My wife and I met in high school and have been together ever since for a total of about 11 years. We married out of high school. We have two kids together. We both smoked when we met. I have quit for almost seven years now. She has quit for 4.5 years. She has been saying for the past couple of months that she has wanted to smoke. I admitted of having the feeling from time to time, but understand that it's a natural thing for an ex smoker to want to do. She told me three days ago that she bought a pack. She told me she hadn't started, which I later confirmed yesterday by finding it unopened in her coat pocket.
I understand that addiction is dopamine related. She is not finding satisfaction with some aspect of her life. Smoking, she thinks, will fill that gap. I know there is an underlying cause, but she claims it's "just something she wants to do."
She is 29 years old. I expect her to be smart about this, and thought we were past this stage in our lives. She is trying to justify this left and right and is looking for a reason to start again. Obviously, if she thought it was alright, she would've sparked one up by now.
I don't want to start again, I don't want our children to be around it. I don't want to smell it every time I'm near her and am intimate with her. I don't want to taste it on her lips. I have already told her this will wedge a block between us whether either one of us likes it or not. It's going to have an effect. She claims she is an adult and she should be able to make her own decisions. She will unfortunately have to live with the consequences of those decisions. Not only that, she will be dragging her family into it as well. We will all have to deal with the consequences. I have the moral obligation to stand my ground on this as the head of my household. She has rampant heart disease in her family, as well as diabetes and Alzheimer's. As far as I'm concerned this will be her death wish.
Morbidity alert! - God ultimately has control over everything. But, all I can think about is in 15 years I will be by her bedside while she is in chemo. All of our finances drained away for hospital bills. She will pass on and I will be left heartbroken and have to live out the rest of my life lonely of my lifelong sweetheart, working til the day I get stuck in a nursing home and become a ward of the state. Everything I have sacrificed will be in vain because the state will seize it to pay for the nursing home I get stuck with; living the last years of my life staring at the wall with no visitors. - This is seriously a situation going on in my family right now. Every choice we make has consequences.
I thank God for God because I am so furious I am ready to kick her out. He is weighing on my conscience to not do that. He has laid out when that action is appropriate.
Can anyone give me some sound Christian advice on this situation? My anxiety is through the roof.
Before you get all crazy in this situation take the time to read the following book or books. You will then understand what smoking actually is. I can guarantee you that smoking IS NOT WHAT YOU THINK IT IS
Have an open mind . . . don't judge and READ so you can understand why your wife is feeling this way
Both books are available at amazon
YOU ARE NOT ADDICTED TO CIGARETTE SMOKING YOU ARE STARVING: How the Magic Mineral Prevents the Desire to Smoke
and the shorter version without much of the science and indepth explanations of the first . . .
THE NATURAL CURE FOR CIGARETTE SMOKING: How the Magic Mineral Prevents the Desire to Smoke
I can safely say that I understand how you feel about this cos I'am also going through the same challenge.
my wife has taken up smoking about a year ago and it has disturbed me so much.
I cannot take the smell of of it at all. I can't stop her now, we have spoken about it but to no avail.
what I can say to you is plead with her not to start at all, you still have a chance to stop her.
As a former smoker, I can say the worst thing that a former smoker can do is have a pack lying around the house. It took me several years and several attempts to fully quit. I use to keep a pack lying around the house and it never ended good. On the other hand, she hasn't opened it! Praise her for not opening it and talk with her about getting rid of it.
You did marry her for better or for worse in sickness and in health. She may start just because you are so addamant that she should not. I think you should give her a little space and love her with all her faults, just like God loves you with all your faults. Sometimes just a little love goes a long ways. As much as you would not like it, if you let her make up her own mind she just might choose not to start. Freedom with love works wonders.
Maybe do the search on the net for smoker's lung pathology pictures.
Show your wife what she's courting if she starts smoking again.
Explain to her that second hand smoke isn't showing love for you or her kids when her determination to destroy her health one costly pack at a time, is what she insists on pursuing.
You can't save someone who doesn't want to save themselves from suffocating in their own phlegm because they're dying from lung cancer.
I knew someone who smoked from the time they were 5 years old. All his brothers smoked. His dad smoked. His mom smoked.
He reached 63 when his doctor told him he needed to have a lung removed. He's still smoking. He told the doctor no way that he knew he'd die if he had surgery. The doctor convinced him if he had half a lung removed he'd have a better chance at least.
Pleading from his wife made him relent and he had the surgery. He was dead in 6 months. Before that he was strong as an ox and 6'4" tall. Even in his 60's he was a bear of a man.
Just before he died his petite wife could pick him off the sheets so that their kids could change them, because the diaper didn't always catch everything and he was too weak to make it to the bathroom.
Smoking is stupid.
There's a poster somewhere that shows a bunch of animals with lit cigarettes sticking out of their mouths. It says something like: It looks just as stupid when you do it.
Smoking kills people at the high cost per pack that's nothing compared to the high cost of the health of everyone around them.
You married for better or worse in sickness and in health. Why would your wife put that to the test?
I know someone who has quit for about a decade now and they have carried the same unopened pack of smokes with them for years after. She said it gives her comfort knowing that she has them with her but she has never opened it until one day she realized she did not need them anymore and tossed them out.
Best wishes to your situation. You cannot stop an addict from jonesing for a hit, whether it be smoking, meth, pills, alcohol... You can be strength for them, though. Making her feel inferior or stupid for wanting to smoke is not the easiest thing for her to hear. Did she tell you why she wants to smoke? That would be the first thing to start with. Understand why and work together.