Those who say "but look at all the resources"....i think the availability of resources is part of the problem frankly. Its amazing the problems that just pop up in a marriage after someone readss about those problems on some "resource"
The relationship may very well might start out with the same innocent energy—a combustion erupting from excitement and shared interests—but you never know when one or both parties might get attached and therefore get needy and jealous, and then it becomes a problem for one or both of the marriages involved. Because personal needs are now being met through the online relationship instead of the marriage.
This is pretty much what the Christian counselor said to my h about his interactions with former g/f's on Facebook.
The internet can be a wonderful thing - but, like anything else, it can be a conduit for wrongdoing. It's not the fault of the internet, of course, it's about the users and their intentions.
And I have to say -- I met my husband online!! So it can't be all bad.
I met my wife online as well. The internet is what you make of it, its great for college classes to post additional resources for down load, email, certian types of research (but you have to be careful if you doing real research becuase most internet material that is supposidly professional is bunk you have to know what your looking at, I prefer professional subscriptions or text books, which segways into all these "studies" that people start throwing around or demanding you provide when the thread starts to turn into a flame war lol). Its GREAT for buying and selling stuff as well, amazon craigslist, ebay, etc.
The article focuses on social networking sites. I can see where those can and do cause problems. My DH had a childhood friend on his FB for a while who apparently still carried a flame for him. I casually mentioned the fact that she commented on or "liked" every single thing he posted. I wasn't even really bothered by it at that point. But, he defriended her out of respect for me and b/c he did not want to send her the wrong message.
Likewise, I would stop talking to anyone who made my DH uncomfortable or seemed overly interested in talking to me. Period. No questions asked.
So, I think sites like that - or even CF for that matter - are fine as long as there are appropriate boundaries in place for communicating with the opposite sex.
And I have to say -- I met my husband online!! So it can't be all bad.
DW and I met online as well.
As far as I'm concerned the internet isn't really much of a difference in terms of marriage. I mean it can have some effect but it depends on how its used.
"Many Christians suppose that it makes no difference which church group a Christian joins, and they act accordingly. When they come to a place where any kind of Protestant church is found, they join it as members. There are people who were successively Reformed, Baptists, Methodists, Presbyterians, Congregationalists, depending upon the place where they lived. And we should not be surprised when this happens among the sects, for they are not certain about their distinctive doctrines, because they are not grounded in God's Word." - Franz Pieper
Yes I think the evidence is in ..for SOME the internet is damaging to marraiges.In more than one way..
But its not just marriages..or even the content that the person is engaging in..For instance children and especially teenagers..Can become obsessed or "addicted" to places like Facebook..and neglect their shoolwork..
I think "texting" also is damaging..my niece and her friends ...we went to Austin recently and one of the girls..I swear texted probably added up 10 hours a day.The entire time we were playing cards (which was everyday several times a day sometimes for more than an hour)..she was constantly texting to someone..We had to snap our fingers at her and tell her its YOUR turn..
I guess the problem with that is she was "detached" from face to face socializing even when she was in fact in a face to face social situation ..Even though she had ample time to do both..She could it seemed NOT put that away to completely focus on somethign else..We went to a resturant..Same thing..she was staring at that device and texting texting texting at the table..in the car texting...while she WALKED from the car to the resturant texting..While they sunbathed on the dock texting..when she layed down on their nest of blankets to go to sleep..texting texting texting..she rarely put it down.In fact only to sleep it seems and to shower..even when she ATE ...They went on a boat..as they were pulling off(I was taking pictures from the dock) she was in the boat TEXTING...
I think she would have to go to TEXTING REHAB if someone took that thing away from her..
Ha ha, Dallas. You know when we were driving somewhere a little while ago, we passed a young man and woman - late teens/early 20's - walking along together, shoulders touching, both texting on their separate phones. I asked my h if he thought they were texting each other.
There has been a rise in "sexting" which saddens me - teens sending nude or sexualized photos. That's why I'm glad that our kids don't have web access on their phones, and therefore cannot get internet or send or receive photos. One of my youngest kid's friends got an I-PHONE for her 11th birthday!! I told him not to be looking for one of those any time soon - if ever!
I thought that was crazy scary for such a young girl, especially as that same girl is all over the internet, causing trouble on Facebook with my nephew's stepdaughters - she is possessive of my youngest son, even though she has a "boyfriend" of her own (at 11!). So she put all kinds of crap on my nephew's s/d's FB page. My nephew had his s/d take the girl off her FB page and told us why, but my son sticks up for her - which is cool, I guess, he's a loyal boy, but I hope he doesn't ever end up dating this girl as they get older.
Wow, that went completely off message!!! But it's the same thing - internet etc.
On a complete downer: my h reactivated his FB account yesterday. He told me he had taken off everyone other than people I can't possibly object to. We will see.
Last edited by JaneFW; 24th March 2011 at 12:31 PM.
I'm in agreement with you Dallas. I do think it is a problem for SOME people. DH and I have been married for 13 years and have had the internet off and on for that entire time so I'd like to think that it's not with us. What I do know is that there is nothing and that I don't think I'd be scared for my husband to see and the same goes for him.
And if I'm not sure about a correspondence, he's the one I turn to for advice. Case in point, I got a private message from a gentleman on Facebook. I never knew this man very well but DH and I both knew his wife fairly well because we'd worked with her. I thought that maybe the message had come from her using his account so I wrote back. I told DH about it at dinner at which time he let me know that this man had split with his wife some time back. And that he thought it was very strange this guy would try and contact me of all people since I'd talked to the man for all of 5 minutes, maybe. Long story short, I let DH see both messages and then blocked the man. There's just no point in talking to someone online that I don't care about and upsetting someone in RL that I do care about.