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  #1  
Old 14th September 2011, 11:34 AM
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Why has Jesus left me?

I really need help. It feels like Jesus has left me to defend myself. I am trying to beat my sex addiction and I want to be a porn star and than I do not want to be a porn star, I want to cut and I want to kill myself, My ex-boyfriend will not take me back because I cheated on him about two years ago but I know we still love each other a lot, I am bisexual and I want to become an erotic writer, and I feels so lost and confused. I feel like all I do is hurt people. Hurt my parents, friends, family, and the people that I met and learned to care about though facebook. I need prayed for and someone to help me though this. I feel so alone. I will die for you to love me again. I will kill myslef if that ment making everyone else happy.
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  #2  
Old 14th September 2011, 03:03 PM
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Originally Posted by xsavedbygracex View Post
I really need help. It feels like Jesus has left me to defend myself. I am trying to beat my sex addiction and I want to be a porn star and than I do not want to be a porn star, I want to cut and I want to kill myself, My ex-boyfriend will not take me back because I cheated on him about two years ago but I know we still love each other a lot, I am bisexual and I want to become an erotic writer, and I feels so lost and confused. I feel like all I do is hurt people. Hurt my parents, friends, family, and the people that I met and learned to care about though facebook. I need prayed for and someone to help me though this. I feel so alone. I will die for you to love me again. I will kill myslef if that meant making everyone else happy.
You need much more support than what can be offered here on a Christian forum. You ask Why has Jesus left you? It sounds as if you left Him. Do you know the Story of the Prodigal Son? All the Son/daughter has to do is return home to your heavenly Father. May I suggest that you go back to you church and ask them for face to face help. Accountability, structure, and personal support is what you are looking for whether you know it or not.
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...When Church stops being about us, it can be about God again!

-James Macdonald
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  #3  
Old 14th September 2011, 03:09 PM
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Who do you think you are? I read a scripture when my husband was dealing with porn addiction, about the reason why people have sexual sins. So that is why I ask. If you really want help, let's start by identifying the reason for the sins. Who are you in your own eyes?
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Old 14th September 2011, 05:21 PM
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This seems like more of a topic for Christian Advice than Exploring Christianity.

Originally Posted by drich0150 View Post
You need much more support than what can be offered here on a Christian forum. You ask Why has Jesus left you? It sounds as if you left Him. Do you know the Story of the Prodigal Son? All the Son/daughter has to do is return home to your heavenly Father. May I suggest that you go back to you church and ask them for face to face help. Accountability, structure, and personal support is what you are looking for whether you know it or not.
Yeah...but she should be careful who she talks to. Everyone who sits in a church pew is not necessarily trustworthy. Some people may make things worse.

A preacher, or someone whose ministry is to help people in distress, would be the ones I'd turn to. Or if you can discern someone who is trustworthy, such as a friend, you can go to them.
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^^^For a list of evidence for both sides of the free will VS predestination debate.
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  #5  
Old 14th September 2011, 05:45 PM
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Jesus hasn't left you. Nor have you left Jesus.

If anything you are laboring under a tremendous weight of guilt due to an upbringing that treats sexuality as icky and bad.

Jesus hasn't left you. You're not a horrible person.

God loves you.

What you need is a healthy and safe environment of supportive people.

God loves you.

-CryptoLutheran
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Old 14th September 2011, 07:04 PM
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John 8:10:11;"When Jesus had lifted up himself, and saw none but the woman, he said unto her, Woman, where are those thine accusers? has no man condemned thee?"

11. "She said, no man, Lord. And Jesus said unto her, Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more."


Jesus loves you, and is waiting for you to believe in Him.
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Old 14th September 2011, 11:17 PM
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I really need help.
Oh? Welcome to the club. We all need help. Thank God He is willing to give it!

It feels like Jesus has left me to defend myself.
It only ever feels like that when we move away from him. He's right where he's always been; you are the one who has left him.

