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1st March 2011, 12:32 PM
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Reps: 280,772,121,099,737,952 (power: 280,772,121,099,759) | | Originally Posted by Conservativation  Every situation is different.....yes....we know that.
BUT, its been proven that MOST divorces are due to unhappiness and lack the "big" reasons. Besides, no one said unhappy for a short time.....the statement was "most divorces are because of unhappiness"....and what he means is, there was not abuse or affairs etc.
Its not a judgmental statement. Its a statement of a fact. NONE of this information has a wit to do with you personally. Please dont take it personal. Its information gleaned from simple counting up of facts. Its like sports statistics. Its not intended to treat, diagnose, cure, or in any way impact any existing marriage. Its just a statement of a fact, like, "the sun is shining"....it means nothing except, in these 100 divorces we counted, more than 50 fit this set of criteria. Why those divorces should bother someone else and keep them in a marriage is unecessary
How can I take this personally when I'm not even divorced?
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Isaiah 41:10
Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT GIVE MY PERMISSION FOR ANY OF MY POSTS TO BE USED NOR QUOTED IN ANY OTHER FORUM OTHER THEN CF! |
1st March 2011, 12:33 PM
|  | κύριε ἐλέησον χριστὲ ἐλέησον
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Reps: 172,377,018,846,282,080 (power: 172,377,018,846,307) | | Originally Posted by McScribe In some ways I agree, but you know my views on this. What Luther just said "If they stay on work on things chances are it will work out"--I don't know if you can see this, but to someone who is deeply unhappy that actually doesn't sound terribly hopeful.
Imagine this: a child is upset about something. Saying "things will work out okay, you just have to be positive" is kind of true but it's not good enough. Hope has to be tangible. Theoretical statements don't help. I realize that there is truth in them but that doesn't make any difference.
For people who are struggling in an unhappy marriage, their unhappiness is a reality, and it is not merely convenient to focus that on someone else, it's deeply instinctive.
And thats the problem, people spend more time worrying about making sure that everyone knows they are the victim then making a true and honest shot at trying to turn their marriage around. And of course you have a marriage with two victims who are trying to fight over who the victim is.
I also think it takes the maturity to know what things will make you happy. Because really I don't see it as any different from people who want things and think these things will make them happier. If the definition of insanity is trying the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result then I think a large chunk of the population is truely insane.
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"Many Christians suppose that it makes no difference which church group a Christian joins, and they act accordingly. When they come to a place where any kind of Protestant church is found, they join it as members. There are people who were successively Reformed, Baptists, Methodists, Presbyterians, Congregationalists, depending upon the place where they lived. And we should not be surprised when this happens among the sects, for they are not certain about their distinctive doctrines, because they are not grounded in God's Word." - Franz Pieper |
1st March 2011, 12:33 PM
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| | Join Date: 18th June 2009
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Reps: 343,760,399,751,183,104 (power: 0) | | Originally Posted by McScribe Do you have examples of this working?
Yep
Marriage Savers incorporates this into the mentoring process. They dont mince, and they have the single most demonstrably successful marriage saving program in the U.S. By orders of magnitude. Sometimes I get the feeling people, when hearing divorce, feel an urge to dive for the kid gloves..."oh, divorce, well, no there are rules, unwrittenm, on how to speak to people in divorce, and even how to speak ABOUT divorce and we cannot cross those lines, get those kid gloves...actually grab 2 pairs, you cant be too careful" |
1st March 2011, 12:34 PM
| | Legend
| | Join Date: 18th June 2009
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Reps: 343,760,399,751,183,104 (power: 0) | | Originally Posted by c1ners How can I take this personally when I'm not even divorced?
Well....by saying threads like this keep you in the marriage?
Thats personal... |
1st March 2011, 12:36 PM
| | Legend
| | Join Date: 18th June 2009
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Reps: 343,760,399,751,183,104 (power: 0) | | Originally Posted by freezerman2000 My divorce made me a lot happier than I was while I was married.
