"in sickness and in health"

dallasapple · #11 4th April 2012, 09:52 PM

Of course I would stay in "sickness' IMHO I think my husband has mental helath issues and has for a long tiem adn I've never left..I will say if they get any worse i'll have him committed and stay married "in sickness" with the house all to myslef..I'll go visit him though..

Dallas

UK Fred · #12 5th April 2012, 08:17 AM

Originally Posted by dallasapple

Of course I would stay in "sickness' IMHO I think my husband has mental helath issues and has for a long tiem adn I've never left..I will say if they get any worse i'll have him committed and stay married "in sickness" with the house all to myslef..I'll go visit him though..

Dallas

You might laugh, Dallas, but when the spouse has Alzheimer's or some other form of dementia that requires 24/7 support, you might need to have them in a nursing home. That's when the visiting becomes important. My mother's next younger sister married a man who had some form of inherited dementia which began to strike in the late 1960's. I remember his father being the same way when I was a child. He would not have harmed anyone, but he had no sense of danger and would walk on to a road without bothering whether there was any traffic. She aged years in the months after the diagnosis.

A former girlfriend's grandmother, a widow, was also a victim of dementia. She 'escaped her daughter's house and went to the house where she had lived when she was first married, got into the kitchen and started to beat the then present owner of the house with one of her own frying pans, telling her to get out of her house. This woman had young children and was terrified.

There is always the problem of how you protect someone with dementia from themselves, especially in a home environment. In this country (UK), there is even a problem protecting people from their own stupidity, without dementia, if you saw the story of the woman who was decanting petrol (gasoline for you folks over the pond) from one container to another in her kitchen with a gas cooker ignited and ended up with 40% burns.

While we may all glibly say that we will care for someone in sickness and in health when we are young, fit and healthy, caring for our spouse may have to mean putting them into nursing care and visiting, and showing our care by visiting daily. I can even remember from my youth one member of the church I attended being subject to church discipline for not honouring his marriage vows by visiting his wife, who had been committed to a local care establishment with dementia.

k450ofu3k-gh-5ipe · #13 5th April 2012, 08:15 PM

Originally Posted by LinkH

I agree with the idea that "in sickness and in health" includes if your partner is in a coma, has Alzheimers, impotent, etc. When they are sick is when they need you to care for them.

LovedSparrow · #14 6th April 2012, 12:50 AM

Agreed with the above posters, in sickness and in health means not leaving when the other spouse is ill.

I had to smile, with the trauma of things that happened this last month, I had two separate people joke to me in the same day, "In sickness and in health, right?" (strong Christians) I smiled and said yes. You see, my husband was almost killed in a car accident 3 weeks ago.

This accident has brought the two of us closer than we have ever been. He's had to rely on me for physical needs (dressing him, making food, etc.) and I've had the privileged of staying home to take care of him for 3 weeks. He can't drive for 4 months, well, we have great time talking in the car and at home! I was sad to have to go back to work.

God has plans for us in our sicknesses. He uses them for HIS glory!

Great thread idea.

Tamara224 · #15 6th April 2012, 10:52 AM

Blind post.

That article reminds me of a family we went to church with when I was a kid. They had a happy marriage and the husband was a great, fun-loving and likeable guy. He was a roofer and one day he fell off a roof and suffered severe head trauma and permanent brain damage. He recovered physically, but mentally, he was a different person. He became angry all the time and often violent towards his wife and kids. She stuck by him and for about 10 years suffered abuse at his hands. He ended up committing suicide.

I've always wondered what I would do in such a situation. Part of me applauds the wife's willingness to stick it out, part of me thinks she didn't do anyone any favors by it.

This may be tangential, but I noted the tone of alarm in the article linked in the OP about changing marriage vows, etc. That kind of alarmism always irritates me. It's not like our Western Christian wedding vows are universal law with worldwide application. They were developed through centuries of custom and culture, not written down by God on stone tablets for Adam and Eve to perform their kids' weddings. I see it as a good thing that people depart from the traditional vows to conform more to what they're actually willing to commit to (instead of making vows they don't really intend to fulfill).

I know that if I were the one who was permanently changed by brain damage or disease, I wouldn't want my husband to live the rest of my life suffering without a companion. Hmmm.... maybe I should put that in my living will.

Angeldove97 · #16 6th April 2012, 12:33 PM

Hubby is severely overweight and has family history of diabetes on both sides of his family. I don't think he has a clue on what diabetes can actually do to a human body if its not prevented or under control-- I unfortunately saw an Uncle destroyed by diabetes and that knowledge nags at me constantly.

I know I won't ever leave his side, but as his wife I do feel called to help and encourage him along to deal with his health issues. I find great annoyance when spouses don't look out for the other spouse when it comes to their health and make sure they take care of things. My Dad's an alcoholic and is clearly not healthy, but my Mom could honestly care less it seems by her actions and it really upsets me. (Though I shouldn't judge as I have no clue how to help my Dad at this point either)

chaz345 · #17 6th April 2012, 12:59 PM

Originally Posted by Tamara224

It's not like our Western Christian wedding vows are universal law with worldwide application.

When you get down to it they actually don't even come directly from Scripture. Certainly many of the concepts apply in a general sense, but it is my opinion that the over romanticizing of the traditional wedding vows, the elevating them to the same level as Scripture, is a part of what's wrong with marriage in the western world today.

Anessa14 · #18 7th April 2012, 10:51 AM

Originally Posted by Angeldove97

...

I know I won't ever leave his side, but as his wife I do feel called to help and encourage him along to deal with his health issues. I find great annoyance when spouses don't look out for the other spouse when it comes to their health and make sure they take care of things. My Dad's an alcoholic and is clearly not healthy, but my Mom could honestly care less it seems by her actions and it really upsets me. (Though I shouldn't judge as I have no clue how to help my Dad at this point either)

perhaps your mom is tired of beating her head against the wall. At least she's still there, and probably still making meals and keeping up the house, which may be the only way she has of caring for him.
A

Speculative · #19 7th April 2012, 11:57 AM

Originally Posted by Boidae

It's obvious how I view it. I am in my marriage "till death do us part" no matter how debilitated my wife becomes.

This, and the other posts like it, are the right answer (I tried to quote those as well, but it didn't work and I'm too lazy to go back and fix it).

The phrases "in sickness and in health", "for richer or poorer" etc. are just commentary on the "'til death do us part" phrase. People taking these vows are promising to be married to that person for life--they are not going to abandon them just because they become ill.

UK Fred · #20 7th April 2012, 11:59 AM

Originally Posted by Angeldove97

Hubby is severely overweight and has family history of diabetes on both sides of his family. I don't think he has a clue on what diabetes can actually do to a human body if its not prevented or under control-- I unfortunately saw an Uncle destroyed by diabetes and that knowledge nags at me constantly.

I know I won't ever leave his side, but as his wife I do feel called to help and encourage him along to deal with his health issues. I find great annoyance when spouses don't look out for the other spouse when it comes to their health and make sure they take care of things. My Dad's an alcoholic and is clearly not healthy, but my Mom could honestly care less it seems by her actions and it really upsets me. (Though I shouldn't judge as I have no clue how to help my Dad at this point either)

Surely the most important part of living with both your husband and your father is to not enable them to make matters worse. It is a matter of learning the difference between hurt and harm.