Hoping for a sympatheic ear

Hello all,

I wish that I was not introducing myself to you under these circumstances, but I find myself in need of some pretty major support right now as I'm floating without a place to rest ... .

Here's my story ....

My wife and I have been married now for nearly 15 years, we have 2 beautiful children and what I thought was a fairly idyllic life. All of that began to change recently. My wife has been in graduate school for a while now and as such has very little time to herself. The kids and I do everything we can to take the stress off, but being a very strong-willed person my wife holds onto a lot of it. She also had a complete hysterectomy a couple of years ago, and as such is on hormone replacement therapy. Our relationship, and hers with the kids are strained. Her temper is much shorter lately it seems.

We have had our ups and downs over the years, but have always worked through them ... we dropped out of regular church attendance several years ago and recently found a new "country" church that the whole family fell in love with. We went from invisible, to always at church ... every time we could we were in the Lord's house and things seemed great.

I have recently felt God's call and after a couple of months of soul searching and prayer accepted a leadership/teaching role in our church, and thought everything was going great!

Over the last two weeks I've found out though that my wife was never as happy as she let on to be, and not only doesn't feel the joy I do about the new role in church, but feels obligated to take her free time on Sunday's to be there to be a "good little church wife". We've fought bitterly for 2 weeks straight ending last week in her threatening to "file papers" and last night in her saying that she can't talk to me anymore.

I never thought I'd have to tell my wife that I was choosing God over her, but that's exactly what I've had to do ... now the concept of divorce/separation is a very real possibility (she even said that me and the kids would be better off without her around us).

If any of you out there can offer any advice I'd sure appreciate it. Right now I feel very alone and scared and am not sure what's going to happen. I even feel separated from God and am doubting my relationship with him because of the emptiness and hurt I feel.

My heart is breaking, and I don't know who else to reach out to.

Thank you in advance

Do you really think that God is asking you to choose between He and your wife?

Hi TMPFRE,
I'm guessing your understand the situation pretty well.

Couple of other avenues to learn about.
Is the teaching she is getting in her grad school effecting her world view?

Her complete hysterectomy and hormone replacement therapy may be effecting her more than either of you realize .. I'm guessing a doctor would have to evaluate that.

I'm with bliz that you might want to put the teaching position on hold.

Your arguments? Are you listening to what she is saying or are you just arguing?

I think a counselor where you talk talk thru all the issues you know about and others would be good.

Whatever happens I think your part the point of a quick fix. It will take serious work over time to figure out.

I pray the Lord guides you.

If she is not feeling the church, couldn't she go somewhere else or take a breather? I would definitely not want my wife to feel like she had to do anything church related. I want my wife to want to go and worship. As a result, I would personally try and find a place we both wanted to be. If she wasn't interested, I would find the best fit for me and the kids and pray she would find her place or come around.

Not sure if I am helping. Best of luck to you!

Josh

God is love and desires peace. He would not ask you to leave your wife for you are to love your wife as Christ loved the church and layed his life down for her! Confusion muddles the mind. Please go to a quiet place in silence and sit before God. How does the scripture say it? Be still and know that I am God. I am taking this advice myself.

That's exactly what I was thinking. It sounds like her issue is more with what's expected out of her, rather than her not wanting you to be there. If you could let her know that you support her in not being involved, or even going to your church at all, that may solve the problem. I know that sounds quite simplistic, and it may be, but based on what you have shared, it really sounds like she is worn out, and isn't getting refreshed at church. If you have put any pressure at all, on her to go with you, taking that pressure off, is definitely the place to start.

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A significant discovery was made in relation to marital satisfaction and role relationships. It discovered that (81%) of equalitarian (egalitarian) couples were happily married, while (82%) of couples where both spouses perceived their relationship as traditional (hierarchical) were mainly unhappy.[17]

And above all else,Pray,Pray, and Pray some more!

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A significant discovery was made in relation to marital satisfaction and role relationships. It discovered that (81%) of equalitarian (egalitarian) couples were happily married, while (82%) of couples where both spouses perceived their relationship as traditional (hierarchical) were mainly unhappy.[17]

This is a false teaching and if this is what your Church is teaching they have been deceived as you have been.

Many, many, Christian marriages have been destroyed by this false teaching.

The advice to "Be still and know that I am God" is excellent advice.

I can't say for sure what's going through your wife's mind, but I will tell you this. God has an assignment for each of us but I don't think His assignment includes neglecting your wife. I don't know that neglecting is the right word but I do know there should be a balance. Remember that he has also commanded you to love your spouse as Christ loves the church.

Am I telling you to make some compromises? Yes! But none of those compromises should be your biblical principles. Sit down with your wife and discuss what's going on. Let her know that you will not give up on your ministry or your marriage but that you two need to discuss how to make it work.

Another observation, and I may be wrong, but it almost sounds like you two don't spend enough time with each other ALONE. She's got school and you've got ministry. You need that time together. A relationship cannot thrive when most of the couples time is spent doing their own things. If you don't feel like you have the time, make the time. Go have fun together. Sit and talk without the television, kids, etc. Take a walk. Something where there is just the two of you and make it a habit. Do it regularly. Trust me, you will benefit greatly from it as will your relationship.

I suggest going to marital counseling. Go alone if you have to

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We keep moving forward, opening new doors, and doing new things, because we're curious and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths. ---Walt Disney

Diane

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