My dual faith

Amber the Duskbringer · #1 16th October 2011, 04:01 PM

I post this here because I am sure that's the cause of how I feel. Allow me to break it down and I hope that I don't get banned for this. There are days where I feel faithful. Where I see Christ as the all father sent to make all things right. Then there are days like this where the idea of someone telling me to pray sends me into a frothing at the mouth anger. The idea that some cosmic sky fairy will make it all better when she hasn't shown me she exists and I am supposed to feel bad because of my orientation and all makes me mad. Then I feel bad because of what I said. Then I have days where I feel like I am christian wiccan. Yes I know how that sounds but it's a personal thing I can't really explain. I feel like my brain is split into 3 groups, 3 different personalities. My depression fades then I am happy/manic and wanna do everything and anything. I am scared for my soul because of this. I feel like I can't help it that it's just my brain and my brain is broken. I will post this here because I figure people already think I am mad as a hatter.

I see shadows, not just normal shadows. I mean they are literally there. Or I think they are because I seen them, they whisper horrible things to me and I feel it in my head. I know its just me going crazy. They tell me to off myself and I am just self aware to know that this is my brain playing tricks on me. That my depression /esteem is so low I can't cope. I see them when my depression kicks off and they just make it so much worse. I am scared that this is just a taste of things to come. I feel like my mind is breaking apart. I need help. I had some horrible things happen in my childhood that make me question god and her reasons. I don't want to check myself into a hospital because honestly I figure if worst comes to worst I'll just kill myself. I am breaking here and no prayer in the world has helped me.

What can I do? I have so many mental issues I just can't take it anymore. I am sorry if this is in the wrong forum, I haven't been diagnosed with anything but bipolar but that was a long time ago and I could be worse than that.

Amber the Duskbringer · #2 16th October 2011, 04:44 PM

And so all I can do to combat this depression is to pretend it's all alright because I have noone to hold me and tell me it's ok. That I am not crazy. That there is nothing wrong with me. I am not a mess. That the world really wouldn't be better off without but it's so seethru that I know I am all those things and more and the best solution is few shots and a 9 to my head.

madison1101 · #3 16th October 2011, 07:34 PM

Well, first of all, if you have accepted the Lord Jesus Christ as your personal Savior, then you can be assured of eternal life with Him, and be given the power of the Holy Spirit to comfort, guide and teach you what Scriptures mean when you read the Bible.

God's Word is Truth on who and how He is, and who we are and how we should live to honor Him.

Accepting Christ as Savior is simply confessing that you are a sinner, and accepting Christ's death, burial and resurrection as the means to have a personal relationship with God. Once a person accepts Christ as Savior, they are indwelled by the Holy Spirit, the third person of the God-head.

There are two suggestions that I recommend for friends I make on the mental health forums. One is to get involved in a Ladies Bible Study and ask a mature Christian woman to mentor you in your faith. Two is to get into psychotherapy with a Cognitive Behavioral Therapist. Do the homework this therapist suggests, and ask the therapist if you should have a psychiatric evaluation for medication. There is nothing wrong with Christians taking psychiatric medication.

God bless. I will pray for you.

Hugs,
Trish

Live In Stereo · #4 16th October 2011, 10:31 PM

I feel for you. I am a strong Christian , but this weekend your story is mine. I have been stable for quite awhile, but even though I have a husband that is descent when i am doing well, he cannot take when I am having problem with the bipolar. I am feeling right now that everyone thinks I am crazy and hates me. My kids think I am whacked. No one understands. I will pray for you and I am sorry you are going through this.

madison1101 · #5 16th October 2011, 11:17 PM

Who I Am In Christ
If you are a Christian, then the statements below are true of you.
________________________________________
I am accepted...
John 1:12
I am God's child.
John 15:15
As a disciple, I am a friend of Jesus Christ.
Romans 5:1
I have been justified.
1 Corinthians 6:17
I am united with the Lord, and I am one with Him in spirit.
1 Corinthians 6:19-20
I have been bought with a price and I belong to God.
1 Corinthians 12:27
I am a member of Christ's body.
Ephesians 1:3-8
I have been chosen by God and adopted as His child.
Colossians 1:13-14
I have been redeemed and forgiven of all my sins.
Colossians 2:9-10
I am complete in Christ.
Hebrews 4:14-16
I have direct access to the throne of grace through Jesus Christ.

