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Schizophrenia A new recovery forum for those suffering schizophrenia/schizoaffective disorder and their family members.

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  #31  
Unread 20th December 2011, 11:55 AM
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I think that you are a little mixed up, but not much. Jesus does live in you, and you can really talk to God and He can really talk to you. But you are not the Messiah, and you don't have to be crucified. All you have to do is be ever thankful and ever grateful that Jesus died for you already...if you had to be crucified, then God would not have had to send Jesus.
God really does hear your prayers..every one of them, and He knows the deep compassion that you feel for Jesus. Don't give up on reading your Bible. I have thought of giving up too, because once I thought I had to starve myself because "man does not live on bread alone, but on every word of God." I've also thought that I had to literally die to live. It is heavy stuff, but don't give up on it. The Bible is the truth. God is giving you these thoughts for a reason. You can call it pychosis, but it is really a mixture of God's thoughts, and probably some demons messing with you. God will keep you safe if you stay in His Word. Don't give up on your true love, which is Jesus. God bless you,,,
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  #32  
Unread 20th December 2011, 12:57 PM
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thank you rob crandell
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  #33  
Unread 7th January 2012, 11:44 AM
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folie a plusieurs. - Home

just wonderred if perhaps someone will be intrested
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  #34  
Unread 11th January 2012, 02:42 PM
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I might join your forums. I think we resemble each other in many ways.

there is something special between us. we are going down similar paths because recently I was free to try to learn about Hearing Voices Movement - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia for example.

I believe that the problem is not just me and you. I think the problem is me and you and most other beings that we have come across.

you seem to be more open minded than most. I try to be open minded as well and I find it hard to keep faith with Jesus when all this is happening to me and to xounstaer.

~killua/linnorm/levistus/melantha/noxot/sutsivel/ltoloxa
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  #35  
Unread 13th January 2012, 11:01 PM
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I can relate to a delusion of being some great character in God's scheme. But have come to the conclusion, there is only one great. God. I have been stepped on and the follower all my life, the underachiever without popularity, but it doesn't matter. Know why? There is none great or wise without God. Should I place myself up high to be recognized? No, because I could very easily find myself astray. I don't seek greatness anymore, just Jesus Christ. There is no life outside the giver thereof. And cannot be achieved without faith in Jesus Christ. If I seek glory of myself, where does glory to God go who belongs all glory and blessings?
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  #36  
Unread 16th January 2012, 04:56 AM
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that is how i cope nowadays with it, i put it with jesus yes. and god with that.
the least i want to do is overstep anybody.

i've learned to want to be the leastest.
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  #37  
Unread 19th March 2012, 06:13 PM
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i am still working on this a lot.

and thank you brother.....i could not bare to live with me if i was to shake jesus of...for some lawfull thoughtss.

tank you so for you post @Rob Crandell.

and thank you others too...
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  #38  
Unread 31st March 2012, 09:38 AM
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god i feel troublesome and down.
what's up?

i guess there isnt much wrong and that i am doing pretty ok eventhough i didnt eat yesterday. i think it may be because i am thinking of my past, which i think was mostly no fun. feeling and thinking that i do not want to see my mother and stephfather anymore, because of the way i have been treated. i get very angry inside and think the worst things, it couldnt be much worse in my mind then it was the past days. i feel bad now myself for not being able to remember the good moments. ok i remember some perhaps. but its not much. the fact is i guess i had it no good. it's really not a lie, and i dont understand why i must feel bad about this. i almost have to cry.

i guess, but am not sure. but i know i wouldnt have wanted to be a succesfull person in earthely matters. i am very happy really with the things god has shown me. what i am trying to say is that i feel like that i wouldnt be where i am now if it wasnt for all my past.

please forgive me if i get angry inside and such over my past. i hope you can help me to stay as positive as possible and not to worry to much.

god we, the two of us will deal with it in a good manner when i feel troubled and hurt, and we hope that i be good enough to maintain a good progress. and for sure not to go insane, and if i do to not lose control and deal with it, so i've said.
i should realise seriously that i should only use mind altering substanses among the right people and in the right sircumstances and surroundings. i have spoken about this god and i believe the people are right indeed that who say this. i guess it is as simple as knowing not to drink beer in the church but in a pub, etcetera.

god why dont you tell what is wrong with my behaviour. i eman that i can thinka bout it but i am not sure if that is good for me. i do not see the need for me to think further about my behaviour. and people think thay know the way it should be but i have not seen it the past 27 years as to where it comes to certain points. certain points which will have marked me for the rest of my life. sure i have done things that are no good, basicly as a kid and unseen. so i dont exactly get the point. are people trying to tell me that i have been punished for my mistakes and that is why i am psychiatry and have been mistreated heavily. i am sorry for thinking that i am not treu telling you what i say here just now. but we should not get mne wrong and be honest. must i write dwon what i have done and what others have done to me and then go and compare that? i mean is that required?

