspointment....Id to be honest sometimes wish I didnt evne have any needs or desires that would make it a lot easier..the thought of getting a lobotomy has seemed like a relief lets put it that way...or electro shock..But STILL I cant say 'it isnt worth it" because how would I know..I was practically born married LOL!!Or at least thats what it feels like..

Dallas

Darktipper-OP
Is marriage worth it?
Is it? I think people can save themselves from serious heartache and pain if they don't get married. I find it funny when people try to force people to get married then want them to get over a bad breakup as if it is easy.... I have thought about this and see no point......

Also I can't see myself getting married either. I think that I would get cheated on so I would rather be alone. Is that the right choice?

In your case at this time you do not want the possibility of the pain of being cheated on even if there are some advantages to being married. You must be a little opened to marriage as you posted your thread.

You asked if being single is the right choice. Of course the single/marriage question is so dependant on the individuals involved as can be seen by the responses already made on this thread. However, I will give you my point of view which is going to be very general. First I want to comment on what has already been said.

Quote of SAILOR
I saw other married women and my friends in relationships and thought that it really did not seem worth it. They let another person ruin their life or they ruined the other person's life

I have seen the same thing that Sailor has seen. Actually my observation is slightly different than Sailor. The way I would word it is that some married people allow others the ability to damage their life; can’t recall that I have seen others ruin their life. Besides, in most cases if the other person is ruining your life you have a very good chance to change that in the USA.

If you have concluded that your life is going to be like what Sailor described in most of her post then I would say that you are definitely much better off remaining single.

Quote of JRSUT
When God is in it, I can guarantee it is worth it.
God made people to be with people, to fellowship with one another. Marriage is one of the most beautiful, deep relationships there can be

.

Here for me is a very optimistic view of marriage and it can be true. In fact I would like to add to JRSUT’s statement of “When God is in it, I can guarantee it is worth it.” I would add that every marriage that I have seen that is worth it had God in it. For those marriages that I saw that was not worth it, none had a committed heart and actions towards God on both partner’s part. JRSUT has given you one of the main ingredients in a successful marriage.

Quote of JANE
There are tremendous benefits to being married, and having children has been - for me - the most amazing experience of my life. It has also been one of the toughest. So, if you want children, you should be married, because raising children alone is twice as hard in most circumstances (obviously there are exceptions to the rule.)


It does take a lot of patience, prayer and hard work to maintain a marriage, so if you want an easy life - yeah, don't get married.

Jane has hit on the most life changing experiences in my married life. Having children can make life so worth living and is so touching in the spirit and emotions. Having children can also be a nightmare for some.

I would also say the same thing as Jane did except just a little different. Here is how I would say it

It does take a lot of patience, prayer and hard work to maintain a marriage, so if you want anlife that has a better chance of less trouble but not the potential to experience children with a father and a mother- yeah, don't get married.

Quote of Link
If you can go without the sex and companionship that goes along (or should go along) with marriage, and you want to devote the time and energy you should spend on pleasing a spouse on pleasing the Lord, go for it. From what Paul wrote in I Corinthians 7, it would seem that is actually a higher calling.

If your strongest ambition is to please God than Link is right on target. My pastor who is married and a great promoter of God’s word is married and has 5 children. His wife left him a few years ago for almost 2 years. I do not know why but I strongly believe that my pastor struggled to stay true to God and did stay true. I know for a fact that he encouraged us to remain faithful to God’s word and he was never bitter and always uplifting in that 2 year period. That is faith under fire to me! I have known my pastor since he was a young boy and if he had the gift of celibacy he would not have had the troubles that come with marriage. In my opinion what Link talked about is a HIGHER calling but is not very common.



My conclusion:
You are going to have troubles and suffering if you are single or married but in most cases you will have less trouble and suffering if you are single. You will forfeit having children being single unless you become a single mother in which case you may have financial difficulties and your child will be without a father or mother. By not giving your trust and love to someone you will miss the deeper warm emotions in life but you will also avoid the deeper pains.

