Should I confide in my husband???

Just from the topic of the my own answer should be yes but in this particular situation I am honestly torn.

My husband I both work for the same company. My position is one that allows me to have privilege of certain confidential even classified information. It's no secret that the economy has been in a slump and that includes the Department of Defense (who we are contracted out to). The DoD has ordered cuts and that trickled down to the Contractors as well.

Because of my position, I was made aware of these cuts and where they are being made; however we are I. The early stages and determinations of who to cut and how to cut are being settled.

My husbands department is the department that they are starting with. They have decided to go by rank according to seniority so my husband is safe but his close friend has been put on that list.

In the past, I would give information to my husband that was not to be put outside into the "general population" at that time but as his wife knew that it would settle concern within him. For example, when our contract was under bids, I kept him in the loop because it would have effected our family.

Well my husband ended up telling his co workers which compromised my office and my personal and professional integrity. Since then, I have not been so quick to share things with him due to my professionalism. It has not caused any problems because we are both mature enough to understand how to divide professional and personal. I understand why he told personally but professionally I can't let it happen it again. Same for my husband. He understands why I told him personally and understands why professionally, I can't always include him in on my knowledge.

But now that has changed. I feel as if I'm keeping something from him that I should share. I know exactly who is going to be let go and I know how close my husband is to him. He has a family and will be greatly effected by it. There is nothing he did wrong. He simply has a later hire date then his peers. I feel terrible! But yet, I'm held to a higher standard and cant go off my feelings. I understand spiritually from my work in ministry. I hold confidential information regarding our church, Pastors and members all the time. Im like mama bear with it! I understand the spiritual ramifications of the breech of trust of our inner circle. I understand that God placed me in this position because He can trust me and I'm honored in that. I do not want to let Him down.

But why am I finding this difficult? I mean really difficult! Why am I so weak in the natural? At any moment I'm liable to send some sort of code warning to him and his wife to prepare them for the impact that is about to come their way. I feel guilty when talking to my husband and he mentions his friend. I'm truly torn with this.

I'll be praying and thank you all in advance for the prayers in support. Any sound counsel would be appreciated.

~Jrs_Lovely1 {iPad}

__________________
{Safe in His arms}

"But let him that glorieth glory in this, that he understandeth and knoweth me, that I am the LORD which exercise lovingkindness, judgment, and righteousness, in the earth: for in these things I delight, saith the LORD."Jeremiah 9:24

Not automatically. It is a general rule-of-thumb though.

So things are not definite right now. First reason not to say anything yet.
That is awkward. I can understand why you are struggling out of loyalty towards your husband. How would telling your husband what was going to happen be of any advantage to either your husband or friend?
Second reason not to tell him just yet. You trusted him and he let out confidential information that put your own workplace and your own career at risk. I am sure he did not mean to cause any harm but it did.
Third reason not to tell him yet. You are very fortunate that he is mature, understands the need for confidentiality, and will not take it personally that you had to keep this information confidential. Of course he'll be upset and disappointed, but it's very likely he'd understand.
Again, realistically right now how would your husband and inevitably your husband's friend learning about what was going to happen be of any advantage to them right now?
You're human if you feel terrible under the circumstances. You're in a very hard situation. How soon will it be before your husband's friend is likely to learn about his job loss?
There is something you could do for him in the mean time:
You sound very familiar with his line of work - can you keep your ear out for any possible openings or job transfers? Get people already in the know like yourself busy getting positive references for him and contacts for him so he's already got CV/referees to go?

I would say tell him always listen to that gut feeling and tell your husband. No job is worth loyalty.

I need my glasses.

What if you tell him and it doesn't happen the way you think?
Then you will look like the bad person sharing untrue rumors.

This secrecy is a part of your job and has nothing to do with your marriage
so to break this trust for the sake of your husband's friend is not good in my opinion.

Like I said, things can change so it is best to pray for your husband's friend and
ask God to make a way for him to be blessed and not to feel like you need to be
the one who informs him of a possible change.

