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  #71  
Old 13th March 2012, 10:31 AM
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Luther, are you reading the OP's posts? That was a past event, not one that happened on the night she and her husband fought. "I think I've done worse things to him .." [past tense] I'm not minimizing what she did - but I think you need to read and understand that this was not recent, and that's why she's saying her memory is fuzzy. It didn't happen that night.

so once he grabbed my hair and smacked my head into the ground to calm me down. But I was trying to strangle him with a phone cord, so he was acting in self-defense
Past tense .. "once" .. and I'm not saying, if she did do it, that "once" is okay - I'm just trying to persuade you to read her posts properly, and get the right picture.
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  #72  
Old 13th March 2012, 10:47 AM
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Luther, I sincerely appreciate your concern for my husband - that's not a sarcastic comment. Lots of the other men on the forum know that I've often thanked them for seeing - and reminding me of - his side of the story at times when I'm only seeing my own selfish ends. I think you're entirely right to feel angry and upset about the things I've done to him - I'm pretty sure God feels angry and upset about it, too.

In case you think I'm trying to paint myself in a positive light by "changing my story" to say that I was wrapping the phone cord around my own neck (which was a separate incident about 7 months ago), I'll be completely honest. I've bitten him hard enough to draw blood. I've scratched his face hard enough to draw blood. I've hit him and slapped him and pulled his hair. I've called him horrible, horrible names and been disrespectful to him in public. Do you still think I'm trying to earn people's sympathy or show myself to be some kind of victim? To be competely clear, I have never wrapped or attempted to wrap a phone cord around his neck, or to murder him in any other way. But, for the record, I don't think it makes a jot of difference that I haven't done that, because I've done a whole bunch of other equally awful things.

Incidentally, the argument involving the phone cord was the same occasion that he grabbed my head by my hair and slammed it into our tiled floor. And I didn't call the police for my "ouchie" at that time because I believed rightly or wrongly that he was trying to protect me from killing myself. Accuse me of any and all of the things I've done, and I'll accept that, but don't accuse me of things that I haven't.

I'd like to ask you what you suggest I do to make it right, if the things I'm doing are being too lenient with myself. I've told the police that I've been violent with my husband, and they said it didn't matter to them. I've told them that he was acting in self defence. That didn't matter to them either. I've told my husband that, in order for it to matter (to the police), he has to make an allegation. There's no court case in which I can testify in his favour, or refuse to testify at all. Except for DH to make a counter-allegation against me, which I can't force him to do, there is no way for me to set the record straight in the eyes of the law, except to tell the police I fabricated the whole story, which isn't true either. The night he got arrested I went to all the local police stations, and there are alot of them - we don't live in a nice area! - to try to find the officer that had arrested him and set the record straight. When I found the station where he was being held, I reiterated everything to the officer on duty there, and said that the police didn't know the full story, but he said, again, that DH would have to make an allegation for my "confession" to count for anything. If my current response is the wrong one what would you say I should do? (And that's not a rhetorical question; I have a lot of respect for you, I think your head's screwed on a lot better than mine is, and if you have some advice I would welcome it.)

Unless you have any other suggestions, all I can do (for him) right now is let him live the rest of his life and not force a marriage on him that he doesn't want.

Last edited by peckaboo; 13th March 2012 at 10:57 AM.
  #73  
Old 13th March 2012, 11:52 AM
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puts the cool in coolwhip.

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  #74  
Old 13th March 2012, 03:37 PM
2015 - In defense of the Title

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Peck- I believe you have done all that is necessary from a legal standpoint in this last encounter. You have not shied away from your actions or responsibilities as a result of your actions. You have seperated from your husband, and that is good, too.

Please, continue to focus on your issues and getting the help you so desperately need for YOU. Except for the logistical stuff, you can't worry about your hubby, either. When he sees you improving your behaviors and reactions to healthy ones, then maybe he will follow. Maybe not, though. And that's his choice.

Many of us on here are praying for you.
  #75  
Old 13th March 2012, 04:13 PM
mkgal1's Avatar
His perfect way sets me free. 2 Samuel 22:33

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I second what Dallas said.

As far as counseling goes....did you see the number Athene had posted earlier....that may be an excellent resource for you:

Originally Posted by Athene View Post
Please please please call Woman's Aid on 0808 2000 247
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  #76  
Old 13th March 2012, 04:26 PM
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Thread is closed for staff review and a cooling off period.

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Update: Since this thread was a prayer request for a specific situation, which has now changed, it will remain closed.
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Last edited by Criada; 19th March 2012 at 07:09 PM. Reason: Updated
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