I think the Wesley's Parish could use some light hearted conversation and a good laugh. I intend to use this thread to share jokes that involve Methodists and invite y'all to do the same.
I will start the thread off with some jokes I found on the internet.
Several churches in the South decided to hold union services. The leader was a Baptist and proud of his denomination.
"How many Baptists are here?" he asked on the first night of the revival?
All except one little old lady raised their hands.
"Lady, what are you?" asked the leader.
"I'm a Methodist," meekly replied the lady.
"Why are you a Methodist?" queried the leader?
"Well," replied the little old lady, "my grandparents were Methodists, my mother was a Methodist, and my late husband was a Methodist."
"Well," retorted the leader, "just supposing all your relatives had been morons, what would that have made you?"
"Oh, I see. A Baptist, I suppose," the lady replied meekly.
There's a large ecumenical do, but so far only the Methodist minister, the Roman Catholic Priest and the Anglican vicar have turned up. Whilst they wait for the others to arrive, the priest strikes up a conversation to pass the time.
"How are your congregations looking these days, any good news at all?"
to which the vicar replies,
"Well yes as it happens, recently things have been slow but this week we had 4 new members join our congregation. It's excellent, we really think God's doing something great for our church. How our things with you back over at your church?"
"That's great to hear that you have four new members," replied the RC priest, "although I hate to say this now, but we're doing better than you, as like you we had several quiet months, but this last week have got 6 new members."
"6, wow that's excellent, and we thought we were doing well with four new members."
Both the priest and the vicar turn to the Methodist Minister who has kept fairly quiet,
"Sounds like God's really doing good things in both our churches, but you can't have had a better week than that, can you?"
"Well, as great as your news is, I'm afraid God seems to be working the most over in my church, this last week, I lost my 10 worst trouble makers"
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All need to be saved. All may be saved. All may know themselves saved. All may be saved to the uttermost.
Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.
"Neither the learned nor the unlearned are saved from the trouble of thinking. All are to think. This is the way to understand the things of God. Meditate day and night." J. Wesley
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There's a large ecumenical do, but so far only the Methodist minister, the Roman Catholic Priest and the Anglican vicar have turned up. Whilst they wait for the others to arrive, the priest strikes up a conversation to pass the time.
"How are your congregations looking these days, any good news at all?"
to which the vicar replies,
"Well yes as it happens, recently things have been slow but this week we had 4 new members join our congregation. It's excellent, we really think God's doing something great for our church. How our things with you back over at your church?"
"That's great to hear that you have four new members," replied the RC priest, "although I hate to say this now, but we're doing better than you, as like you we had several quiet months, but this last week have got 6 new members."
"6, wow that's excellent, and we thought we were doing well with four new members."
Both the priest and the vicar turn to the Methodist Minister who has kept fairly quiet,
"Sounds like God's really doing good things in both our churches, but you can't have had a better week than that, can you?"
"Well, as great as your news is, I'm afraid God seems to be working the most over in my church, this last week, I lost my 10 worst trouble makers"
How many Christians does it take to change a lightbulb?
Charismatics: Only one. Hands already in the air.
Pentecostals: Ten. One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.
Presbyterians: None. Lights will go on and off at predestined times.
Roman Catholic: None. Candles only.
Baptists: At least 15. One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad.
Episcopalians: Three. One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks and one to talk about how much better the old one was.
Methodists: Undetermined. Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Church wide lighting service is planned for Sunday. Bring bulb of your choice and a covered dish.
Nazarene: Six. One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.
Lutherans: None. Lutherans don't believe in change.
Jehovah's Witnesses: Three. One to screw in the bulb, and two to knock on your door and ask you if you've seen the light!
Mormons: Just one, after his wives have gotten on the school bus.
How many Christians does it take to change a lightbulb?
Charismatics: Only one. Hands already in the air.
Pentecostals: Ten. One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.
Presbyterians: None. Lights will go on and off at predestined times.
Roman Catholic: None. Candles only.
Baptists: At least 15. One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad.
Episcopalians: Three. One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks and one to talk about how much better the old one was.
Methodists: Undetermined. Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Church wide lighting service is planned for Sunday. Bring bulb of your choice and a covered dish.
Nazarene: Six. One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.
Lutherans: None. Lutherans don't believe in change.
Jehovah's Witnesses: Three. One to screw in the bulb, and two to knock on your door and ask you if you've seen the light!
Mormons: Just one, after his wives have gotten on the school bus.
Amish: What's a light bulb?
I think this is my favorite of the group so far
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I think this is my favorite of the group so far 
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