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Courting Couples A forum for dating, courting & engaged couples.

View Poll Results: As the question states...
Less than one year 10 20.41%
Between a year and two years 15 30.61%
Between two and three years 17 34.69%
Between three and five years 4 8.16%
Five or more years 3 6.12%
Voters: 49. You may not vote on this poll

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  #1  
Unread 25th July 2010, 02:05 PM
More Ruth & a mp; amp; amp; amp; amp; amp; amp; amp; gt; Less Jezebel

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How long to wait before marriage?

I have a dear friend who dated a woman for around 10 years before they married. The week after the wedding, he decided he really was not supposed to be with this woman and within the first month, they divorced. Though he was not (and still, is not, sadly) a Christian, he felt a great deal of sadness over wasting so much time on her.

My old youth pastor and his wife also dated for 10 years before they married. Now they have four children and are spiritual mother and father to many more.

My parents dated for three years before they got married, and have been separated for over 10 years now. My ex's parents dated for three years and have been married and together for over 30 years now and are spiritual mothers and fathers to many more and lead the married couples at their church.

My boyfriend and I were driving in the car yesterday and he said, "Sooo... When do you want to get married?"

"Well... You doing anything tomorrow?"

I was joking (sort of), but we have discussed it for a while and have come to certain conclusions that we pray God will refine for us. We've set a goal for Christmas - that way, we can spend some time with the in-laws as pre-in-laws before tying the knot, save up a bit more money, and if we have continued to grow closer to Christ, then we will go ahead with it. Looking at early next spring, though there are no dates set as of yet.

But I want to hear from you all -- How long are you planning on waiting before marriage? How long did you wait? Is there such a thing as waiting too long?

Have you discussed a time line with your boyfriend or girlfriend?
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  #2  
Unread 25th July 2010, 02:22 PM
mina's Avatar
Brown Eyed girl

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I don't think there is a set time for any couple. It's all relative to the couple; what's too long or too short a time frame for one couple might be just right for another couple. I don't think there is a set in stone time frame that will ensure the success of a marriage for everyone; i've heard of success stories and horror stories from couples that both spent a long time dating before marriage and a short time. For myself, the time length isn't important - what is important to me is if we are sure about each other and are both in agreement (and are committed) that we want marriage to one another. I don't think I could be with anyone that was wishy washy about marriage and didn't know what they wanted; especially if we had been together long term. And I think it's pretty disgusting to marry someone and THEN decide you aren't supposed to be with them.
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  #3  
Unread 25th July 2010, 02:58 PM
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I'll be honest. I knew the very moment that I met my husband that we were going to be married. It wasn't lights flashing or bells ringing; it just seemed obvious, like "the sky is blue, the grass is green, we will be married." He knew, too: he proposed three weeks after we met. However, I said no. I told him that I was only 17 and that I was not going to make any earth-shattering, life-altering decisions until after I turned 18 (yeah, I was a pompous kid). I told him that if (yeah, right) we were still seeing each other after I turned 18, he could ask again. 8 days after my 18th birthday he proposed again, and I accepted; however, we did wait to get married for about 3 years. End result: this fall we are celebrating our 25th anniversary.

As the previous poster noted, there is no hard and fast rule. So much depends on the maturity, dependability and stability of the people involved. They have to realize that marriage is a covenant before God, and that it does mean forever (regardless of what the World says). It means giving of self and loving the other person above all else (except God). It does not mean good sex. It does not mean warm fuzzies. It does not mean an eternal date. It means seeing each other at their worst as well as their best. It means living with a person with no want or need of changing them, taking them as they are. It means doing some things together, but doing some things apart. It means choosing to love someone, even when you don't really like them at times. I know there are times my WH doesn't exactly like me, and vice versa...but we DO love each other.
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  #4  
Unread 25th July 2010, 04:23 PM
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The age of the Earth is 4.54 ± 0.07 billion years

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I answered according to what I did (1 year) and I think that most people should get it figured out in at most 2. "Most" and "should" being good words to wiggle around in. I also think people usually shouldn't be dating if they're not at the point where they could be married within a couple years. Not to discount others' experiences where they took longer and it was a-okay or to say they ought to have done something different.
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The age of the Earth is 4.54 ± 0.07 billion years. The best measurement of the age of the universe is 13.798±0.037 billion years.
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  #5  
Unread 25th July 2010, 07:55 PM
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Miserere mei, Domine

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If I had my way, it'd be about 1-2 years. Unfortunately, while my boyfriend and I know with certainty that we want to marry, it simply is not possible for at least another 3 years, likely 5. But 1-2 years would be ideal.
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  #6  
Unread 26th July 2010, 08:29 AM
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I'm getting married just shy of a year and a half of dating Dan. He proposed on our one year anniversary and we planned the wedding for almost 6 months later. Now that it's getting close we wish we would have done it sooner.

As for how long someone should date, I think it's different for everyone. I really do think that you should know within a year of dating someone whether or not you want to marry them. Age is a big factor, I don't think a high schooler who has dated someone for a year should get married.
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  #7  
Unread 26th July 2010, 09:44 AM
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My parents where together for 3 days before they got engaged and married after about 3 months together. They are still together and I belive they have been married for about 29 years now.

My in-laws where together for a fairly short time themselves and where married after less then a year and they have been married now for over 30 years. (My wife would probably know the exact number better then me)

My wife and I where engaged after having been together for 8 months when we got engaged and a total of 1 year, 9 months when we got married.

I think its different for each couple. Unless you are young (Under 23) I don't recommend waiting for much longer then 3 years to get engaged. (Unless education or finances are really in the way)

Mostly I recommend that there is something about this person that stands out to you as a person that you want to spend the rest of your life with. And that continues to stand out to you over time.

And though its not a popular thing to say among Christians who encourage people to marry young, I would recommend not getting married before 22. Besides the fact that the immaturity that often comes with being that young causes a lot of divorces, there is also the fact that you have to learn how to be an adult and learning to be an adult while also learning to be married is a lot to take on and in general a bad idea.

You are going to make mistakes at both, you don't need to be making those mistakes at the same time.
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"Many Christians suppose that it makes no difference which church group a Christian joins, and they act accordingly. When they come to a place where any kind of Protestant church is found, they join it as members. There are people who were successively Reformed, Baptists, Methodists, Presbyterians, Congregationalists, depending upon the place where they lived. And we should not be surprised when this happens among the sects, for they are not certain about their distinctive doctrines, because they are not grounded in God's Word." - Franz Pieper

Last edited by Luther073082; 14th June 2011 at 08:20 AM.
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  #8  
Unread 29th July 2010, 03:24 PM
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My fiance and I just recently got engaged. We have been together for 2 years and 4 months. When we get married, we will have been together 2 years and almost 8 months.

I think it is different for everyone. A lot of christians don't wait longer than 3-6 months, however I would caution against that as the first 6 months-year is known as the honeymoon stage and it's best to wait until after that to really see how you work with someone and get to know them really well.
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He has sent me to bind up the broken-hearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion--to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. Isaiah 61:1-3
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  #9  
Unread 31st July 2010, 06:22 AM
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Interesting...
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  #10  
Unread 31st July 2010, 10:29 AM
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I got married after four years of dating, and I STRONGLY recommend that if you're not ready to marry within two years of dating, don't date!
Our situation was pretty unique, God kept us through four years but for temptation sake, don't date four years. Start saving for a wedding NOW, and don't let finances or education dictate when you get married unless circumstances are IMPOSSIBLE!
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