Being Single

I have been asked to speak to a group of ladies at our Church on the topic of being single. I personally do not have this life experience but I do have many single friends for whom I have a heart for. As a pastor's wife I have spent many hours listening to singles and encouraging them in the unique struggles they face.

At first I did not want to teach the class as I don't have personal experience but I want to be open if this is a topic God has called me to teach. I am hoping to find help from singles through the forums.

I am new to these pages and am so thankful to have found you through a hubpage writer.

Thank you for any help or insight you may provide.

God Bless!
Susan Jill

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Susan Jill

As a single, I find it difficult to listen to most "marrieds" who make a point to speak about the single life. It is not because you've never been there or because I don't think that people are not able to understand other life experiences through observation. It is mainly because most married people I know see being single as a mere mile marker on the way to being married. When I hear a married person address singlehood, usually it is about dating or waiting for Mr. Right or perfecting yourself for your future mate. They almost always address singles as future married people rather than the complete individuals in Christ that they are, mate or no mate. I don't mean to knock marriage, but being single is about much, much more than waiting to no longer be single. And for many single people out there, marriage isn't even a future goal or idea. Most of my married friends don't understand that mindset because they've never been there, even when they were single.

As a single woman in my 30's with many single friends, I can say that one thing we often forget to focus on is the fact that we are blessed with the time and freedom to completely and unabashedly pursue God. The Apostle Paul urged people that it was better to remain single for just that reason. We can read, we can study, we can join with other groups of Christians to worship, and we can do all of that without worrying that we are neglecting a spouse or children. We have an awesome ability to follow God without strings attached, and yet so many times we are distracted by society's expectation that we should focus instead on finding a marriage partner. (If marriage truly is a desire, certainly it is good to date and get to know potential mates. But keep God as the ultimate focus.)

As far as struggles, I suppose that loneliness would be one of the highest on the list. Not every single person struggles with this, but many do, as they must make all of their life decisions on their own and do not have a best friend with whom to spend the day to day moments of life. To this I say that one can most certainly surround themselves with friends and family. Loneliness is a state of mind and something easily remedied if a person chooses to first be content with themselves as a child of God and then reaches out to surround themselves with loved ones. It is also important to realize that being married is not an instant fix. There are many lonely people within marriage relationships as well. As I once heard a pastor say, "I would rather be single wishing I was married than married wishing I was single." We all must realize that only God can truly fill all of our needs if we are to overcome these struggles, and we must also be ready and able to be content in whatsoever situation we find ourselves in. God can provide that contentment if only we will let Him work through us to do so.

If you have not yet spoken to the group at your church, I pray you will be able to find the right words. If you already have, I hope it went well.

Very well articulated, AndieGirl.

Wow, AndieGirl, I couldn't have said it better! I really get tired of all the assumptions in Singles Sunday Schools, etc... that we are all on the path to marriage and it's all we think about. At times, they've made me feel guilty for feeling like I didn't want to get to married. I had women saying it was natural for females to feel that way, and if they didn't feel that way, maybe they are just being self-absorbed. I have a career - a financial planner - and yes, it takes up some of my time, but I also have a lot of free time as well since I'm not on the clock. It would be a very easy to job to have as a married person. I don't completely rule out marriage, but I'm not sitting around looking and waiting for it, either. If God wants it for me, I know that He will accomplish it!

I can say I'm now a single but happy. I feel God gave me grace to enjoy it does not mean I have no desire to marry, but now I can focus on the things that were I in the moment. I can focus on work, serving in the church, have time with friends and family.
btw, I once read an article about being a single. There is said that a single happy to be a happy spouse when they got married anyway because she does not need someone else to please him He or she is a whole person.
I'm striving for reach it now

AndiGirl, Thank you so much for answering my question. Your heart for God beats passionately and I see that. Even as Paul wrote about contentment, you too have learned to be content in whatever state you find yourself. Not only are you content but you see the advantages of the freedom you now have to serve without any constraints. The quote you shared from your Pastor is a profoundly sad truth. I have seen such pain in married women who are not loved, neglected or who are abused.

Your comments on marrieds believing marriage is an ultimate goal and your conviction that it is not was very helpful. I think of the saying, Bloom where you are planted. You are testimony to blooming with grace.

I will not be speaking until September. I was given a good amount of time to pray and prepare. I so appreciate the honesty and transparency of believer's in this forum. God Bless you AndieGirl and thanks again!

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Susan Jill

alt6199 If there is one thing I am seeing through people's answers it's that being single means something different for each one.

It's very sad to know that people have made you feel guilty for being content with being single. As you say you have not ruled out marriage but you are not sitting around waiting for it either. Marriage is NOT an end all and you get that.

So many people marry for the wrong reasons and then find themselves in a complicated mess. They then must learn to be 'single hearted' in their devotion to God because of the mess. I commend you for believing that if God wants marriage for you then HE will accomplish it for you. You never want to settle for anything less than what God wants for you.

Thanks for your input, all of the comments are helping me in my preparation to speak. I appreciate the time you took to answer.
Blessings!

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Susan Jill

jcyami27, I see the grace of God given to you in that you are happy and enjoying your life as a single.

You say you have learned to live in the moment; I believe it is important for all believer's to live in the moment ... not looking back wishing it were different ... Christ died for that ... not looking forward wanting control it. This moment is a the time God has given us and each moment is precious when God is in it.

A person who is whole and complete in their relationship with Christ, when going into a marriage, will bring much to the marriage. Co-dependence is a huge issue with marrieds. The tendency is to put your expectations for happiness and fulfillment on your spouse. That doesn't go well .. at all! God has told us that He is to be first .. "Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all your heart, soul and mind." We are complete when we draw near to God and His Spirit completes us ... no one else can do that.

Thank you for your comments they have helped me in my own thinking process.
God Bless you sweet one.

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Susan Jill

Hi Mac,
The main emphasis will be on giving Jesus First Place in everything, from Colossians 1:18.

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Susan Jill

As promised, I will keep you updated on preparation and on the day of the event. I have written a summary and would like your input. You all have been so helpful to me and I appreciate your honesty. Though the class will be for women .. I value men's input as well. Thank YOU! Here it is:

First Place in Your Singleness
As a single, what does it look like when you put Jesus first in your life? What happens when surrender to His will becomes your primary focus? Is it possible to have a joy filled life without a man?



In a world of couples how can a single person feel significant? Are you getting the message that you’re not complete unless you are married? Do you believe that you will find contentment when you find the man of your dreams? Is your life on hold until you do?



Join in a discussion about the unique struggles and opportunities God gives to His single daughters. Broaden your perspective on singleness as you listen and see your life through your Father’s Eyes.



Warning – be prepared for some soul searching as we take an honest look inside ourselves.

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Susan Jill