I am trying to beat my sex addiction
You can't beat it, but God can. Maybe you need to get out of His way so He can do for you what you can't do for yourself.

and I want to be a porn star and than I do not want to be a porn star,
A double-minded person is unstable in all their ways. This is what the apostle James wrote in the book in the New Testament bearing his name. If you don't choose to follow God's will, you are following your own. There really is no fence to sit on. Christ put it this way,

Luke 11:23
23 He who is not with Me is against Me...

God spoke pretty bluntly about going back and forth between good and evil:

Deuteronomy 30:15-20
15 "See, I have set before you today life and good, death and evil,
16 in that I command you today to love the Lord your God, to walk in His ways, and to keep His commandments, His statutes, and His judgments, that you may live and multiply; and the Lord your God will bless you in the land which you go to possess.
17 But if your heart turns away so that you do not hear, and are drawn away, and worship other gods and serve them,
18 I announce to you today that you shall surely perish...
19 I call heaven and earth as witnesses today against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing; therefore choose life, that both you and your descendants may live;
20 that you may love the Lord your God, that you may obey His voice, and that you may cling to Him, for He is your life and the length of your days...


I want to cut and I want to kill myself, My ex-boyfriend will not take me back because I cheated on him about two years ago but I know we still love each other a lot, I am bisexual and I want to become an erotic writer, and I feels so lost and confused.
Goodness! Why are all the things you list here perverse and/or destructive? Nothing you list here reflects God in any way. Is it really any wonder that he feels like He has left you to defend for yourself? You've run so far from Him into darkness that He must feel a million miles away! Fortunately, as one very wise lady once said, "There is no pit so deep that God is not deeper still." The Bible puts it this way:

Psalms 139:7-12
7 Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence?
8 If I ascend into heaven, You are there; If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there.
9 If I take the wings of the morning, And dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
10 Even there Your hand shall lead me, And Your right hand shall hold me.
11 If I say, "Surely the darkness shall fall on me," Even the night shall be light about me;
12 Indeed, the darkness shall not hide from You, But the night shines as the day; The darkness and the light are both alike to You.


I feel like all I do is hurt people.
Well, maybe you do. You can change, though.

Hurt my parents, friends, family, and the people that I met and learned to care about though facebook. I need prayed for and someone to help me though this.
The one you need is Christ. No amount of prayer, no amount of talking will ever replace submitting your life, your will, your all to him. He is the only one who can truly change you from a denizen of the darkness to a child of the light. As I said, he's not moved away from you; he's where he's always been: just a prayer away.

I feel so alone.
That's how all who choose to live in darkness eventually feel.

I will die for you to love me again. I will kill myslef if that ment making everyone else happy.
I'm sure that isn't necessary. You might want to consider the following verses in deciding what you should do about your situation:

1 John 1:9
9 If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

James 4:6-10
6 ..."God resists the proud, But gives grace to the humble."
7 Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.
8 Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded.
9 Lament and mourn and weep! Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom.
10 Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and He will lift you up.

Selah.

Last edited by aiki; 14th September 2011 at 11:24 PM.
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Old 15th September 2011, 09:50 AM
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Originally Posted by xsavedbygracex View Post
I really need help. It feels like Jesus has left me to defend myself. I am trying to beat my sex addiction and I want to be a porn star and than I do not want to be a porn star, I want to cut and I want to kill myself, My ex-boyfriend will not take me back because I cheated on him about two years ago but I know we still love each other a lot, I am bisexual and I want to become an erotic writer, and I feels so lost and confused. I feel like all I do is hurt people. Hurt my parents, friends, family, and the people that I met and learned to care about though facebook. I need prayed for and someone to help me though this. I feel so alone. I will die for you to love me again. I will kill myslef if that ment making everyone else happy.
It really isn't my place to try and provide any answer. But I just want to point out many of these replies are really terrible.

