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  #1  
Old 6th April 2011, 10:01 PM
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I need a wife, but I am stuck...

Well, I am obviously only 22, but I keep realizing that I need a wife. At least, according to Paul's standard, and I've realized my struggle with lust and the like is all related to wanting a relationship, a REAL relationship.

However, I'm going back to school full time, and will be working full time, and I won't really have time outside of that. But on top of all that, I don't make enough money, and the career path I am choosing, I don't know that I ever will, to "support" a family (but I guess who does in todays economy?).

I feel somewhat stuck because I don't know what to do. I obviously need to progress from where I currently am, and education will not be guarantee, but it will help. But I also believe spiritually, I need a wife. It's just paradoxically, I'm also not "prepared" for a wife -- or at least that's how I feel.

Again, I'm just speaking out my mind. Does anyone have suggestions? Oh, and thanks for everyones help on the church thread. I'm going to be attending that Immanuel Grace Reformed Baptist Church this Sunday. Pretty excited about that.
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  #2  
Old 6th April 2011, 11:02 PM
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[quote=faceofbear;57171463]Well, I am obviously only 22, but I keep realizing that I need a wife. At least, according to Paul's standard, and I've realized my struggle with lust and the like is all related to wanting a relationship, a REAL relationship.

However, I'm going back to school full time, and will be working full time, and I won't really have time outside of that. But on top of all that, I don't make enough money, and the career path I am choosing, I don't know that I ever will, to "support" a family (but I guess who does in todays economy?).

I feel somewhat stuck because I don't know what to do. I obviously need to progress from where I currently am, and education will not be guarantee, but it will help. But I also believe spiritually, I need a wife. It's just paradoxically, I'm also not "prepared" for a wife -- or at least that's how I feel.

Have you asked God for a wife?
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Old 6th April 2011, 11:23 PM
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I hate to quote Jeff Foxworthy, but:

"Getting married so you can have sex is like taking a 747 to buy a bag of peanuts."

He's got a point. Marrying just so you can satisfy a sexual need is, in my opinion, absurd. A marriage should be based on much more than that. Which is one reason I think there's more to the meaning of that passage than people see on the surface.
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Old 7th April 2011, 07:52 AM
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It's not about sex. The lust is a result of wanting a relationship. And it all ties in with Pauls message.
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  #5  
Old 7th April 2011, 09:34 AM
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I feel your pain brother, I really do but you need to take your time with this. To me your still so very young and you might not be ready yet financially to take on a wife, I dont say this to hurt you but to help you. I learned the hard way about getting married to soon because after 4yrs of marriage my first wife decided it was time to go, thank goodness we never had kids together! But let me tell you, kids or no kids the pain of divorce is something I would never ever wish on anyone!

It took me quite some time to get over it and I eventually did remarry and now I have a wonderful wife and 2 precious little girls. But just so you know the pain of divorce is still in the back of my mind even though it happened in 2003, sometimes the wound will heal but the scars will remain for a lifetime.
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Old 7th April 2011, 09:48 AM
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Originally Posted by faceofbear View Post
Well, I am obviously only 22, but I keep realizing that I need a wife. At least, according to Paul's standard, and I've realized my struggle with lust and the like is all related to wanting a relationship, a REAL relationship.
To be honest, the first problem I see in your post is that you say you "need" a wife. If that is the way that you feel, then I would suggest that perhaps the concept of marriage is somewhat of an idol to you and that what you really need is to seek God's guidance, love, and nurturing so that you can be content with or without a woman in your life.

I would discourage you from seeking a wife just as a matter of lust control. Although sex is a very important aspect of marriage, it is not the purpose of marriage. And, marriage does not solve the lust problem.

However, I'm going back to school full time, and will be working full time, and I won't really have time outside of that. But on top of all that, I don't make enough money, and the career path I am choosing, I don't know that I ever will, to "support" a family (but I guess who does in todays economy?).
If you don't have the financial, spiritual, and emotional means to care for a family, then you are not ready to be married. I made the mistake of marrying before I was ready, and it was a disaster.


I feel somewhat stuck because I don't know what to do. I obviously need to progress from where I currently am, and education will not be guarantee, but it will help. But I also believe spiritually, I need a wife. It's just paradoxically, I'm also not "prepared" for a wife -- or at least that's how I feel.

Again, I'm just speaking out my mind. Does anyone have suggestions? Oh, and thanks for everyones help on the church thread. I'm going to be attending that Immanuel Grace Reformed Baptist Church this Sunday. Pretty excited about that.
I would encourage you to seek God's direction on this one. I went through a period myself when I thought that I needed to get into a relationship so that I could get married. At the time, God had led me to memorize the prayer of St. Francis, which is as follows:

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love.
Where there is injury, pardon.
Where there is doubt, faith.
Where there is despair, hope.
Where there is darkness, light.
Where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master,
grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console;
to be understood, as to understand;
to be loved, as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive.
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.
Amen.

One day when I was saying the line "to [not so much seek] be loved, as to love", I realized that as long as I was looking to a woman to fulfill my needs and to love me, I was not ready to even consider dating, let alone marriage. I realized that, before I should pursue a relationship with a woman, I needed to make sure that my heart was oriented completely on loving another, rather than on being loved or having my emotional, sexual, or other needs met.

I would encourage you to think about the words of the prayer above, as it reveals a very biblical way of approaching relationships.
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  #7  
Old 7th April 2011, 09:58 AM
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I dont believe anyone needs to get married...you don't [i]need[i] a wife. From the looks of it you just want to date someone and with dating comes strong temptations. People want to get married, and for various reasons. Paul's message was directly correlated to sexual immorality...not "wanting a relationship." Let's be real here....

You're still looking for a church right? Well find you a church, then find you a good church-going girl....can't go wrong with that plan. Proverbs 16:9
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Old 7th April 2011, 10:08 AM
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Go to church, focus on finding a nice woman and have a relationship with her and then marry.

Don't be in a rush. You have a lot of time. No one NEEDS to be married right now. Patience.

Originally Posted by faceofbear View Post
Well, I am obviously only 22, but I keep realizing that I need a wife.
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Old 7th April 2011, 10:11 AM
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I have a rule of dating someone for 3 years before even considering marriage. Still got 1.5 left with the current 'ol lady
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Old 7th April 2011, 10:56 AM
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Paul says that if you want really bad to have a bag of peanuts, it is better to buy a 747 than going around stilling peanust. I keep saying that there is only one thing worst than being married; being single.

The idea of praying God for a wife is OK, it is a must. The Holy Spirit knows you in deep I you can pray telling God that He knows your words before you pray. You are not saying anything new to God. A good way of praying it is say that is in base of the promeses. If you can found a good promeses specific for your sitiation (not just only ask ans will recieve) your pray will be powerrfull. Aditionally you can pray in the sense that being man uncomplited is not your idea but His; founding a woman (the one God has to you,not any one) to be completed is not your competence it is His; and that becoming one flesh is not a sin but a bless.

At other hand I advice you to do as David did before Goliath. He knew that God will help him, and that one ston will be enough; but he went to the river to select five stones. Only then he confronted Goliath in the name and power of God. My suggestion is to keep searching for that girl...contact the one is more atractive (not sexy) for you (perhaps her smille) and date her if possible. Keep going to the river selecting stones.

You dont have to be restricted to the girls in the church. If you date a girl not necessarely has to marry her. I found my wife in the world and kind of date her for a while. The first kiss was only after she were new born. But dating girls from the world expecting to be converted is not the best thing to do.

I hardly believe that God plan for you is remaining single.
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