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  #1  
Old 12th November 2010, 06:59 AM
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Dating a Non-Virgin Christian Girl

I am a 22 year old guy who has worked very hard to keep my virginity. Maybe I have gone further with girls than is Biblically right, but I have saved the last step at least for marriage.

Now, I have recently met a beautiful Christian girl who loves God and has helped me improve my life. We really have only known each other for about a month but our relationship has progressed very quickly.

We have done some making out and I have learned that she is not a virgin, and, and I been alright with it, we would have already had sex. I am not willing to have sex before marriage, and while this girls standards are incredibly high on every other level - she has not problem with relationships going all the way. Now, while she has lived in the US for a while, she is from a more physical culture I believe (Brazil).

She is willing to respect my desire to wait, I am just not sure how comfortable I feel with a woman who has no problems with sex at all. Maybe I'm being trivial.

Any kind of good, respectful, Christian advice would be great.
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  #2  
Old 13th November 2010, 08:55 PM
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....~*~*~*~MODHAT ON~*~*~*....

greetings! this thread has been moved to christian advice!



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His character:
*compassion*
the compassion of God's love
is bigger than His wrath...
invision His compassion:
He calls you by name.
seek His compassion:
it bought you eternal life.
exstend His compassion:
we are His hands and feet;
the salt and light of the earth.
when touched by the compassion of the Father;
accomplish great things.
leave the compassion of the Father;
miss great things.
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  #3  
Old 13th November 2010, 09:10 PM
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I believe you should pray to God and ask Him for guidance. He will move your heart in the right direction. If she is someone that could tempt you into having sex, I don't think that pursuing this further would be a good idea because it could lead to a sacrifice of morals you've worked hard to upkeep. The other thing is the fact that it might be difficult for her to be in a non sexual relationship (even though she might not admit it to you) and it might lead to bad things such as cheating and/or a break up.

Only God and time will tell.
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  #4  
Old 13th November 2010, 10:22 PM
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Don't forget it takes two people to have sex. Her sexual past could have been any number of things, maybe she was just in a relationship with a great guy who didn't think having sex was a big deal. Maybe she was with a guy who played with her emotions.

But you have to be objective and look at her actions now as well as her actions in the past and you have to use your intuition and your experiences and the Grace of the Lord to guide you.
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  #5  
Old 14th November 2010, 12:33 AM
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In 2nd Corinthians, I forget the exact verse, but Paul talks about how if you marry a non-believer, you may open up the one way that person could be converted. After all, she would be living with a believer, and if you live your life out through His will and let the courage and strength He gives you shine through, that in itself is an excellent way to witness to her. Marrying her may actually save her life. Just be confident she cannot pull you down from your faith. Never abandon God, and if you keep that in mind, then marrying her is perfectly fine.

God does warn that it is dangerous to marry a non-believer, as they could pull you from your faith, but He also says that if you do marry one, your love and way of life may convert them.
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Without God, what makes us different from animals, what makes us special? Intelligence? If that is all that makes us special, then anyone slightly less intelligent than you or I has a life that is not as important, right? The reality is there is nothing about humans that makes us different from animals unless there is a god, and that is one of the many reasons I will never stop believing.
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  #6  
Old 14th November 2010, 12:39 AM
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Originally Posted by ShanksForte View Post
Don't forget it takes two people to have sex. Her sexual past could have been any number of things, maybe she was just in a relationship with a great guy who didn't think having sex was a big deal. Maybe she was with a guy who played with her emotions.

But you have to be objective and look at her actions now as well as her actions in the past and you have to use your intuition and your experiences and the Grace of the Lord to guide you.
Great post.

Another thing to consider, if you do wait & do continue with her. . .. you will have a woman you know won't be in the "doesn't like sex" or "has sexual hangups that make her frigid" camp. It makes for happy living.

On the other hand, you could reject a really great young woman just because she has sinned in the past. Have you sinned? There ya go, the playing field is level.

Would she be a good wife? Would she be a good mother to your children? Would her parents make good inlaws? How does she get along with your parents? Sibblings, would they make good inlaws? What do you think your children might look like? These are all far more important questions than if she's had sex or not.
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  #7  
Old 14th November 2010, 05:50 PM
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I find it somewhat disturbing that she does not think that going all the way outside of wedlock a sin... it seems like a disconnect from biblical teaching. Struggling with a sin is very different from not acknowledging it as sin at all.

I would not consider this a reason to stop dating her now, just an indication there are some things you need to find out from her. Does she consider what she did sin? Why would she be ok with going all the way now if she does consider it sin? Avoid an accusational tone, simply ask these questions in an attitude of openness and love.

Above all, pray about this first! Let your concerns be known to God, and then have an honest and open conversation with her about this.

just my 2 cents worth, but you want to be sure she is sincere in her faith since you seem to be. Marriage is not to be entered into lightly, but also waiting for the "perfect" woman is a good way to end up old and celebate.
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Love without truth is not God's love; truth without love is not God's truth.

Ephesians 3:17-19: so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; and that you, being rooted and grounded in love, (18) may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, (19) and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled up to all the fullness of God.
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  #8  
Old 14th November 2010, 06:43 PM
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If I may, I got saved a year ago, before that, I had a somewhat colourful past involving recreational drug use, sex with any female who was up for it, booze, pills and so on. Now, Im willing to wait until I'm married for sex, which is fair enough.

If someone were to say they were uncomfortable with me having had sex before I became a Christian, then I'd look at four Bible verses:

1: Romans 8:1 (ASV) "There is therefore now no condemnation for those in Christ."

So no sin matters and affects a persons salvation. If she's doing all the Christian stuff now and puts her faith inChrist for her salvation, what she did doesn't matter to Christ, so why would it matter to you?

2: Psalm 53:3 (NIV) "Everyone has turned away, they have together become corrupt; there is no one who does good, not even one."

Everyone sins, I did something appalling tonight, but its not given for us to judge sin, Jesus said that those who had committed no sin could throw the first stone and no-one did, therefore I'd say that, because we're all sinful, it doesnt matter if we percieve one as being worse than the other or if someone is sinful in our sight, we are all sinful in the eyes of God and it's not given for us to judge.

3: 1st Thesselonians 4:3 (NIV) "It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality;"

You admit to doing more than is Biblically right with other girls, so why are you able to draw a distincition between the full act and parts of it when all of it is detestable to the Lord? I do the same thing to be honest, I'm a sucker for pretty girls and I often look at them more than I should, yet I often think its ok compared to other stuff, like sex and so on. However, I tend to look at things from a human level, as God is, well, God, he looks at things differently and I'm not sure me saying "Well, she was fit, so I looked at her bum, but I didnt have sex with her" will stand up to someone so holy as Him.

4: John 15:12 (NIV) "My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you"

Jesus loves us, despite our sin, no matter how bad or innocent we see it to be. You are called to love her in the same way, irrespective of sins, past or present.

I think my point is, bluntly, get over it. We've all sinned, we're all forgiven in Christ, all sin is bad in the eyes of God and yet he still loves us, and we're called to love one another in the same way.
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  #9  
Old 14th November 2010, 09:02 PM
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What does she think about sex after marriage?

If you look down the road a little way... you have to wonder what her thinking is about sex outside of marriage? And what she will teach your sons and daughters about sex? Her agreement to wait doesn't resolve the matter.
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  #10  
Old 14th November 2010, 09:15 PM
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So let me get this straight... you've had sex without penetration, but she has had penetration, and now you're considering not being with her because she has sinned in a certain way that you're holding against her.

You two need to be responsible, and you need to decide if you want to be with her.

BL
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