DO NOT get married as long as you are questioning whether you should remain single or married. Never get married when you think that single would be better or even that single will be as good as marriage.


Go for the Marriage if:
If you want to have the possibility of having some one that will be by your side as you get older and someone that you can have a closer warmer intimate relationship with.

If you want the possibility of having children and having those children become the most rewarding experience in life.

If you want someone to add to your financial situation

Then those are possible advantages in marriage.

This is what I have observed in my 63 years of life and 42 years of marriage.

Stan

At least some peopel know its an option and I agree..I never thought I WOULDNT get married it was a "life fact" for me I was taught as a girl.."when you grow up and get married and have your own kids" etc..wasnt "presented to me" as thier WAS an alternative..I had one aunt even that got marreid AFTER I did in her early 30' s and my grandmother felt 'sorry for her she didnt "have a husband"..

Gettign married for me was an "assumption" there wasnt a "choice" per say..No one said OR you can remain single..and even be happy and content that way..I do remember wanting to stall it..BIG time..And I made it to 20..LOL!!!(but engaged and with one child already)..

Dallas

Marriage is totally worth it, if you wait for the right one. I love being married. My husband is my best friend. We were best friends before and still are almost 9 years of marriage later.

I do see so many people getting married because they think they are supposed to and it rarely works out and they are not happy. I waited and I was picky. I wasn't going to marry just anybody. I had been in a few relationships and I knew what I didn't want. My husband was my friend first and I didn't even think of him in a romantic way for a long time and one day it just hit me. I knew he was who I wanted to marry and who God chose for me.

So, yes, I think marriage is certainly worth it. You sound very much like a friend of mine, he never wanted to get married or be 'tied down.' One day he met the right girl and 5 years later they are still happy. I always say, you know when you know. lol I hope that makes sense.

__________________
I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me.
Philippians 4:13

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

People always ask me when are you getting married or why aren't I going out on dates etc.... I used to until I got flaked on and lied to constantly so I stopped. It wasn't like at the time my dream woman was going to show up lol. I had some women get mad at me for staying single. (I guess they wanted to date me or whatever but I stopped due to what will end up happening... me getting played over and over again). It is not the fear of commitment or tied down for me it is more about being dumped lol. I am a homebody anyways. Women would find me boring lol. Therefore I just keep to myself and call it a life. Sometimes I wonder if God is facepalming when he is looking at me....

__________________

You sound like you have zero self-esteem. Everything you say is draped in negativity, especially when it concerns yourself. If I might be so blunt for just a moment, you sound as though you want us to all gather 'round and say "There, there" rather than actually listen to anyone's advice.. If you want to live like that, it's your choice, but you will get basically nowhere with that state of mind.

If you got into a relationship, could you get dumped? Sure. There's always that risk. If you got married, could it end in divorce? Life has no guarantees, so sure. If you walked out of your door today, could you get hit by a jet liner being piloted by panda bears? You know what, maybe.

My point is: Everything is possible to some degree. If you want to try to preempt everything in life by just not trying in the first place, then you may as well lock yourself in your house and never leave.

So you have two choices: Be miserable, curl up in a ball and keep saying "Woe is me, I'm so boring, no one will ever wanna date me, everyone will leave me"... or! You take a few risks, hold your head up high, say "I'm worth good things in life" and see where you get. If you get burned, you just brush it off and keep on going.

Your life, your choice. I've had to choose between these two things before.. I chose Option A for a lot of years, and wasted a lot of my young life. So even though it's your choice and not mine, let me give you a piece of advice from experience: Choose Option B.

__________________

I was really tempted to make a wise crack about the Predator picture you have as your avatar, but I should refrain.

If you want to be celibate to please the Lord, that's great. But if you really want to marry and you have just given up hope because of a few bad experiences, that's pretty sad.