My great uncle smoked every day for 70 years and died a fairly healthy man for his age at 95. IN GENERAL was the OP. |
1st March 2011, 12:40 PM
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Reps: 280,772,121,099,737,952 (power: 280,772,121,099,759) | | Originally Posted by Conservativation Well....by saying threads like this keep you in the marriage?
Thats personal...
It also makes already divorced people feel like they're being judged. And that's their right.
A guy at work was just left by his wife because he wasn't fun anymore. But that's the only divorce that I can think of that has actually been done out of total selfishness.
Is this man happy? Heck no he's not happy. Is his wife happy? I hope not. And to be honest......if a couple divorce for such selfish reasons they will probably never be happy. In a marriage or our of a marriage.
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Isaiah 41:10
Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT GIVE MY PERMISSION FOR ANY OF MY POSTS TO BE USED NOR QUOTED IN ANY OTHER FORUM OTHER THEN CF! |
1st March 2011, 12:41 PM
| | Senior Contributor
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| | Join Date: 12th December 2005 Location: US
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Reps: 280,772,121,099,737,952 (power: 280,772,121,099,759) | | Originally Posted by Conservativation My great uncle smoked every day for 70 years and died a fairly healthy man for his age at 95.
IN GENERAL was the OP.
lol! IN GERNERAl he's happier.................
__________________
Isaiah 41:10
Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT GIVE MY PERMISSION FOR ANY OF MY POSTS TO BE USED NOR QUOTED IN ANY OTHER FORUM OTHER THEN CF! |
1st March 2011, 12:41 PM
| | Legend
46 
| | Join Date: 14th December 2005
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Reps: 1,416,833,113,074,658,048 (power: 0) | | Originally Posted by McScribe Do you have examples of this working?
No because it hasn't been tired. The problem is all of the false information and perceptions about divorce that is out there now. And it almost seems that any information that comes to light, any studies that challenge or question what "everyone knows" about divorce are burried. It's almost as if someone, some group(s) don't want the false information about divorce to be exposed. |
1st March 2011, 12:45 PM
| | Legend
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| | Join Date: 14th December 2005
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Reps: 1,416,833,113,074,658,048 (power: 0) | | Originally Posted by McScribe This is true, but it doesn't necessarily mean that their potential happiness is not increased. For example they may come to realize that their unhappiness is their personal issue rather than being able to focus their unhappiness on their spouse.
But the facts on the ground suggest that even after 5 years, more often than not, that potential isn't realized. And it would seem to me that a person who chooses to divorce over happiness type issues, by and large, isn't the sort of person who is going to come to the realization "hey, maybe I'm the problem(or a part of it) here.". They aren't, IMO, any more likely to come to that point after divorce than they would have been before. And since many are already re-married (most often way too soon) they just put the focus on their new spouse. New spouse, same issues. |
1st March 2011, 12:50 PM
| | Legend
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| | Join Date: 14th December 2005
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Reps: 1,416,833,113,074,658,048 (power: 0) | | Originally Posted by c1ners Every situaion is different. I highly doubt that the majority of married couples get divorced just because they feel like it! Or that they are unhappy for a short period of time.
Well on that you would be wrong. Most divorces do not include anything that we'd consider good grounds, Biblical or otherwise. Originally Posted by c1ners How long does one have to be unhappy before they finally decide to make the decision of divorce? Is it weeks, months, years? Does one person have to keep trying for 20 years before it beomes acceptable?
From a Biblical standpoint, show me where unhappiness is grounds for divorce. The reality is that if you got married to be happy, you got married for the wrong reason. Not saying that a marriage SHOULD be unhappy, but happines is not one of God's reasons for creating marriage. Originally Posted by c1ners It's silly threads like this that keep me in the awful marriage that I'm in today.
Its your choice to read them or not. If threads on a discussion board are what you are basing life choices on though, I'll strongly suggest that you start looking elsewhere for your input on those choices.  | | |
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