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  #1  
Unread 22nd November 2011, 09:38 AM
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cheating husband

I found out my husband has been cheating on me in May this year. He was not even repentant. His anger was that I found out. I am and still diverstated. We have everything joint. Joint ownership of house,investments ,accounts etc. I am 61 and retired.He is 63, also retired but still goes out to work.We will be 40years married next year. Our children are diverstated.

I am now down and depressed. Can a christian counsellor advise me ?
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Looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.Hebrews 12 :2


For the mountains shall depart, and the hills be removed; but my kindness shall not depart from thee, neither shall the covenant of my peace be removed, saith the LORD that hath mercy on thee.Isaiah 54:10
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  #2  
Unread 22nd November 2011, 09:45 AM
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Your going to have pay the money and get a real lawyer.

From the words you've chosen it doesn't seem that you have restoration in mind, he committed adultery and are not obligated to stay his wife. If you TWO were interested in restoration you should both willingly and seriously begin christian marital counseling from a professional counselor.

I am going to pray for you and I encourage you to remain hopeful toward God and ask that his will be done in this situation, he still loves you and he will defend and watch over you and guide your feet through this dark time in your life. No matter how you've been toward God in your past he will only be one way toward you and that is "faithful".

Last edited by briareos; 22nd November 2011 at 10:15 AM.
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  #3  
Unread 22nd November 2011, 10:51 AM
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Originally Posted by elsieg View Post
I found out my husband has been cheating on me in May this year. He was not even repentant. His anger was that I found out.
That means he wants out of the marriage. You are not obliged to stay with him. Get a good lawyer, get your paperwork together and move on. If your husband showed an ounce of remorse I would tell you sit tight and pray deeply.

Cling tightly to the Lord and He will carry you through this horrible time the way He carried me through my divorce. Bless you.
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"Contraception: to make love without a chid. Artificial Insemination: to make a child without making love. Abortion: to unmake the child. Pornography: to unmake love.
All of these, to varying degrees, are incompatible with natural law." ---- Dr. Jerome Lejeune, geneticist who discovered the cause of Down Syndrome.
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  #4  
Unread 22nd November 2011, 11:09 AM
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Originally Posted by elsieg View Post
I found out my husband has been cheating on me in May this year. He was not even repentant. His anger was that I found out. I am and still diverstated. We have everything joint. Joint ownership of house,investments ,accounts etc. I am 61 and retired.He is 63, also retired but still goes out to work.We will be 40years married next year. Our children are diverstated.

I am now down and depressed. Can a christian counsellor advise me ?
Is there a possibility to reconcile?
40 years is a lot to throw out the window.
Divorce should not be the first thought but the last one.

Pray and ask God for guidance.

Father in the name of Jesus I ask that you be with
my sister and comfort her and bring your Holy Spirit into her
situation and guide her during this time.
Father I ask that you would send the right people into her life
during this time of need.
I pray that she would be given Godly council and comfort
by those that You would send into her life.
Father I ask that you would protect her and her family from the workings
of the enemy that would seek to work against them during this vulnerable time in their lives.
Father I ask that you open the eyes of this husband to his sin so that he
could find repentance and forgiveness.
Father I ask that if it be possible in the hearts of these two that you
would work a miracle of reconciliation in their lives.

In Jesus name I pray.
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For He made Him who knew no sin to be sin for us, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him.
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  #5  
Unread 22nd November 2011, 01:52 PM
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I would advise you to see a Christian counselor or talk with your minister about your situation...this is a forum made up of people, not sure if there are any professional counselors on here.

Is there a possibility that you two would be interested in marriage counseling/marriage restoration? Have you spoken recently to your husband about ending his affair and reconciling or do you both want to divorce?
40 yrs. of marriage is a lot to throw away...then there's division of all marital assets, splitting the family, but you two will still have to deal with each other because of the children/grandchildren etc.

Where are you both at spiritually at this point?
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Be still, my soul; the hour is hastening on
When we shall be forever with the Lord,
When disappointment, grief, and fear are gone,
Sorrow forgot, love's purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul; when change and tears are past,
All safe and blessed we shall meet at last.
-by Catharina von Schlegel
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  #6  
Unread 22nd November 2011, 03:18 PM
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So sorry to hear that.

It will be a lot of work ahead to make the changes, but your husband has made change inevitable -- even if you were to stay together.

You might be worried about his attitude with you and property, as some people can get unusually vengeful in a split. Please know that the court recognizes this as a common situation, and will defend a fairly balanced split of rights and property. That is what they're there for.

They will suggest that you do not move out unexpectedly, or make quick decisions on property -- some people just want to walk away from everything and cut losses; while some want to deprive the other person of things; while some muster fear when their friends tell stories, and start seeing the spouse as an enemy. Legal experts will help you see what you have built up over the years, list it all and come to a fair agreement. So keep a cool head.

That might not seem like Christian advice, but it looks like your husband has no intention to mend fences -- at least right now. So sorry that you have to go through this treatment, of someone you have cared for and shared memories with.

In some US states, a couple can do the paperwork themselves... but if one party has been hiding things, and has a bad attitude, I wouldn't recommend this.

We could give you a lot of advice, but you are probably too shaken up right now to follow a lot of should's. And I would probably sound insensitive saying this might be a good time to simplify responsibilities with an apartment... oh how nice it is to have home and land and memories.
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  #7  
Unread 22nd November 2011, 10:53 PM
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I am really, really sorry for you and your situation. My prayers are with you. Don't assume that God wants you to stay with this man. You have biblical grounds for divorce and remarriage. I pray that God will give you comfort in this situation. He is our strength and if you lean on him through this, he will be there for you.
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  #8  
Unread 22nd November 2011, 11:29 PM
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I am so, so sorry..........

(*So did you throw things at him and let him know he was a great ratbag ...... etc etc ...... I am not being funny just sharing how it must have felt in your heart and that a truth shared like that is not out of place......)

Do pray like you have never prayed before.

I do recommend you get safe Christian counsellors, what I mean is initially friends to cry with. Let them pray with you and guide you to the right counsellors. I think it unwise to do anything in a hurry.

We can only hear the words you share and react! All our emotions are 'go' as well......

Again I am so, so sorry.

Cast all your cares on Jesus, for he cares for you.

PRAYER: Lord Jesus please be with our friend who is crying away inside. Please comfort her and let her know that you understand. Please guide her now...... for you are loving and know this marriage better than anyone...... AMEN
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  #9  
Unread 23rd November 2011, 12:11 AM
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Forgive him.
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  #10  
Unread 23rd November 2011, 07:41 AM
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By the way, it is admirable that you have been dealing with this since May, and have not done anything carelessly rash. You are probably putting up with some demeaning words, or at least attitudes, in your household. As others have said, there are in fact some biblical supports for divorce, so don't fear that God will abandon you.

We are not making this up, but it is so hard to wrap one's head around it when people have been teaching loyalty so adamantly. Actually, in the law of Moses, an adulterer would be stoned before the divorce choice came up. (Do not try this at home.)
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