There is nothing wrong with who you are and you can be whoever you want to be! We all make mistakes and you have to forgive yourself and move on, even if it feels impossible at the moment things can always change. Trust me, I am speaking from experience and please don't underestimate the help a doctor/counselling can provide. Please see a Dr asap.
It worries me because my own cousin committed suicide earlier this year, partly inspired by the thought she would be with God and cancel out her own existence. Do you think any one she knew feels better? Even if she had cut my wrists everyday it would still be better to take the pain than to lose her. People love you even if you can't see it. There are many people also waiting to love you if you give them the chance.
I don't think you will get the help you need by relying on Jesus to save you, you have to do it yourself.
Being bisexual doesn't make you a bad person and neither does wanting to be an erotic writer, or even a pornstar imo. However I would assume all of this stems from something negative that has happened to you in the past and you are fighting to feel in control. So again a counsellor can help you with this, don't rely on prayers that won't be answered.

I hope my opinion doesn't make things worse...
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Old 15th September 2011, 10:01 AM
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Originally Posted by Curious Atheist View Post
It really isn't my place to try and provide any answer. But I just want to point out many of these replies are really terrible.

There is nothing wrong with who you are and you can be whoever you want to be! We all make mistakes and you have to forgive yourself and move on, even if it feels impossible at the moment things can always change. Trust me, I am speaking from experience and please don't underestimate the help a doctor/counselling can provide. Please see a Dr asap.
It worries me because my own cousin committed suicide earlier this year, partly inspired by the thought she would be with God and cancel out her own existence. Do you think any one she knew feels better? Even if she had cut my wrists everyday it would still be better to take the pain than to lose her. People love you even if you can't see it. There are many people also waiting to love you if you give them the chance.
I don't think you will get the help you need by relying on Jesus to save you, you have to do it yourself.
Being bisexual doesn't make you a bad person and neither does wanting to be an erotic writer, or even a pornstar imo. However I would assume all of this stems from something negative that has happened to you in the past and you are fighting to feel in control. So again a counsellor can help you with this, don't rely on prayers that won't be answered.

I hope my opinion doesn't make things worse...
^This.

-CryptoLutheran
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Old 15th September 2011, 11:00 AM
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Jesus doesn't leave people, he's either with you or he's not.

Matthew 22:14
"For many are invited, but few are chosen."

If he is with you then he will continue to mold and shape you, the holy spirit will convict you, it will bring about a new conscious and redefine right from wrong. You will naturally as a result become more sensitive to your surroundings. The holy spirit convicts so you will repent, submit and place your trust in the lord.

Matthew 10:34
"Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword."

Though killing yourself may seem like a plausible answer, its not the solution, far from it. Suicide is nothing more than slamming the door of opportunity shut and taking what distorted pride you have with you. Though It might sound harsh, I've been there. Suicide is not justice for the past, nor is it a way to happiness. Joy is not found in death, but in life.
Humble yourself, respect what you have been given. Your life is a gift, if you don't know how to use it then ask God, he would be more than willing to show you. I understand the feeling of wanting to go back and correct the past, thats a positive sign that you are willing to fix whats wrong. However, you can't do it by going backwards, only forwards.

Luke 17:32-33
Remember Lotís wife. Whoever seeks to preserve his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life will keep it.

Now, this isn't a reference for killing yourself!
What its stating here, is that if you reject your old ways for the ways of Christ you will save your life. In other words 'Don't look back, Don't long back, Don't go back'.

You need to be willing to accept the lessons that God wants you to learn, that is the humility of living life as a Christian.

Sexual sin is a tough one to overcome, but all one needs to look at is Mary Magdalene for inspiration, a female prostitute who later on became an important disciple and close friend of Christ.

As for your mental health, you need to go see a psychiatrist. It could be possible that you have BPD (borderline personality disorder), I would also advise seeing a counselor, its not safe to bottle up your thoughts and emotions. An individuals inner world can be a dangerous place to wander, as it can often become a breeding ground for madness.

I'll be praying for you.
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