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  #1  
Unread 21st September 2010, 04:28 PM
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Pain Inflicted: Virgin dating Non-Virgin

I'm a guy in college, age 21, and recently started dating a girl about 7 months ago. I had been with a hs girlfriend for 3 years and we both were waiting til marriage. I broke up with her, because I felt she wasn't the one for me in the end. However, we fooled around, and just because we didn't have sexual intercourse doesn't mean we're pure.

However, the girl I've been dating had sex at 18 with her bf of 7 months. She dated other guys after him, they dated for 2 years and she had sex with another guy who she only dated for 6 months. Neither of those occurrences bother me, because she was in a committed relationship and I would have seen myself falling to temptation as well.

She's been cheated on in everyone of her relationships. And recently, I found out she had sex with a 3rd guy over spring break. The guy gave her attention from the first day and on the second to last day, he asked her to go upstairs, since she was "very drunk", she said yes. He asked if they could have sex and she kept saying no, but she eventually said yes. She said she cried all day the next day and the guy didn't give her any attention at all the next day.

Apparently I know of the guy which makes this last instance VERY painful for me. My friend from high school is his fraternity brother and he knows all about it.

Later, I had sex with this girl (my now girlfriend) when we were drunk and now regret losing my virginity.

I was having trouble with the whole thing and got drunk and kissed another girl apparently which I don't remember. I told her as soon as I found out and now we're both in pain.

We've given up alcohol and sex since the incident and are trying to reunite our lives with Christ, but the pain is still there.

Do we continue to try and build our relationship or is her past and my recent mistake too much to get past?
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  #2  
Unread 21st September 2010, 08:25 PM
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Ugh. Apologize and move on. Everyone makes mistakes.
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  #3  
Unread 21st September 2010, 08:27 PM
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I don't know what the results are going to be or what it's going to look like, but I would say give rebuilding the relationship a shot. You do care for her, right? You could either be just another guy who screwed and ditched her, or you could be something more than that. As for whether it's too much to get past, only you two can make the call on that.
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  #4  
Unread 21st September 2010, 10:00 PM
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ah the scares of sin.

Galatians 6:7 Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap.
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  #5  
Unread 22nd September 2010, 02:50 AM
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Originally Posted by Vico View Post
ah the scares of sin.

Galatians 6:7 Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap.
not very positive outlook...

how about “Repent therefore and be converted, that your sins may be blotted out, so that times of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord.” (Acts 3:19)
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  #6  
Unread 22nd September 2010, 03:44 AM
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Originally Posted by yourstrulyjulie View Post
not very positive outlook...

how about “Repent therefore and be converted, that your sins may be blotted out, so that times of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord.” (Acts 3:19)
Helpful verse.
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  #7  
Unread 22nd September 2010, 09:33 AM
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I don't see how your mistake in haveing sex should mean the end of your relationship.

It should mean that you should repent, lay down some stronger boundries and work a lot harder on this then you both have been. But it shouldn't mean you should break up.

Also I want to point out that it was also a sin to get drunk and it likely caused the other sin. Do yourself a favor, and limit how much you drink. There is nothing wrong with enjoying a small amount of alcohol. But drunkeness is unacceptable and will cause you more problems in the future if you keep it up. So stop the drunkeness.

I've never been drunk. . . This is because whenever I do drink I only have one drink and thats it.

I am concerned about her habit of cheating on people in relationships. She may have some extensive problems that she needs to confront.

I don't buy the "once a cheater always a cheater" line that so many people put out there. Nor do I think that she is beyond changing her ways. But when a sin becomes a habit it is more likely to happen again. (And some sins do become habits) And by all evidence cheating for her is a habit.
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  #8  
Unread 22nd September 2010, 11:12 AM
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Originally Posted by Luther073082 View Post
I don't see how your mistake in haveing sex should mean the end of your relationship.

It should mean that you should repent, lay down some stronger boundries and work a lot harder on this then you both have been. But it shouldn't mean you should break up.

Also I want to point out that it was also a sin to get drunk and it likely caused the other sin. Do yourself a favor, and limit how much you drink. There is nothing wrong with enjoying a small amount of alcohol. But drunkeness is unacceptable and will cause you more problems in the future if you keep it up. So stop the drunkeness.

I've never been drunk. . . This is because whenever I do drink I only have one drink and thats it.

I am concerned about her habit of cheating on people in relationships. She may have some extensive problems that she needs to confront.

I don't buy the "once a cheater always a cheater" line that so many people put out there. Nor do I think that she is beyond changing her ways. But when a sin becomes a habit it is more likely to happen again. (And some sins do become habits) And by all evidence cheating for her is a habit.
She doesn't cheat, she's always been the one cheated on.

And we agreed to never drink to get drunk and stop after our limit.

It's just painful and she's a wonderful person and I love her, it's just hard to get passed that one guy taking advantage of her.
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  #9  
Unread 22nd September 2010, 09:03 PM
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Originally Posted by topgunbar0 View Post
She doesn't cheat, she's always been the one cheated on.

And we agreed to never drink to get drunk and stop after our limit.

It's just painful and she's a wonderful person and I love her, it's just hard to get passed that one guy taking advantage of her.
How old are you?
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  #10  
Unread 23rd September 2010, 01:15 PM
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Doesn't sound like alcohol or sex is the problem to me. Plenty of people conduct themselves with self-respect and dignity while engaging in both moderately and safely. The problem in your case is a lack of self-respect and dignity.

By all means, refrain from these things if you're having problems with them. But know that its only a temporary solution if you don't correct the underlying problem in the first place. It will continue to creep up into your lives and more mistakes will be made.
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