Home | Be a Christian | Devotionals | Join Us! | Forums | Rules | F.A.Q.


Go Back   Christian Forums > Ministry > Life Stages > Parenting > Parents of Older Children
Register BlogsPrayersJobsArcade Calendar Mark Forums Read

Parents of Older Children A forum for parents of older children (18 and above) to discuss issues they're facing

Reply
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Unread 9th October 2011, 06:16 PM
Junior Member

49 Gender: Female Married Faith: Catholic Country: Australia Member For 5 Years
 
Join Date: 4th March 2007
Posts: 221
Blessings: 2,064,951
My Mood Cynical
Blog Entries: 1
Reps: 1,558,879,309,642 (power: 1,558,879,317)
vigilantsoul has a reputation beyond reputevigilantsoul has a reputation beyond reputevigilantsoul has a reputation beyond reputevigilantsoul has a reputation beyond reputevigilantsoul has a reputation beyond reputevigilantsoul has a reputation beyond reputevigilantsoul has a reputation beyond reputevigilantsoul has a reputation beyond reputevigilantsoul has a reputation beyond reputevigilantsoul has a reputation beyond reputevigilantsoul has a reputation beyond reputevigilantsoul has a reputation beyond reputevigilantsoul has a reputation beyond reputevigilantsoul has a reputation beyond reputevigilantsoul has a reputation beyond repute
vigilantsoul has a reputation beyond reputevigilantsoul has a reputation beyond reputevigilantsoul has a reputation beyond reputevigilantsoul has a reputation beyond reputevigilantsoul has a reputation beyond reputevigilantsoul has a reputation beyond reputevigilantsoul has a reputation beyond reputevigilantsoul has a reputation beyond reputevigilantsoul has a reputation beyond reputevigilantsoul has a reputation beyond reputevigilantsoul has a reputation beyond reputevigilantsoul has a reputation beyond reputevigilantsoul has a reputation beyond reputevigilantsoul has a reputation beyond reputevigilantsoul has a reputation beyond repute
My son has his first girlfriend at 21

I spent some time with my 21 year old son, his first girlfriend, her mother and brother at a comedy theatre.

I am seeing that my son is overselling his good quatlities and going so over the top, being the nice guy, getting all of us our drinks and snacks etc. I was in ear shot of his girlfriend complaining to her mum how my son is so stressful, being drama about getting drinks food etc, and blah blah blah, her words verbatim.

Later after the musical we went to mc donalds to get coffee on the outskirts of the city and again he is doing all the running around while they are sitting on their lazy behinds.
He finally sits down with all the coffee, girlfriend peels a 'play it to win' sticker from her coffee and gets a free bonus bag of apple and her mother says 'go get the free bag of apple' to my son.

I believe we show people how to treat us, and this is what is happening.

His girlfriend reeks of 'diva' attitude and i have to say I really dont like her at all, not after spending 6 or so hours in her company. She yelling, 'fat, cow' from the car to people, and ugly.

She said she wants one of my son's pay packets to go to an exclusive shopping precinct, 'Chadstone' She feels so deprived and jealous she has not been shopping in forever. She was openly laughing in front of two women who were taking their own photos with an iphone, and says gosh what are they, 50?

She kept whining about her $130 dress.

I believe a person can speak well and have elocution to do this. Is there a difference between speaking well and being a plum in the mouth? Her content is definitely not classy like is is desperate to portray.

I can see so many red flags,and if I dont want to lose my beautiful son, I just have to sit and smile.

I know I am being judgemental right now, but I sense as a mother he is going to be either run off his feet or hurt badly.

Do I do anything to help him, he has not asked for it, I sense I need to stay out of it. I just hope he realises. She is so fixated on her hair, color of her lips, her clothes. i have never seen the natural color of her lips. Always 'fire engine red'

He is clearly head over heels, but I hope if there are any red flags he says them, and doesnt sell himself short.