I am secure...
Romans 8:1-2
I am free from condemnation.
Romans 8:28
I am assured that God works for my good in all circumstances.
Romans 8:31-39
I am free from any condemnation brought against me and I cannot be separated from the love of God.
2 Corinthians 1:21-22
I have been established, anointed and sealed by God.
Colossians 3:1-4
I am hidden with Christ in God.
Philippians 1:6
I am confident that God will complete the good work He started in me.
Philippians 3:20
I am a citizen of heaven.
2 Timothy 1:7
I have not been given a spirit of fear but of power, love and a sound mind.
1 John 5:18
I am born of God and the evil one cannot touch me.

I am significant...
John 15:5
I am a branch of Jesus Christ, the true vine, and a channel of His life.
John 15:16
I have been chosen and appointed to bear fruit.
1 Corinthians 3:16
I am God's temple.
2 Corinthians 5:17-21
I am a minister of reconciliation for God.
Ephesians 2:6
I am seated with Jesus Christ in the heavenly realm.
Ephesians 2:10
I am God's workmanship.
Ephesians 3:12
I may approach God with freedom and confidence.
Philippians 4:13
I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me.
________________________________________

Amber the Duskbringer · #6 17th October 2011, 09:24 AM

Originally Posted by madison1101

Well, first of all, if you have accepted the Lord Jesus Christ as your personal Savior, then you can be assured of eternal life with Him, and be given the power of the Holy Spirit to comfort, guide and teach you what Scriptures mean when you read the Bible.

God's Word is Truth on who and how He is, and who we are and how we should live to honor Him.

Accepting Christ as Savior is simply confessing that you are a sinner, and accepting Christ's death, burial and resurrection as the means to have a personal relationship with God. Once a person accepts Christ as Savior, they are indwelled by the Holy Spirit, the third person of the God-head.

There are two suggestions that I recommend for friends I make on the mental health forums. One is to get involved in a Ladies Bible Study and ask a mature Christian woman to mentor you in your faith. Two is to get into psychotherapy with a Cognitive Behavioral Therapist. Do the homework this therapist suggests, and ask the therapist if you should have a psychiatric evaluation for medication. There is nothing wrong with Christians taking psychiatric medication.

God bless. I will pray for you.

Hugs,
Trish

I probably need the meds :< To make things worse my dog died this morning.

Originally Posted by Live In Stereo

I feel for you. I am a strong Christian , but this weekend your story is mine. I have been stable for quite awhile, but even though I have a husband that is descent when i am doing well, he cannot take when I am having problem with the bipolar. I am feeling right now that everyone thinks I am crazy and hates me. My kids think I am whacked. No one understands. I will pray for you and I am sorry you are going through this.

That's just it, I feel like everyone is against me. Last night I almost killed myself, popped a few pills an almost got away with it but my bro found me and made me puke them up.

Originally Posted by madison1101

Who I Am In Christ
If you are a Christian, then the statements below are true of you.
________________________________________
I am accepted...
John 1:12
I am God's child.
John 15:15
As a disciple, I am a friend of Jesus Christ.
Romans 5:1
I have been justified.
1 Corinthians 6:17
I am united with the Lord, and I am one with Him in spirit.
1 Corinthians 6:19-20
I have been bought with a price and I belong to God.
1 Corinthians 12:27
I am a member of Christ's body.
Ephesians 1:3-8
I have been chosen by God and adopted as His child.
Colossians 1:13-14
I have been redeemed and forgiven of all my sins.
Colossians 2:9-10
I am complete in Christ.
Hebrews 4:14-16
I have direct access to the throne of grace through Jesus Christ.

