Hi everyone. My Grandma died on June 16 of 2011. She raised me from the time I was 13 until I moved out. I was very close to her. I miss her so much. I just want to die and go to Heaven and be with her.
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"We've had enough of exhortations to be silent! Cry out with a hundred thousand tongues. I see that the world is rotten because of silence." - Saint Catherine of Siena
I'm sorry that it hurts so much. When they die, it seems like we are left with a big hole in our hearts.
I am a little concerned because of the wording you used. Are you able to function on a relatively normal level and just really feel her absence...or does the idea of wanting to die to be with her kind of control your life? If it does, then I wish you would seek some counseling and help. If it is just that you are approaching the anniversary of the death and it is hitting hard again, then you are doing okay.
I do understand. My husband died 3 1/2 years ago and he is in my thoughts and missed everyday. However, I do continue to live in this world. For the longest of time, I had to face each day knowing that it brings me one day closer to seeing him again.
Well, I am able to function on a normal level. I don't always have this desire to die but sometimes when I get depressed, I do have that desire. I wouldn't call it a suicidal desire though. I just wish God would take my life sometimes.
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"We've had enough of exhortations to be silent! Cry out with a hundred thousand tongues. I see that the world is rotten because of silence." - Saint Catherine of Siena
Yes, I do understand that feeling and I still have times where I feel like that. If it ever starts to be overwhelming, please do seek counseling and help. Grief does have a way of hitting harder at the "anniversaries"....be it the anniversary of her death or things like your birthday. Be kind to yourself and look to God to carry you through these hard times.
I have found comfort in young widow's forums because it is there I have found support from people who really do understand and can measure what is "normal". I am not sure if there are forum for people who have lost parents (which your grandmother was) but you might want to google search that. I do know of one general grief (related to death) website called Hello Grief. It is primarily aimed at children who have lost their parents. I am not sure if it is mainly for for minor children or if it has areas for adult children...but anyway, it should have useful information to help you anyway and might be worth looking at anyway. The site is Hello Grief - Grief Support - Bereavement Support - Grieving Support Groups - Support Groups for Grief
((hugs))...cry when you need to and take each moment as it comes. It does get easier.
"Our danger is to water down God’s word to suit ourselves.
God never fits His word to suit me; He fits me to suit His word." Not Knowing Whither, 901 R
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