He even held her head while she sprawled her self sideways (there were three of us in the back seat of the car on the ride home. His arms were not supported either and she was asleep.

Please dont tell me to get over it, as a mother. I am one of those people that is so sensitive, that sees things too quickly and can empathise on both sides.

If he is happy I will be happy for him, but I have already seen him, change what he loves for her.

No body really respects someone that gives up their own self for others.
When he comes home for a visit, he collapses on a bean bag and sleeps.

Please, I would dearly appreciate another perspective and or support, thankyou and God Bless.
Reply With Quote
Become a CF Site Supporter Today and Make These Ads Go Away!

  #2  
Unread 9th October 2011, 09:52 PM
Niffer's Avatar
Hook, Line and Sinker

27 Gender: Female Married Faith: Christian Party: CA-Conservatives Country: Canada Member For 5 Years Armor Bearer
View Profile Pic
 
Join Date: 1st August 2008
Location: Ontario
Posts: 3,086
Blessings: 12,277,822
My Mood Lurking
Reps: 559,442,967,074,383,744 (power: 559,442,967,074,393)
Niffer has a reputation beyond reputeNiffer has a reputation beyond reputeNiffer has a reputation beyond reputeNiffer has a reputation beyond reputeNiffer has a reputation beyond reputeNiffer has a reputation beyond reputeNiffer has a reputation beyond reputeNiffer has a reputation beyond reputeNiffer has a reputation beyond reputeNiffer has a reputation beyond reputeNiffer has a reputation beyond reputeNiffer has a reputation beyond reputeNiffer has a reputation beyond reputeNiffer has a reputation beyond reputeNiffer has a reputation beyond repute
Niffer has a reputation beyond reputeNiffer has a reputation beyond reputeNiffer has a reputation beyond reputeNiffer has a reputation beyond reputeNiffer has a reputation beyond reputeNiffer has a reputation beyond reputeNiffer has a reputation beyond reputeNiffer has a reputation beyond reputeNiffer has a reputation beyond reputeNiffer has a reputation beyond reputeNiffer has a reputation beyond reputeNiffer has a reputation beyond reputeNiffer has a reputation beyond reputeNiffer has a reputation beyond reputeNiffer has a reputation beyond repute
I'm really sorry for your situation, its must be hard watching your son enslave himself to a diva.
But I applaud your attitude completely. I can't imagine having to 'sit and smile' like that when you're screaming 'run away!' on the inside - but you do it because you love your son.

Maybe you could have a just a casual chat with your son about your gf's behavior? Like: "Does she normally yell at people from cars?" etc.

I don't really have any advice, but I do sympathize.

Peace,
- Niffer
__________________
"Strong complementarian women combine things the world cannot explain: a sweet, tender, kind, loving, submissive, feminine beauty, with massive steel in their backs, and theology in their brains." ~ John Piper


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Eco-friendly, baby-wearing, yoga-doing, line-drying, one-car owning,
extended breast-feeding, cloth-diapering, trail-running, herbalist-aspiring, small-town hippie, and ESFJ
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Unread 10th October 2011, 12:29 AM
Junior Member

49 Gender: Female Married Faith: Catholic Country: Australia Member For 5 Years
 
Join Date: 4th March 2007
Posts: 221
Blessings: 2,064,951
My Mood Cynical
Blog Entries: 1
Reps: 1,558,879,309,642 (power: 1,558,879,317)
vigilantsoul has a reputation beyond reputevigilantsoul has a reputation beyond reputevigilantsoul has a reputation beyond reputevigilantsoul has a reputation beyond reputevigilantsoul has a reputation beyond reputevigilantsoul has a reputation beyond reputevigilantsoul has a reputation beyond reputevigilantsoul has a reputation beyond reputevigilantsoul has a reputation beyond reputevigilantsoul has a reputation beyond reputevigilantsoul has a reputation beyond reputevigilantsoul has a reputation beyond reputevigilantsoul has a reputation beyond reputevigilantsoul has a reputation beyond reputevigilantsoul has a reputation beyond repute
vigilantsoul has a reputation beyond reputevigilantsoul has a reputation beyond reputevigilantsoul has a reputation beyond reputevigilantsoul has a reputation beyond reputevigilantsoul has a reputation beyond reputevigilantsoul has a reputation beyond reputevigilantsoul has a reputation beyond reputevigilantsoul has a reputation beyond reputevigilantsoul has a reputation beyond reputevigilantsoul has a reputation beyond reputevigilantsoul has a reputation beyond reputevigilantsoul has a reputation beyond reputevigilantsoul has a reputation beyond reputevigilantsoul has a reputation beyond reputevigilantsoul has a reputation beyond repute
Thankyou, it was really lovely of you to reply, I sure do appreciate the validation. I dont always trust my own feelings, they just eat at me.

