Throughout my life I've tended to make a number of vows out of no real reason, just a spark of terror could lead me to make some ridiculous vow.
(Vows I'd rather not discuss, they're incredibly ridiculous. ) But I've made so many that they've become to be a real problem, I try to eat something and wonder wether I've made a vow on this certain food and then a thought or fake memory of vowing comes to my mind, it frustrates me so much and gives me bad anxiety. It's taken it's toll on my life and it's complicated to go through a day without wondering if something is permitted or not.
Another problem is that I usually would just look at something and in the back of my mind say "I won't bother with that." And then later on I think that was a vow. I've been praying about it whether or not I should just get rid of these ridiculous vows or not but when I try it just makes me feel incredibly bothered and guilty, even with the vows that weren't vows because then I have to wonder maybe they were vows.
It's a big problem for me because these vows were made just because something itched in the back of my mind telling me to make them and if I don't I'd feel guilty about it.
So, what should I do? Do I keep these vows that had no real purpous other then just ocd related fear? And what about the ones that I don't even think I really made? What if there's a possibility I did make them?
And if I break them how will God feel about it?
I've been considering it, but I really don't feel comfortable in telling my parents. So searching for help online is my best help right now.
I saw your thread and the comments helped me. :>
After a lot of online hunting I defiantly now know I'm not the only one.
You are definitely not the only one. I have dealt with the vow things before HEAVY and still sometimes do. I am blessed to have gotten good help from a great therapist and doctor. Sweetie you never know. I was so afraid to tell my parents but they really helped me tremendously. They love you and remember they want the best for you Praying for you!!
Yeah, I would say ask the Lord for forgiveness about making ridiculous vows.
He is your heavenly Father who loves you deeply and wants the BEST for you! Jer29:11
Be honest with Him. and try and leave the vows behind. the more you give power to them, the more they will take form you. then you will be living in bondage to them, when really Christ has set you FREE! live in victory through Christ!
When one pops into your head, just think about how silly it is and move on. this is hard to do, we all know it.
Thanks, everyone. I'm trying my best to get better control over this and break the vows that were just made in my head, but I still feel a bad sense of guilt.
I can't help but feel God is angry at me for breaking these things and my mind always has a break down.
It doesn't help that after I had broken a vow that I think I had made ( I thought it was okay because it was one of those times where I just felt like God was angry and edging me on to make a vow so I made it, though without actually using the word vow just "I won't ever do that." And moved on. ) That I had gotten sick and have a bad headache now. That really brings on the anxiety and leads me to believe it was God who made me feel sick/in pain to punish me.
Although I know it's ok to get rid of the vows that were just made in my head and not to God, I still feel like the ones I made because something was troubling me in my heart to make them shouldn't be broken.
Example, I could be on a website and see a picture and decide to save it to my computer because it was just goofy? But my heart feels convicted as though I've done something wrong so I just say " Ok, I'll never look at that picture again." And for life I never see that picture again, or have anything to do with it.
I want to break those ones so much because I just feel like my heart had tricked me into making them and it makes me angry at God because I always think God was the one making me make that vow, and always feel like God's making me keep them too.
Even now I feel guilty for writing this because I just feel like God's angry at me for trying to get out of these vows somehow by getting some kind of good feedback.