I would think that you would be breaking a trust to extend this information
out there to be spread to people you never intended it to get to.

It would get around and you would be the one who would be targeted.

This isn't life or death we are talking about.

I think you know that you have to let this go and pray and allow
God to be God in your life and the lives of others.

If your boss has not given you permission to reveal secrets,
then be faithful to the trust they have given to you.

If you didn't know, decisions would still be made that could impact your
family and the lives of others so the only difference here is your
faithfulness to the trust that others have given you.


Proverbs 11:13
A talebearer revealeth secrets: but he that is of a faithful spirit concealeth the matter.

__________________
2 Cor 5:21
For He made Him who knew no sin to be sin for us, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him.

Thank you all who responded and lifted me up in prayer. Although it hasn't been long since this post, I'm already settled in my spirit with what it is I need to do.

As soon as I posted, I pretty much felt convicted for even thinking about breaking the trust of the position that I'm in. Its as if I just needed to "vocalize" it or bring it out from within my myself. I was reminded of Proverbs 14:12 (NIV) "There is a way that appears to be right, but in the end it leads to death." I was able to reason with myself that this circumstance justified my break in trust.... But after reasoning with the Lord, the end was not of Him. Right is right no matter who it concerns. I have to be on the right side of this.

Once I began to look it at spiritually, it was very clear that I was putting myself in a position to be seen as unfaithful with what God has placed me over to govern. I have to be able to be trusted in every circumstance. If not, I have no one to blame but myself when I'm still in the same position instead of going to the next level. I can't be given much when I can't even be faithful over the little. Not that my concern is about the "much" but more so the negating of what I'm suppose to do in God. I wouldn't want this to be the thing that keeps me from getting a prayer through or being able to worship unhindered or feel the presence of God. Those things are the much to me and obedience is better than sacrifice. I don't want to sacrifice anything spiritually or naturally for that matter.

In this situation, I already know that my husband would inform his friend and even with the best of intentions, it still comes back to me being out of order.

I love him and I love the Lord and they both would want me to choose what is right in the end. So I'm praying for comfort for his family and for all of this to work out for his good. I know that it is not my place to interfere except through prayer on his behalf.

Thanks again for the honest words and truth! A friend tells the truth at all times

~Jrs_Lovely1 {iPad}

__________________
{Safe in His arms}

"But let him that glorieth glory in this, that he understandeth and knoweth me, that I am the LORD which exercise lovingkindness, judgment, and righteousness, in the earth: for in these things I delight, saith the LORD."Jeremiah 9:24

Ouch, I have had that betrayal of trust before with people close to me, and it hurts bad.

Still have scars from that.

(Though, I work in the Church and the real secrets are impossible to leak.)

I am surprised they don't fire him, sounds like there are some serious ethical problems there, not to be insensitive.

When a wife can not trust her own husband... that sounds like a problem.

My brother's first girlfriend was like that. She slept with all of his best friends in a very bad way. One day she felt really guilty, so told him.

Mixing business and relationships can be extremely difficult.

There can be a line there where one is more married to their work, then their own spouse, and it can be a type of adultery.

In your case, it sounds like that is not the situation, though.

(Though it kind of sounds like that is what he did in his case by betraying you personally and professionally to co-workers by sharing secrets with them you explicitly told him not to share.)

If you do decide to trust him - and trust I am sure must be hard in such a business where, I have read people never trust anyone - sounds like you should lay down some ground rules. If a wife or husband can not tell when their spouse is lying -- they are not really married, lol. :-)

__________________
'Be without worry, be without fear, believe your dreams, and hold back all doubt that assail them' -- John Casey, d 1911

See my message to you.

Gideon123

Your job demands you keep your husband in the dark about things that pertain to him and those he cares about. Something about that seems wrong.

Don't tell him. Sometimes it's a burden to carry personal information so do him a favor and don't put it on him. Keeps him out of the fray and maintains deniability.

__________________

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.