I will ask my son one day, what you mention about her judgemental behaviour.

God Bless
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Unread 10th October 2011, 04:22 AM
dodgingflames's Avatar
Newbie

Gender: Female Married Faith: Protestant Member For 2 Years
 
Join Date: 4th October 2011
Posts: 6
Blessings: 116,741
My Mood In Love
Reps: 10 (power: 0)
dodgingflames is on a distinguished road
Unfortunately, you could probably tell your son what's wrong with her all day long and he'd still only see the good for a while longer. I'd definitely advise him against giving her money to go shopping. Being used is not grounds for a relationship, and they should be more devoted before he starts paying for frivolous things for her outside of their own dates. Just my opinion, though telling him that may feel too much like butting in, I'm not sure.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Unread 20th January 2012, 11:03 AM
homeofmew's Avatar
Master Trainer

29 Gender: Female Faith: Non-Denominational Party: US-Republican Country: United States Member For 5 Years Watchman
View Profile Pic
 
Join Date: 29th May 2005
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 1,361
Blessings: 425,362,811
My Mood Serious
Reps: 9,223,372,036,854,775,808 (power: 9,223,372,036,854,788)
homeofmew has a reputation beyond reputehomeofmew has a reputation beyond reputehomeofmew has a reputation beyond reputehomeofmew has a reputation beyond reputehomeofmew has a reputation beyond reputehomeofmew has a reputation beyond reputehomeofmew has a reputation beyond reputehomeofmew has a reputation beyond reputehomeofmew has a reputation beyond reputehomeofmew has a reputation beyond reputehomeofmew has a reputation beyond reputehomeofmew has a reputation beyond reputehomeofmew has a reputation beyond reputehomeofmew has a reputation beyond reputehomeofmew has a reputation beyond repute
homeofmew has a reputation beyond reputehomeofmew has a reputation beyond reputehomeofmew has a reputation beyond reputehomeofmew has a reputation beyond reputehomeofmew has a reputation beyond reputehomeofmew has a reputation beyond reputehomeofmew has a reputation beyond reputehomeofmew has a reputation beyond reputehomeofmew has a reputation beyond reputehomeofmew has a reputation beyond reputehomeofmew has a reputation beyond reputehomeofmew has a reputation beyond reputehomeofmew has a reputation beyond reputehomeofmew has a reputation beyond reputehomeofmew has a reputation beyond repute
You Know by the time your 21- ish or somewhere around my age you are expected to be looking for someone else. I was in a relationship when I was 22-23 ish that alsted for 2-3 years is theat ended horribly. Let him learn by himself.
__________________


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

B.S. Mathematics, University of Houston Victoria
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Unread 9th April 2012, 06:30 AM
Senior Member