There are lots of women out there who want to find one man to marry and don't want to play dating games, like dating multiple men. If you want to marry, you need to find a godly woman with the right values, someone who wants a commitment, who values being faithful, who is also a good match for you. That means there is enough attraction between you for a relationship and your personalities have to click well enough. To marry a woman like this, you need to have the right kind of character yourself. You need to be serving the Lord whole-heartedly.

How do you find a woman serious about marriage? One thing that helps a woman be serious is if she reaches a certain age, and she has always wanted to marry, but it hasn't happened yet. A woman in her early 20's might not be serious yet, depending on the woman.

If I were single and looking for a wife in the US, I wouldn't want to get someone who holds to the general pop culture ideas about marriage, who gets her ideas of morals about marriage from TV, and supplements her thinking with a bit of church thrown in. I'd want someone who had a Biblical worldview when it comes to marriage. I also would want a woman with traditional values.

there are ways to get a wife without going through the US dating game. You could look for wives at churches that were kind of into Biblical patriarchy-- or maybe an ex-Amish girl. These are sub-cultures where young women are serious about marriage. The patriarchal girls are raised to get married. If she has 'kissed dating good-bye', and if a suitor gets permission from her dad, you may not have a lot of 'competition' since other men may be less likely to jump through the hoops. And if she's raised in this kind of subculture and embraces it, chances are, she won't have any boyfriends on the side. So you 'court' and if you like each other and win her and her family over, you marry. I hear some of these young women stay at their dad's house a long time. It's hard to find a suitor in our culture without dating, I guess. Maybe there are conferences for this sort of thing.

You could also marry a woman from a culture that uses either matchmakers for marriage partners or for dating. I met a man who wanted to marry. He met a Korean pastor who set him up with a woman from church who had never married. They were both middle-aged at the time. You'd still want someone who was a good match for you. If you go the matchmaker route, things can be rushed. I had a friend whose getting along in years and hasn't married yet, and a little research showed that there are Indian websites where marriage candidates, either male or female, or their parents, post pictures and profiles. You can search based on denomination or phrases like 'born again' if you choose 'Christian' as the caste. I don't know what they do if someone responds to one of these ads. My friend didn't seem to interested in the Indian website. Some posters were non-Indians. I hear that Indian parents interview a marriage candidates family and try to determine if the two are a suitable match. Doing this over the Internet without family on your side who are experienced with this helping you out might not work the same.

You may not want to be that extreme. I talked to a young Christian man this week who was single. I asked him if he had been dating anyone. It turns out he'd just started a relationship. He's a worship leader, and she works for a missions organization. He had asked one of his cousins if she knew anyone who might make a good wife for him, and she introduced him to this young woman. They had apparently hit it off. He said they'd spent four hours talking one night. I don't know how you meet women, but it might not be a bad idea if you know someone who really loves the Lord who knows a lot of people to pray for you about being single and ask if that person knows anyone. There are a lot of serious, quality, single women out there tired of guys who play games, who are looking for a serious, quality man who fears the Lord for marriage.

Of course, you could just do the dating thing where you just ask a young woman out, but reconsider how you are going about it. Do you have some kind of character or spiritual criteria a woman must meet before you ask her out? I did not date a lot, but I married well. I wanted a woman who was freakishly beautiful, of course, but mainly she had to really love God, and it was important to me for us to have certain beliefs in common.

I think prayer meetings are a good place to find potential marriage partners, btw. There are lots of activities like this. A lot of times, someone has to be pretty serious about serving the Lord to go to a meeting just for prayer. It's not the only place to find a woman who is serious about the Lord, but I still think its a good idea. Going to a prayer meeting doesn't guarantee that a woman will be a good wife, but it's a lot better idea than picking up a woman in a bar.

It could be that the Lord has this great woman picked out for you, but He could be working on some things in you before letting you two get married. So pray for the Lord to make you into the kind of man who would be an excellent husband.

I've been married for 13 years, and I can tell you, it's a good thing. Every couple will face difficulties, but it's a real blessing to be married.