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  #1  
Old 17th May 2012, 05:38 PM
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Another vow problem, can't tell if it's OCD

So I've been under major struggle with OCD lately. I had struggled with the vow thing hard core earlier this year and after that I started having major trouble with some old topics like the unforgivable sin, and some new ones like possession.

While all this has been going on I have quit school and am now looking for full time work. I am looking for work in Information Technology as that is a field I love and am good at. I have 5 years experience in it and feel that I would be wonderful at it.

Today I was experiencing some extreme frustration. Finding these jobs are really hard and everyone has been telling me to just take a job at Home Depot or something. Now there is nothing wrong with a retail job but I feel that at this point in my life it is better to wait longer and get into something that will be great for long term than it would be to just randomly get a job that has nothing to do with my career.

Well, job hunting is HARD, anyone who is doing it know that! I was extremely frustrated today, and my head was going on and on about this job thing. In my frustration I said something along the lines of "if I take a job like that (meaning something like Home Depot) then I will never work in IT". I said this in a way that made it seem like a vow.

Here's the thing, I've been doing really good at identifying OCD situations and dismissing them. Things like:

1. Making a decision with "vows"
2. Racing myself [I have to get off this chair before the song ends or "vow"]
3. Fixing other vows with new ones that negate the old ones
4. Using a vow to stop anxiety

What I did today falls into none of those categories. It was something that came out [mentally] because of pure frustration. Now I have no idea if I actually vowed this or not. I also don't know if I said that I couldn't get a job like Home Depot, or any non IT job in general. So now I'm afraid that if I go back into my current job temporarily that I am 100% disqualified from ever taking an IT job unless I want to go against God.

What's your take on this? The worst part is I can't really remember what I said, so I have no idea what to do.
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  #2  
Old 17th May 2012, 05:41 PM
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Also, that pushed me over the edge and I finally started Zoloft. The issue is, now I feel really funny from the Zoloft and that makes it even harder to figure out whether or not what I said was a vow. My mind feels totally different now than it did hours ago. I wish I would have taken this medication ages ago because the intrusive thoughts are already better.

I feel like I said what I said because I was angry and wanted to say that because it would make me feel better. I'm really upset.
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  #3  
Old 18th May 2012, 02:02 PM
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Hi,

I have OCD, and tend to make excessive vows. I make vows on almost everything. There are a number of types of cars I made vows to God I would not buy, employers I vowed I would not work for, etc. It becomes quite disabling. I am taken aback by the amount of vows I make on almost everything.

Recently, I prayed to God for Him to not honor any "vows" unless I say them out loud in the form of "I vow..." and mean it (they can't be vows made out of compulsion), but must be vows I have come to as a process of careful, thoughtful deliberation on any matter.

Hopefully, this will prevent me from feeling obligated to stick to every thought that enters my head. Some times if I make a mental statement like "I will put the papers away in 15 minutes", and I delay, I feel like I am sinning against God by breaking my word. I think there are cases where we are not really making a vow to God, just a internal statement before ourselves of our intentions about something. I think because God is so close and we do not want to displease God, we look at it like it is a vow to God, when it really may not be. A thought may be an internal statement, not a "vow" to God. Obviously, this is not in every situation, but I think it can account for some.

I am hoping to start traditional neurofeedback therapy sometime soon, which has been said to be helpful for OCD. It is not cheap, but I am willing to try to invest the money in getting better, even if it means I have to pick up extra work to do it.

Will pray for you.

God bless.
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  #4  
Old 18th May 2012, 02:28 PM
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Originally Posted by flowerforever7 View Post
Hi,

I have OCD, and tend to make excessive vows. I make vows on almost everything. There are a number of types of cars I made vows to God I would not buy, employers I vowed I would not work for, etc. It becomes quite disabling. I am taken aback by the amount of vows I make on almost everything.

Recently, I prayed to God for Him to not honor any "vows" unless I say them out loud in the form of "I vow..." and mean it (they can't be vows made out of compulsion), but must be vows I have come to as a process of careful, thoughtful deliberation on any matter.

Hopefully, this will prevent me from feeling obligated to stick to every thought that enters my head. Some times if I make a mental statement like "I will put the papers away in 15 minutes", and I delay, I feel like I am sinning against God by breaking my word. I think there are cases where we are not really making a vow to God, just a internal statement before ourselves of our intentions about something. I think because God is so close and we do not want to displease God, we look at it like it is a vow to God, when it really may not be. A thought may be an internal statement, not a "vow" to God. Obviously, this is not in every situation, but I think it can account for some.

I am hoping to start traditional neurofeedback therapy sometime soon, which has been said to be helpful for OCD. It is not cheap, but I am willing to try to invest the money in getting better, even if it means I have to pick up extra work to do it.

Will pray for you.