Gender: Female Faith: Non-Denominational Member For 3 Years
 
Join Date: 17th October 2010
Posts: 781
Blessings: 1,030,872
My Mood Worried
Reps: 65,171,837,403,330,656 (power: 0)
Grace51 has a reputation beyond reputeGrace51 has a reputation beyond reputeGrace51 has a reputation beyond reputeGrace51 has a reputation beyond reputeGrace51 has a reputation beyond reputeGrace51 has a reputation beyond reputeGrace51 has a reputation beyond reputeGrace51 has a reputation beyond reputeGrace51 has a reputation beyond reputeGrace51 has a reputation beyond reputeGrace51 has a reputation beyond reputeGrace51 has a reputation beyond reputeGrace51 has a reputation beyond reputeGrace51 has a reputation beyond reputeGrace51 has a reputation beyond repute
Grace51 has a reputation beyond reputeGrace51 has a reputation beyond reputeGrace51 has a reputation beyond reputeGrace51 has a reputation beyond reputeGrace51 has a reputation beyond reputeGrace51 has a reputation beyond reputeGrace51 has a reputation beyond reputeGrace51 has a reputation beyond reputeGrace51 has a reputation beyond reputeGrace51 has a reputation beyond reputeGrace51 has a reputation beyond reputeGrace51 has a reputation beyond reputeGrace51 has a reputation beyond reputeGrace51 has a reputation beyond reputeGrace51 has a reputation beyond repute
Originally Posted by homeofmew View Post
You Know by the time your 21- ish or somewhere around my age you are expected to be looking for someone else. I was in a relationship when I was 22-23 ish that alsted for 2-3 years is theat ended horribly. Let him learn by himself.
i agree. sometime you need to allow your kids room to make their own mistake, sometimes that is the best/only way they will learn.

a couple of years ago my sister was married this man. He and his family didnt treat her right. But she was so in love she didnt listen to my parents.

She does now.

i think you should have a talk with you son, but dont push or nag.

He might not listen to you now. but when he look back a few years from now, he'll realize you are right, and will have a new level of confidence in you he would not have otherwise gained.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Unread 24th October 2012, 02:49 PM
Newbie

Gender: Female Faith: Non-Denominational Member For 1 Years
 
Join Date: 19th October 2012
Posts: 21
Blessings: 13,324
My Mood Amazed
Reps: 1,037,293,190,487,194 (power: 1,037,293,190,489)
stophurtingyourkid has a reputation beyond reputestophurtingyourkid has a reputation beyond reputestophurtingyourkid has a reputation beyond reputestophurtingyourkid has a reputation beyond reputestophurtingyourkid has a reputation beyond reputestophurtingyourkid has a reputation beyond reputestophurtingyourkid has a reputation beyond reputestophurtingyourkid has a reputation beyond reputestophurtingyourkid has a reputation beyond reputestophurtingyourkid has a reputation beyond reputestophurtingyourkid has a reputation beyond reputestophurtingyourkid has a reputation beyond reputestophurtingyourkid has a reputation beyond reputestophurtingyourkid has a reputation beyond reputestophurtingyourkid has a reputation beyond repute
stophurtingyourkid has a reputation beyond reputestophurtingyourkid has a reputation beyond reputestophurtingyourkid has a reputation beyond reputestophurtingyourkid has a reputation beyond reputestophurtingyourkid has a reputation beyond reputestophurtingyourkid has a reputation beyond reputestophurtingyourkid has a reputation beyond reputestophurtingyourkid has a reputation beyond reputestophurtingyourkid has a reputation beyond reputestophurtingyourkid has a reputation beyond reputestophurtingyourkid has a reputation beyond reputestophurtingyourkid has a reputation beyond reputestophurtingyourkid has a reputation beyond reputestophurtingyourkid has a reputation beyond reputestophurtingyourkid has a reputation beyond repute
How did you get your son to wait til age 21 to have a girl friend? My son is 15 and just had his first gf and most kids in HS are dating or wanting to meet someone they like by the age of 12-13-14-15-16. Did he choose to wait or did you as parents force him to wait? How did he deal with his normal sexual curiosity and desires prior to this time? Please help me understand. Don't mean to sound obnoxious I just dont get it.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Unread 8th June 2014, 09:07 PM
Junior Member

