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  #1  
Unread 5th June 2011, 12:25 AM
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Question Masterbation in a sexless marriage

Is it wrong to imagine your wife naked and masterbate as a way of pleasing yourself because she always says she doesnt feel like having sex?I love my wife and have tried talking about our sexless marriage which she doesnt seem to think is a problem.I sometimes go for 6 months without sex but its affecting me and i still remain loyal and never cheat but i miss sex.How long can i rely on masterbation and isnt this a sin.I try to fantasize about her only but it can be difficult as well.I feel rejected.
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  #2  
Unread 8th June 2011, 04:51 AM
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  #3  
Unread 8th June 2011, 12:44 PM
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I'm not big on giving people advice on how to live their life but for what its worth I don't think its a sin. You might want to look into seeing a sex therapy counselor with your wife. Witholding sex from a marriage partner is a form of abuse unless both partners agree to refrain. I think that was one of the things Paul was getting at here (though it also has a deeper spiritual meaning as well):

"But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. 3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. " 1 Corinthians 7:2-5
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  #4  
Unread 8th June 2011, 02:43 PM
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I believe it is wrong. From my experience, masturbation causes sickness: when I stopped masturbating, I began to recover and feel better. Also, many people masturbate and feel a natural guilt about it, the Holy Spirit convicting. At first, I didn't feel any guilt, but then the Holy Spirit convicted me.

My advice to you is pray about it and seek God earnestly.

Shawn
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  #5  
Unread 15th July 2011, 12:31 AM
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Originally Posted by khuleman View Post
Is it wrong to imagine your wife naked and masterbate as a way of pleasing yourself because she always says she doesnt feel like having sex?I love my wife and have tried talking about our sexless marriage which she doesnt seem to think is a problem.I sometimes go for 6 months without sex but its affecting me and i still remain loyal and never cheat but i miss sex.How long can i rely on masterbation and isnt this a sin.I try to fantasize about her only but it can be difficult as well.I feel rejected.
I don't think it's wrong if it's your wife you are fantasizing about only. And if she is not doing anything in those fantasies that you know she would not ever do.
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A significant discovery was made in relation to marital satisfaction and role relationships. It discovered that (81%) of equalitarian (egalitarian) couples were happily married, while (82%) of couples where both spouses perceived their relationship as traditional (hierarchical) were mainly unhappy.[17]
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  #6  
Unread 10th August 2011, 04:27 PM
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My Two Cents

Masturbation is, in the end, not satisfying. It is better that you fantasise about her as opposed to other women, of course, but it just makes you want her more and increases your frustration.

1. I would immediately start working on stopping masturbation altogether.
2. Talk to your wife. Perhaps agree to a period of abstinence for you both to pray and seek Christian Counselling.

Once sex is off the table, it can be a relief and remove most of the tension. This can give you both time to heal and get to the heart of the matter.
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  #7  
Unread 13th August 2011, 12:38 AM
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Originally Posted by Ishraqiyun View Post
I'm not big on giving people advice on how to live their life but for what its worth I don't think its a sin. You might want to look into seeing a sex therapy counselor with your wife. Witholding sex from a marriage partner is a form of abuse unless both partners agree to refrain. I think that was one of the things Paul was getting at here (though it also has a deeper spiritual meaning as well):

"But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. 3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. " 1 Corinthians 7:2-5
I agree with this totally, sex is something that is very special in marriage and provides acceptance as well as excitement in a safe and nurturing environment. I thank God for that gift for sure. Sadly my marriage broke up for totally other reasons and I do miss that side of things but do have some v fond memories
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  #8  
Unread 1st March 2012, 09:31 AM
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Originally Posted by khuleman View Post
Is it wrong to imagine your wife naked and masterbate as a way of pleasing yourself because she always says she doesnt feel like having sex?I love my wife and have tried talking about our sexless marriage which she doesnt seem to think is a problem.I sometimes go for 6 months without sex but its affecting me and i still remain loyal and never cheat but i miss sex.How long can i rely on masterbation and isnt this a sin.I try to fantasize about her only but it can be difficult as well.I feel rejected.
Am in a similar situation.
I MB frequently, and frequently fantasize about past sexual times with my wife who unfortunately only gives herself to me once every 1-3 mos. It's driving me crazy.


EDITED TO ADD:
I don't think it's a sin or wrong to fantasize about your spouse in sexual situations you once enjoyed.
Even find myself "speaking" the words we said to each other during such intimate moments/ memories.

MB is fine, though some Christians disagree.
However, one thing I'd recommend against:
Don't MB to porn.
That's a trap many men get into and thank God, I've been free of viewing and MB'ing to porn for nearly 2 years.
Am not going back.

Guys like you and I start feeling sorry for ourselves and rationalize the porn viewing due to her refusal.
However wrong your spouse is in denying you your sexual expression, it's never a good thing to view porn, for a myriad of reasons.
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Last edited by Larry Mondello; 7th March 2012 at 10:36 PM.
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  #9  
Unread 22nd March 2012, 09:50 AM
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There is not an easy answer to this question. There are times when a release brought on by "self" relieves the tension and anxiety. Not only is there evidence that it is good from a physical standpoint (prostate health), but the release can reduce the level of frustration one feels with a less than satisfying sexual relationship.
For years I have lived in a marriage that sex was not a priority from my wife's point of view. At times we have gone months without sex and I have struggled to come to terms with the "is it okay" question. Saying that masturbation is "Just wrong" is an oversimplification of the issue. Denying each other sexual satisfaction is "just wrong" but real life does contain shades of grey. Don't be too quick to make a decision for someone else, when you don't live in their shoes.
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  #10  
Unread 22nd March 2012, 10:10 AM
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Originally Posted by groups postings View Post
Am in a similar situation.
I MB frequently, and frequently fantasize about past sexual times with my wife who unfortunately only gives herself to me once every 1-3 mos. It's driving me crazy.


EDITED TO ADD:
I don't think it's a sin or wrong to fantasize about your spouse in sexual situations you once enjoyed.
Even find myself "speaking" the words we said to each other during such intimate moments/ memories.

MB is fine, though some Christians disagree.
However, one thing I'd recommend against:
Don't MB to porn.
That's a trap many men get into and thank God, I've been free of viewing and MB'ing to porn for nearly 2 years.
Am not going back.

Guys like you and I start feeling sorry for ourselves and rationalize the porn viewing due to her refusal.
However wrong your spouse is in denying you your sexual expression, it's never a good thing to view porn, for a myriad of reasons.
I would tend to agree with your response. MB while thinking of past experiences with your wife can be exciting. MB with porn films can create unrealistic expectations and frustrations.
Sexuality is an area that we, as Christians, have tended to shy away from. We don't share much between couples that would help one another cope or hopefully correct the problems we face!
Sex was designed by our Creator, do we really believe that He would want it to be rationed?
The curious thing about sex is that it is like food. By that I mean, food may not be a priority in your life until you don't have any....then it becomes a motivation, then eventually and obsession if you don't have it. Sex, is quite similar. When it is available and shared between husband and wife it can be very beautiful and sustains couples, but when it is absent, because one partner is withholding it, then it becomes a very hurtful area.
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