Why do I always attract abusers?

Chococat · #1 9th March 2012, 02:57 PM

By this I mean emotional/verbal abuse. I am extremely sensitive and grew up with insensitive parents who were sometimes emotionally abusive. Over the years I have been a magnet for bullies and emotional/verbal abusers including so called friends. I have a friend now who can be really nice at times but she makes fun of me in front of others sometimes. Last night she really humiliated me by making fun of my Christian values (even though she is supposed to be a Christian myself). I felt about a cm tall and when I poured out my pain on another section of this board the first poster gave an abusive answer and sided with my friend. I had a "Christian" online friend for a few years but had to stop talking to her because she was emotionally abusive. It's like the Devil has put a "kick me" sign on my back that attracts abusers, narcissistists and general jerks who see me as "easy prey". Anyone got any advice as to how to stop attracting these sort of people?

aflower4God · #2 9th March 2012, 03:29 PM

OHHHHHHHHHH my dear sweet loving sister, I KNOW how you feel. You and I are so much alike. But you know what, when there are gloomy rain clouds you have the good folks who LOVE YOU like I do, Chococat you are one of my longest email pals that i have ever had. I so much love talking to you. BUT I know it is hard to not think about what has happened to you cause guess what I AM THE SAME WAY. WHen someone upsets me I can't stop thinking about it and it hurts me to no end. SO YOU ARE NOT ALONE and as for the person humilating you like that, that is SO WRONG of them.
All my life my father told me I was easy target for not standing up to myself. NOT SAYING THAT YOU ARE, but how he handles difficult people is by using sarcastic humor, it seems to work, cause he had a boss after he lost his business that humilated him all the time, my father was a man of quick wit and would say something sarcastic but funny back to the man and everyone would laugh at the boss. This is something that I wish I inharrited from my father. :\
ANYWAY< you are not alone, I get it too and REMEMBER NO MATTER what someone says about you YOU ARE A HUUUUUUUGEEEEEEEEEEEEE BLESSING to me and many others. I AM SO GLAD that you are here!!!!!!!!!
here is a HUGE but gentle hug to you my dear sweet sister
[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[hugs]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]
I WILL BE PRAYING FOR YOU and PLEASE keep us (and me) posted. You mean the world to me!

Chococat · #3 10th March 2012, 10:13 AM

You are so right Petal. I do so wish I could come up with a sassy retort for these sort of people. I know as Christians we are supposed to forgive and love our enemies etc but these sort of people really need to be brought down a peg or 2!!!

aflower4God · #4 10th March 2012, 11:59 AM

Originally Posted by Chococat

You are so right Petal. I do so wish I could come up with a sassy retort for these sort of people. I know as Christians we are supposed to forgive and love our enemies etc but these sort of people really need to be brought down a peg or 2!!!

i totally understand, this has happened to me in the past too. I HOPE that you feel better soon my dear sweet loving sister.

KayScarpettaFan · #5 7th April 2012, 07:59 AM

You attract abusers because they "recognize" you. You are already "programmed" to please them ( you grew with abusive parents). You are like gold to them, because you are MORE tolerant than other people. Normal people would kick them away in minutes! You have been taught NOT to have boundaries-but YOU MUST build them. Decide what you are able to stand and what not. Being a Christian DOES NOT MEAN BEINg A DOORMAT. Jesus did not die for a doormat, but for a precious human being who has any right to be respected.

I would have a word with that " friend of yours" too.

Chococat · #6 7th April 2012, 10:47 AM

Thanks for the advice KSF

It's something I know I have a problem with as I tend to be a very passive person who will go out of my way to please people and I absolutely hate confrontation. I know it's something I will have to work on and it won't be easy but the Lord will help me. Btw have a great Resurrection Sunday

Johnnz · #7 8th April 2012, 09:27 PM

There can also be a demonic involvement in drawing other people to you. We have come across this many times. Specific prayer can be effective in bringing that to an end.

John
NZ

txmom2three · #8 9th April 2012, 12:02 PM

I was involved in an abusive relationship for 8 years. Since that time, God lead me to a program called Celebrate Recovery......I seemed to attract men who had some sort of "issue" whether it be anger problems, addictions, trouble being in relationships.....well in CR, I realized I struggle with co-dependency...it wasn't that these men with problems found me, it was that I looked for them....I am a caretaker...wanting to fix others, help others....so that I'd feel loved, or important...this is called co-dependency..and in the end...it usually hurts us more than anything. Message me if you have any more questions or want to know more about Celebrate Recovery.

LovedSparrow · #9 9th April 2012, 04:40 PM

Originally Posted by txmom2three

I was involved in an abusive relationship for 8 years. Since that time, God lead me to a program called Celebrate Recovery......I seemed to attract men who had some sort of "issue" whether it be anger problems, addictions, trouble being in relationships.....well in CR, I realized I struggle with co-dependency...it wasn't that these men with problems found me, it was that I looked for them....I am a caretaker...wanting to fix others, help others....so that I'd feel loved, or important...this is called co-dependency..and in the end...it usually hurts us more than anything. Message me if you have any more questions or want to know more about Celebrate Recovery.

Celebrate Recovery is a GREAT program.

I was in it for about 3 years and found the most healing and growth that I ever had. I agree, txmom2three. I had co-dependency issues as well, abuse too. I highly recommend CR. I met great friends, mentors and people who wouldn't leave or judge me because of my issues.

RuthD · #10 9th April 2012, 05:10 PM

I can relate to you, too. Been through the same torture by people. I am quiet but now I try to find a way to stand up for myself. It is perfectly okay for you to tell the people who would act that way that their behavior in unacceptable. I don't exactly use those words but I try to be assertive. I say how I feel when one of those persons puts me down. Ex. I feel hurt when you say_______________________. I would like you to not do that any more. If they won't listen they are not going to be a good friend to you. You need your feelings respected like we all do and you are worth it, too! Then sometimes if this kind of abuse keeps happening I have to kick them to the curb! This issue makes me angry because I am just so sick of being stepped on any more. It is hard to stand up for ourselves when we have been passive a long time. But we have every right to our respect. I hope this helps. God bless you.