49 Gender: Female Married Faith: Catholic Country: Australia Member For 5 Years
 
Join Date: 4th March 2007
Posts: 221
Blessings: 2,064,951
My Mood Cynical
Blog Entries: 1
Reps: 1,558,879,309,642 (power: 1,558,879,317)
vigilantsoul has a reputation beyond reputevigilantsoul has a reputation beyond reputevigilantsoul has a reputation beyond reputevigilantsoul has a reputation beyond reputevigilantsoul has a reputation beyond reputevigilantsoul has a reputation beyond reputevigilantsoul has a reputation beyond reputevigilantsoul has a reputation beyond reputevigilantsoul has a reputation beyond reputevigilantsoul has a reputation beyond reputevigilantsoul has a reputation beyond reputevigilantsoul has a reputation beyond reputevigilantsoul has a reputation beyond reputevigilantsoul has a reputation beyond reputevigilantsoul has a reputation beyond repute
vigilantsoul has a reputation beyond reputevigilantsoul has a reputation beyond reputevigilantsoul has a reputation beyond reputevigilantsoul has a reputation beyond reputevigilantsoul has a reputation beyond reputevigilantsoul has a reputation beyond reputevigilantsoul has a reputation beyond reputevigilantsoul has a reputation beyond reputevigilantsoul has a reputation beyond reputevigilantsoul has a reputation beyond reputevigilantsoul has a reputation beyond reputevigilantsoul has a reputation beyond reputevigilantsoul has a reputation beyond reputevigilantsoul has a reputation beyond reputevigilantsoul has a reputation beyond repute
Originally Posted by stophurtingyourkid View Post
How did you get your son to wait til age 21 to have a girl friend? My son is 15 and just had his first gf and most kids in HS are dating or wanting to meet someone they like by the age of 12-13-14-15-16. Did he choose to wait or did you as parents force him to wait? How did he deal with his normal sexual curiosity and desires prior to this time? Please help me understand. Don't mean to sound obnoxious I just dont get it.
My son is one of those unique type of persons. Not everyone is mainstream. I had no hand in how or when he found a girlfriend. He is very introspective.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Unread 8th June 2014, 09:10 PM
Hetta's Avatar
kthxbai

52 Gender: Female Married Faith: Christian Party: US-Democrat Country: United States Member For 2 Years
View Profile Pic
 
Join Date: 21st June 2012
Location: the here and now
Posts: 10,875
Blessings: 18,265,235
My Mood Amused
Reps: 1,348,074,200,971,752,704 (power: 1,348,074,200,971,765)
Hetta has a reputation beyond reputeHetta has a reputation beyond reputeHetta has a reputation beyond reputeHetta has a reputation beyond reputeHetta has a reputation beyond reputeHetta has a reputation beyond reputeHetta has a reputation beyond reputeHetta has a reputation beyond reputeHetta has a reputation beyond reputeHetta has a reputation beyond reputeHetta has a reputation beyond reputeHetta has a reputation beyond reputeHetta has a reputation beyond reputeHetta has a reputation beyond reputeHetta has a reputation beyond repute
Hetta has a reputation beyond reputeHetta has a reputation beyond reputeHetta has a reputation beyond reputeHetta has a reputation beyond reputeHetta has a reputation beyond reputeHetta has a reputation beyond reputeHetta has a reputation beyond reputeHetta has a reputation beyond reputeHetta has a reputation beyond reputeHetta has a reputation beyond reputeHetta has a reputation beyond reputeHetta has a reputation beyond reputeHetta has a reputation beyond reputeHetta has a reputation beyond reputeHetta has a reputation beyond repute
Originally Posted by vigilantsoul View Post
My son is one of those unique type of persons. Not everyone is mainstream. I had no hand in how or when he found a girlfriend. He is very introspective.
How is your son doing? Is he still dating this girl?
__________________
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus
Reply With Quote
Reply


Return to Parents of Older Children

Thread Tools
Display Modes


 
Become a CF Site Supporter Today and Make These Ads Go Away!


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 11:32 PM.