I am secure...
Romans 8:1-2
I am free from condemnation.
Romans 8:28
I am assured that God works for my good in all circumstances.
Romans 8:31-39
I am free from any condemnation brought against me and I cannot be separated from the love of God.
2 Corinthians 1:21-22
I have been established, anointed and sealed by God.
Colossians 3:1-4
I am hidden with Christ in God.
Philippians 1:6
I am confident that God will complete the good work He started in me.
Philippians 3:20
I am a citizen of heaven.
2 Timothy 1:7
I have not been given a spirit of fear but of power, love and a sound mind.
1 John 5:18
I am born of God and the evil one cannot touch me.

I am significant...
John 15:5
I am a branch of Jesus Christ, the true vine, and a channel of His life.
John 15:16
I have been chosen and appointed to bear fruit.
1 Corinthians 3:16
I am God's temple.
2 Corinthians 5:17-21
I am a minister of reconciliation for God.
Ephesians 2:6
I am seated with Jesus Christ in the heavenly realm.
Ephesians 2:10
I am God's workmanship.
Ephesians 3:12
I may approach God with freedom and confidence.
Philippians 4:13
I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me.
________________________________________

I don't feel like he is with me sometimes. I wish he was. I feel so alone.

madison1101 · #7 17th October 2011, 11:19 PM

Originally Posted by Amber the Duskbringer

I probably need the meds :< To make things worse my dog died this morning.

That's just it, I feel like everyone is against me. Last night I almost killed myself, popped a few pills an almost got away with it but my bro found me and made me puke them up.

I don't feel like he is with me sometimes. I wish he was. I feel so alone.

Back to my original post. If you have accepted Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and Savior, you have God living within you. Faith is not a feeling. Faith is believing that what God said in His Bible is true. He said "I will never leave you, nor forsake you." As someone who has accepted Jesus as my Savior, I do not base my faith on my feelings at all. My faith is based on the Truth of God's Word.

So, if you feel alone, ask yourself, "Have I accepted Christ as my personal Lord and Savior?" If the answer is "Yes," then start believing what God says in His Word. Don't act on your feelings. They are not reliable. If you want God closer, start READING YOUR BIBLE.

But, do not be deceived by your feelings. Faith is believing God is who He says He is, and that He will do what He says He will do." A mature Christian does not base their faith on their feelings.

Amber the Duskbringer · #8 17th October 2011, 11:29 PM

Yeah but if I don't feel him with me how do I know he is there. I mean I should feel him, some days I do others I feel numb like today. I can try and hide it with stupid shallow posts and words but I feel so dead inside. Gah I don't know maybe I just need meds or something. Bible would sound good but it condemns me for being myself. Not stealing and lying and that, I gave that up for God or just trying to better myself. I won't get into it here cause it will just get the thread locked. *sigh* I need help but this forum denies me. Feh I will just suck it up and forget about it til it happens again or something I don't know...

Rory · #9 19th October 2011, 01:59 AM

I somewhat know how you feel, at least in regards to the depression and urges to take it to the extreme. I avoided doctors since I was 17 when I first really got hit with the manic/bi polar stuff.

I finally got to the point where I couldn't take it anymore, I didn't want to die but at the same time I did want to. Thankfully the not wanting too has always won out so far. A few months ago I found a way to get some insurance help and went to the doctors and got some meds, then they sent me to a therapist which she's been pretty cool, and also a psych to even out and fine tune my meds.

I have to say they really have helped, not just with the depression but the other thing that pushed me was anxiety, I'm agoraphobic, but while I'm not all better, the meds really helped take the edge off. I would definitely recommend seeing a doctor soon. It took a lot for me to get over that fear of seeing a doctor, for me it was worry about being commited. But it was worth it and I feel I am on my way to maybe getting better, though honestly that sounds more optimistic than I really am but I'm closer to that than I was a few months ago.

Also I've seen some of your posts around the forums and know your situation, I think you were talking somewhat about that having to do with this, not sure what to say there since I can't really relate, but just wanted to say not everyone is against you.

Some of us are a bit more understanding and take Jesus's words to love everyone a bit more serious.

Seriously though please get some help and stick around.