or shall i tell others what i dont like about them and tehy what they dont like about me. i mean i guess that is a possibility. and forgive but i tend first always to say whats good and think that it is good. or i dont but usually i do think it is good. i do not really hold any grudge against anyone.
so the point has been said that i should think about my behaviour is that anything new at all? i guess i have been punished heavily for my behaviour my whole life. and i cant dig further of things i dont remember. i remember some things though. i have been a bad kid and i deserved punishment so i was locked up into the seperation or isolation. after i seen the sun, that's right exactly what happened god.
i went toward the closed section of the pstchiatric hospital by my own request. after i seen the orange liquid streaming surface of the sun. right after it, i asked for it. before this there was no problem between me and the psychiatry really. then because they said i had moved furniture i was to walk towards the seperation although i had the chance to dry myself first after i stepped out of the shower.

then i was seperated, put into isolation for three weeks. i remember pretty much everything.
then i had to stay in high care for about half a year. you tell me what i did wrong. its inhuman i tell you. the medication i was given made me almost swallow my tongue, for which they had to give me extra medication. and they know this

i have chosen this road with usage of substances god.
can i or we change the offspring to better?
ask about abraham and lot ok?
i got pens papers enveloppes and stamps, i be ok.
imagine i ever have questions to you, for a start i'd liek to work out amonst each other next to perfect how we speak and so how we would search within this talk, further words that come about facts we will have explained i think for as far as we know.
this is to pronouciation of the smallest till the biggest combining languages where so possible. that was what i wanted to ask, can we work on that for me?

hm describe that sound, can i or you or we or us tend too?
would i needc the help of a human? all i need is litlle startings or certaintys.

we can be fine with a percent less. i mean is a tiny amount of trashables. i mean bad stuff you know i doubted it and heard some but i tell you god that we can do with that one percent less perhaps even a bit easier, and do we want to expertise in explaining negatif details we wont.
o god do we, will we always be good?

free be free he said. and she oh well ok.

bed stories online you and me god or some people too ok.

offspring which is kept good, be's good.
why cant i go on serious talks really or i do, but..i do right i try too really good, write too i mean. i hope we be good sry and that we are allright and so.x excuse me sentimentally but know it all. no i dont mean wrong, ioh if you want to try and think all answers right to them ears i'd tell you bak some to well figured or so maybe. and i hope i may think and know who i am or what i think of too besides eeing, ofcourse i see seeing as top as hearing so too, you know. do i use my hands and fingers right while talking and my mouth or just one or so? we be good. and i hope i can get into fine areas where i be good too. and i live on ok i be fine, where worse then i can witness have i seen so far. there's basicly litlle questions but i hop eand will get along.
i will be allright i know.
you? sry.

if it was all me it might come to a certain still stop. or not i dont know, i know i will make a move sooner or later to which i always hope it doesnt harm anyone.
god, i want for you to be, as i know you.

celebration time i can tell.
e feast means good and maybe fun or so happyness, so it supposed to be.
i be alright for good understandings.
people and so amongst each other.
what if i say i just want who goo dis to be ok and talk
i wanted to know whats good and not bad any.
buy invest and donate and do any which serves the good without harm.
i said i would like to meet people, you know. and birds too, sun and wind and maybe beach or so. and nature is amazing.
treat me good i'll never totally defeat you. i hope we are ok and well able to speak and so.
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  #39  
Unread 4th April 2012, 03:36 AM
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You're not alone in believing you are the Messiah. Many people who visit Israel come to believe they are the Messiah and end up hospitalized each and every year. It's called the "Jerusalem Syndrome".

What you need to realize is that this thought of being the Messiah comes from Satan. Satan can back up this delusion with supernatural signs and wonders. He can make it seem plausible to you and give you thoughts and feelings which seem to be heavenly, or holy. It can be very, very convincing.

You need to let it go, because it is not loving to God. It is very unloving to impersonate Gods Son, and feed off His glory as if it is your glory. You like the idea of being the Messiah because like you said, it makes everything about you. You feel like everything that is happening around you has a connection to you. It's a very exciting and interesting perspective. It's also an addiction and a security blanket for you.

You need to let it go and let Christ be your support. You need to put it away and find out who you really are, in Christ. Satan is robbing you of your identity. Don't believe his lies. It is an elaborate fantasy to keep you in bondage and to rob you of your freedom in Christ. Jesus wants you to know Him, and you can't know Him this way. Your delusion keeps Jesus far away from you. Open your heart to Jesus. Take off your crown and put it at His feet. Make the sacrifice and trust God. I'll pray for you. God bless you.
Originally Posted by xounstaer View Post
hi, it's been a while since i posted here.

i have an issue wo which christianity should have an answer or answers.

8 years ago i got into a psychosis which never truly left. it started with thinking god's mind came down into me. which made me think i was jesus returnal and with that the messiah.

i made up a story about a star appearing in the nightsky at a certainer time(my protestant psychologe was even familiar with this theory, or at least he knew what i meant he understood it), pointed out by three wise man on top of a mountain. i even have the greatest names/person like jesus and mozes for that. also when i red lucas it wasnt even so strang after all. then i gazed at that star for three nights in a row. and i rolled into a psychosis which still actually hasnt been ended. though the floride/heaviest parts i have had.

i experienced a lot of things in this psychose and had a great mental activity and saw all kinds of connections. it all began with reading the bible. i litterally lived every word of the new testemoney and also parts of the old testamony. i relived all i ever heard and also what i had red in that starting period.