God bless.
_______
Acts 22:16 "And now why do you wait? Rise and be baptized and wash away your sins, calling on his name."
Thanks for the reply. This one has really been shaking me bad. I've never thought that under these circumstances before so I'm having trouble figuring it out. I have no idea why I said it or why I would say it. The problem is the farther I get from the time it happened, the less I remember.

My scheduler wants me to work Saturday. I don't know what to say since I don't know if I said that I can't work a retail job, or any non IT job, or whether this is just some OCD crap.

I'm worried that I said that because I just wanted to say something bad, although that makes no sense either. I doubt I would be that stupid. I would imagine if I actually meant it I would remember but I have no idea.

The zoloft is really helping but I'm still stuck trying to figure this out.
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  #5  
Old 18th May 2012, 03:49 PM
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Hi,

I don't know exactly what was going through your head, or what God's will would be for you in this situation. However, I do want to point some things out:

You said: "I have no idea why I said it or why I would say it." - That makes me think it is probable it was an intrusive thought in the form of a vow. You also said "I'm worried that I said that because I just wanted to say something bad, although that makes no sense either. I doubt I would be that stupid. I would imagine if I actually meant it I would remember but I have no idea."

The high level of uncertainty about the whole ordeal, and the way you describe it makes me highly suspect that this was an OCD episode. Your "urge" to say something bad (if that's what it was), combined with a vow immediately afterward which in your own words you said you have "no idea why" you said it or why you would say it, all sounds like OCD. Did the vow you made have to do with thoughtful deliberation about IT regarding a spiritual issue, or when you made the vow did you feel like the words were quickly put in your mouth or you were being forced against your will by your mind? Though I am not certain, I personally doubt God is going to hold you accountable for something that was beyond your control. Further, did you really make this vow to God, or did you make it to yourself within your own heart?

It really sounds like OCD to me.

God bless.
________
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  #6  
Old 18th May 2012, 04:00 PM
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I realize how hard it is to find a job and have OCD. I have OCD, too. I hope you will keep posting about it. I really don't have any advice, sorry. I will pray for you. God bless you.
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Old 18th May 2012, 11:37 PM
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No worries Mitzi I justy threwe up while Iwas sleeping.
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Old 19th May 2012, 07:08 AM
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Originally Posted by dabro View Post
No worries Mitzi I justy threwe up while Iwas sleeping.
What?
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Old 19th May 2012, 07:51 AM
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OCD magical thinking. Your words do not have that much power. Feeling super anxious or obsessive about it is the clue that it's OCD. People say "never" all the time about all sorts of things. It's just a way to exaggerate a concern. It's meaningless so ignore it.
Mitzi

Originally Posted by gtp40 View Post
So I've been under major struggle with OCD lately. I had struggled with the vow thing hard core earlier this year and after that I started having major trouble with some old topics like the unforgivable sin, and some new ones like possession.

While all this has been going on I have quit school and am now looking for full time work. I am looking for work in Information Technology as that is a field I love and am good at. I have 5 years experience in it and feel that I would be wonderful at it.

Today I was experiencing some extreme frustration. Finding these jobs are really hard and everyone has been telling me to just take a job at Home Depot or something. Now there is nothing wrong with a retail job but I feel that at this point in my life it is better to wait longer and get into something that will be great for long term than it would be to just randomly get a job that has nothing to do with my career.

Well, job hunting is HARD, anyone who is doing it know that! I was extremely frustrated today, and my head was going on and on about this job thing. In my frustration I said something along the lines of "if I take a job like that (meaning something like Home Depot) then I will never work in IT". I said this in a way that made it seem like a vow.

Here's the thing, I've been doing really good at identifying OCD situations and dismissing them. Things like:

1. Making a decision with "vows"
2. Racing myself [I have to get off this chair before the song ends or "vow"]
3. Fixing other vows with new ones that negate the old ones
4. Using a vow to stop anxiety

What I did today falls into none of those categories. It was something that came out [mentally] because of pure frustration. Now I have no idea if I actually vowed this or not. I also don't know if I said that I couldn't get a job like Home Depot, or any non IT job in general. So now I'm afraid that if I go back into my current job temporarily that I am 100% disqualified from ever taking an IT job unless I want to go against God.

What's your take on this? The worst part is I can't really remember what I said, so I have no idea what to do.
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Old 1st November 2012, 11:21 AM
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I am too ocd sufferer. I understand your feeling. I am bhuddist. but whatever regligion you are but thing of this. I have religion ocd. so I have uncontroable vow. However, the truth depend on our heart and action. if your haearth and action do not aim to do this thing why worry. God or wheveer religion you are in will understand this. If god is truely merciful he will understand you have ocd it is not your fault. if your hearth and action alway aim to do good you dont have to afraid of anything
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