Why am I so cold??

enslow · #11 13th December 2003, 08:06 PM

Originally Posted by momluvsjesus

I think posting to this thread has
made me realize that a lot of the problem is me not him, which is what I suspected in the first place.

The problem isn't 'you', nor is the problem 'him'. I really would encourage the both of you to go to counselling. It sounds as if both of you are talking at different levels and aren't understanding each other. Please keep us posted.

God bless you momlovsjesus.

Enslow

sioleabha · #12 13th December 2003, 08:45 PM

Originally Posted by enslow

I'm not sure what you mean by sharing everything. Although I think that being one flesh means you share much more with your spouse, I do think there are things that one should keep between oneself and God. For example, if I were married and I had a dream about having an affair, that would really trouble me. However, I would pray to God, and keep that to myself. I think that to share something like that would only trouble my wife unnecessarily. Also, I don't think would be into sharing toothbrushes.

What sort of things was he talking about not sharing?

Enslow

If my husband had a dream like that, I'd want to know. It might signal some problem we need to work on. And even if it does not, his honesty would make me feel like I can trust him, and like he can trust me.

I think men often miss that last part. When you say you won't tell your wife about something for her own sake, it's like you don't trust her to be able to deal with it. My husband occasionally hides things for that reason (he onced didn't tell me about some money he borrowed), and it disappoints me. I want the chance to prove that I trust him.

desi · #13 14th December 2003, 12:07 AM

The other day I was listening to Dr. Laura on the way home when she said something which might apply. She said a boy was listening to his grandfather tell stories one day when the grandfather said...

"Two wolves live inside me and decide how I behave. One is happy and kind while the other is mean. These wolves are constantly fighting each other to see who will get to decide how I behave."

To which the boy replied, "Which one will win?"

The grandfather answered, "The one I feed."

sioleabha · #14 14th December 2003, 12:25 AM

Oh, yes, that's an Indian (as in India) proverb! I love that one.

LN · #15 14th December 2003, 03:45 PM

I have thought about counseling for a while I just want to be sure it's what God wants me to do.

Sweetie, I'm going to go out on a limb here. This is very much a theological persepective of mine, but I believe God wants you to use the resources and gifts that he has provided for you (i.e. church, a christian counselor, or pastor). Again, this is my theological perspective so take it as you will. I'm just *personally* a believer in that God wants you to be proactive and pursue the resources He has provided for you in your life whenever possible.

I'm not gonna post to this thread anymore because it's too tempting for posting to become a means of complaining for me. The last thing I need is another outlet for complaining

This is an incredibly wise statement. Wiser than I probably would be in your shoes!

Yitzchak · #16 15th December 2003, 02:48 AM

Originally Posted by momluvsjesus

I think posting to this thread has
made me realize that a lot of the problem is me not him, which is what I suspected in the first place. I guess I need to talk to a counselor or my pastor's wife. I'm not sure how to approach this. But I'll keep seeking God and I know it will get better. It has to. I'm not gonna post to this thread anymore because it's too tempting for posting to become a means of complaining for me. The last thing I need is another outlet for complaining
So, thanks to all who posted. God bless you.

I hate to disagree when you are getting all humble and constructive here. I do agree with you having good attitudes like those, but what i disagree with is your thinking it is mostly you. My mother always said "it takes two to argue" and from your descriptions it is not just you.
My best advice for you is to seek God for a soft heart. You are in a tough situation. But no matter what the outcome in your situation, keeping a soft heart is essential. It does not come automatically in difficult emotional situations either. it sounds to me from your descriptions of your interactions with your husband that his heart is somewhat hardened at this point too. I will pray for him also concerning that.
I was in a marriage where my spouse was very abusive. Thankfully your's is not at that point. One of the things I realized after the divorce was that just like Jesus said when asked about allowing divorce "because of hard hearts it was allowed" my situation had hard hearts as the root of the problems. First my spouse was hard hearted towards me in being abusive and then I started to become hard hearted back.
I learned through my trials to treasure a soft heart and feel that a good marriage is impossible if both partners do not have a soft heart.
A soft heart is something only God can give us. But we need to ask Him for it and pursue it with perserverence because the natural course of life is to give us hard hearts. Now I am remarried to a wife who has a soft heart and our marriage is wonderful.
I am not sure exactly how you will get fropm point A to point B; but you must get there for the good of your marriage and your own spiritual groweth. The only suggestion I have is time in God's presence asking him to soften your heart. There is no short cut that I know of.