(sry if i am hard to follow/understand)

this all wouldt be no problem if i could just shake it off. but the fact is that i came to be a christian through my psychosis. but my psychosis never left.

please dont bother with the medical talks that i have heard and how it all come from truamas or other emotions. i know

the problem is that i am trying to be a christian still and read my bible. but i cannot seem to do this without being psychotic.

ever since i had my experience with that star which is also a sun. and then also my experience with the sun. it has been unturnable for me to have all these messianic thoughts.

my experience with our sun, was that i thought i saw the copper snake when i stared at the sun for 5 seconds and saw liquid floating.(i got scared about it..) orange with brown and red. i later on (years later) saw pictures from nasa taken with soem filter which where exactly the same as what i had seen iin reality.

i have witnessed more things which are simply truth instead of delusion. but i learned to think in the way of the psychiatry in which i still reside and have done so for the past 8 years.

at the moment i am busy with working at living on my own. which i hope will succeed. though i am not sure yet. i started this route 1.5 week ago. and after ca 5 moths i am supposed to go and live on my own. but loose from this.

i am struggling with how i am supposed to be a good active christian and how on earth am i supposed to combine that with the psychosis i had and still have. and the things i witnessed within that. and the ongoing prayers i had prayed while i was psychotic.

is praying even real or am i delusional again if i pray for the people on the world to do well. as i did for over 2 years. i even mnemoniced all the prayers i wrote down thousands of times. such as: help, respect, love and treat each otehr well. and other things that i thought where good prayers for everyone. messiah huh

i am not expecting a ufo to come. and everyday when i spent time on christianity i may get confronted with people expecting a messiah to come or stand up. i doubt they expect a ufo. i dont know if they even know what they are asking for and what reality will bring eventually then. since god will never come in a ufo. if you know another way besides what i say or a symbolic way. i'd hear it gladly.


now the past months i had been able to talk about christianity on a froum with other christians. i searched for that quite a while. since my passion and my goal lies there. but there is nothing about schizophrenia there and it is a small dutch forum.

i tried to be on other forums but sometimes when i bring this up i am not even allowed to join. i dont know exactly why. but afcourse i get delusional thoughts from that then too.(imagine some real)

i actually dont really know what to do and how i am supposed to remain a christian. i know i believe in christ and in god. last night i thought i was dead again. and i got confronted wether or not i believe in jesus but i guess it is pretty obvious if i look at the past years. i spent every second on jesus the messiah and have had nothing else in my mind.

i wish a person would understand me if i tell how troublish it is to be a second jesus or messiah.

i can think pretty much and pretty serious and it brings a lot of troubles along. because now who is the real one. i believe in me too and with that dont i do jesus wrong? and is jesus still god's only begotten. becuase logically i believe that too.(but jesus made me)

so sometimes it really is a fight. and i think that i must be crusified too. but then again not because jesus allready had been. did i save the 'right' by saving the tail. or did i ruin the tale.

i wish jesus was here with me and knew how hard it is. i know he does. but it's hard to get a word from him (eventough i hear voices but i dont believe i can hear god or jesus) so i turn to you and here at the schizophrenia section.

right now i wont tell of the worse times i have, speaking of suffering..

i just wonder what to do and how i am supposed to live with this so called delusion (i know reality and the medical vieuw, i know...) and be a christian.


my name is stein and i am 26, about to turn 27. and i dont want to give up christianity. my messiah thoughts i dont have a lot of choose in as long as i dont give up christianity. and my behaviour is ok. i know the way 'we' think. but i ask u to imagine what it's like for me when i pray and when i got to bed. instead of what i show on the outside....

(my psyhcose began with a lot of tears over the crusifix and the injustice i saw in that. i was to take it upo with god. and shine a light on the truth)

greets stein
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Unread 4th April 2012, 04:53 AM
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his qualities..

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xounstaer has a reputation beyond reputexounstaer has a reputation beyond reputexounstaer has a reputation beyond reputexounstaer has a reputation beyond reputexounstaer has a reputation beyond reputexounstaer has a reputation beyond reputexounstaer has a reputation beyond reputexounstaer has a reputation beyond reputexounstaer has a reputation beyond reputexounstaer has a reputation beyond reputexounstaer has a reputation beyond reputexounstaer has a reputation beyond reputexounstaer has a reputation beyond reputexounstaer has a reputation beyond reputexounstaer has a reputation beyond repute
you say this of putting my crown at his feet, but what if that is not possible through god or allah?

can you tell me more about laying my crown at christs feet? dont get me wrong i keep all good in me/stein.
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"it's done, one, two."
"all can."

so then if would, guess no.

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