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Struggles with Sexuality A new forum open to ALL members who are struggling with sexuality issues (including homosexuality). All posts will be reviewed before being made public. NOTE: Only Christians are allowed to reply and offer support here.

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  #1  
Unread 17th March 2011, 01:56 AM
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Scared of sex!!!

My husband wants to have sex with me, but I am scared of it.
I felt that having sex is wrong, dirty.
I do not know what kind of sex is all right in the eyes of God.

Sorry for this sensitive question.

1) Is kissing all right? I mean, my husband tried to lick my tongue with his tongue. Is that okay?

2) My husband tried to lick my body with his tongue and I stopped him. I felt that was gross.

Is that any information I can look into, to learn more about sex, the God-approved way.

Thanks for your help. I am kind of upset by my husband's display of intimacy towards me.
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  #2  
Unread 17th March 2011, 02:18 AM
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"Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: 'It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.' But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control." - 1 Corinthians 7:1-5

Sex within marriage is not sinful. It is to be a loving act where the husband and the wife serve each other. It's supposed to make both of you feel good and draw you closer to each other.
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  #3  
Unread 17th March 2011, 02:34 AM
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Originally Posted by Hishandmaiden View Post
My husband wants to have sex with me, but I am scared of it.
I felt that having sex is wrong, dirty.
I do not know what kind of sex is all right in the eyes of God.

Sorry for this sensitive question.

1) Is kissing all right? I mean, my husband tried to lick my tongue with his tongue. Is that okay?

2) My husband tried to lick my body with his tongue and I stopped him. I felt that was gross.

Is that any information I can look into, to learn more about sex, the God-approved way.

Thanks for your help. I am kind of upset by my husband's display of intimacy towards me.


The ultimate joining together of a man and woman is the joining together of two spirits; of two minds; and of two bodies. The most intimate knowledge of marriage partners comes about through these three joinings in a Christian marriage. This is why Christians can have a much more stimulating sex life than non-Christians. Non-Christians cannot join together in the spirit. They lack that extra dimension.

The Bible says that marriage partners should offer their bodies to each other in marriage and should not deny each other except for a short season for fasting (see I Corinthians 7:5). God made men and women sexual beings. There is no sin in marital sex.

Sex in marriage is good and holy and ordained of God.

The importance of sexual intercourse and the role of desire appear numerous times in Genesis. Eve is told that despite the pain of childbirth, "your desire shall be for your husband" (Gen 3:16). Sarah describes sexual intercourse as "pleasure" (Genesis 18:12). Isaac is noticed "fondling his wife Rebekah" (Gen 26:8).

The Song of Solomon celebrates erotic love between a man and a woman in a remarkably mutual relationship.

My beloved thrust his hand into the opening,
and my inmost being yearned for him.
I arose to open to my beloved,
and my hand dripped with myrrh,
my fingers with liquid myrrh...(Song 5:4-5).
How fair and pleasant you are
O loved one, delectable maiden!
You are stately as a palm tree
and your breasts are like its clusters.
I say I will climb the palm tree
and lay hold of its branches.
Oh, may your breasts be like
clusters of the vine,
and the scent of your breath like apples,
and your kisses like the best wine
that goes down smoothly
gliding over lips and teeth...(Song 7:6-9).


Talk to your husband about your feelings. Be brutally honest if you can. Ask him to be patient with you. Both of you should pray together and alone about this dilemma. God can and will work it out if you are both willing to hear his instruction and be guided by His Spirit.
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  #4  
Unread 17th March 2011, 07:15 AM
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Afraid to have sex

I am a christian woman, with a wonderful christian husband.
However, one thing often hindered our intimacies and this is my fear of sex.

Everytime my husband want to come near me in a sexual manner, I get terrified.

Is there any good christian book on handling sex the christian way, that I can look into, so that I can give to my husband his sexual desire for me?
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  #5  
Unread 17th March 2011, 08:24 AM
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What is it in particular that scares you about being intimate with your partner?
Is is the concept of intercourse?
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  #6  
Unread 17th March 2011, 09:52 AM
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Originally Posted by Hishandmaiden View Post
I am a christian woman, with a wonderful christian husband.
However, one thing often hindered our intimacies and this is my fear of sex.

Everytime my husband want to come near me in a sexual manner, I get terrified.

Is there any good christian book on handling sex the christian way, that I can look into, so that I can give to my husband his sexual desire for me?
There is a great one. Song of Solomon. Also, Dr. David Jeremiah recently did a study on that book. He offered some great insights.

DavidJeremiah.org

You can go to the archives, and listen to the whole series on Song of Solomon.
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  #7  
Unread 17th March 2011, 12:11 PM
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I think you need to get some professional help. It sounds like you may have a phobia of sex for some reason or another.
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  #8  
Unread 17th March 2011, 12:20 PM
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"Intimate Issues" to any women who still believe that sex is dirty.
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  #9  
Unread 17th March 2011, 01:04 PM
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How long have you been married? What is your husband's reaction to your fear? What sort of premarital counseling did you have on the subject?

Not to be too intrusive (you need not even answer if this is just enough to get your mind going), but do you have a history of sexual abuse? Perhaps something in your childhood? You may even have some repressed or partially-repressed memories you need to work through with a counselor and with your husband (he absolutely must know what happened to build trust and so he can avoid your "triggers").
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  #10  
Unread 18th March 2011, 08:48 AM
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Discuss with him what seems gross or unhealthy to you. Sexuality isn't something to be tolerated or endured by either husband or wife.
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regeneration does not act in people as if they were blocks and stones; nor does it abolish the will and its properties or coerce a reluctant will by force, but spiritually revives, heals, reforms Canons of Dordt, 1.16


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