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  #1  
Unread 24th May 2010, 05:55 PM
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sex

First off this thread isn't meant to start an argument. I realize this is going to be a very touchy subject, but if you're uncomfortable and/or irritated about the context of this thread, please ignore it.

Let me give clarification about the context of this thread. There are some who discuss in regards to single Christians their sexual purity and waiting on God to resist succumbing to sexual temptation. This IS NOT WHAT THIS THREAD IS ABOUT.

I was watching a television sermon yesterday night for a few minutes and it was about challenging married Christians to have sex for a full consecutive week. It basically told of how sex is at the center of a marriage and what happens inside the bedroom affects the welfare of the marriage and vise versa.

However this is in regards to single Christians and sex; the preceding paragraph was just background info as to HOW I started thinking about it/what brought it up.

The view on sex in Christianity is exclusively for married couples and in most churches a single Christians's sexual needs aren't even looked at. Sex before marriage in Christianity is basically taboo and to do so is considered fornication. The church offers college groups or singles groups to help singles meet other singles (most of the time also so Christian singles can have fellowship with other Christian singles too) but quite frankly this doesn't have anything to do with sex.

The bottom line is single Christians have sexual urges and sexual needs as well. Unfortunately the reality is that some Christians will simply not become married and remain single their entire lives and not by choice. Some Christians are destined to be married, others are destined to be single, that's just the reality of things.

If a Christian is single, they cannot partake of sex due to the fact that sex before marriage is forbidden according to the fundamental beliefs of Christianity and the principals setforth in the Bible regarding sex as well.


My question is, how will a single Christian's sexual needs be met? How is it fair that married Christians can have sex, but a single Christian has no choice but to forgo sex in order to avoid sinning. Some single Christians can take-it-or-leave it for sex, but for other single Christians they don't have this kind of self-control nor this kind of constitution in regards to sex.

The advice most married Christians will offer to a single Christian is to just wait on God for your soulmate and pray to him to resist sexual temptation. For a married Christian to offer this advice to a single Christian very likely has the ramifications of it being the equivalent of a slap-in-the face to the single Christian. The reason being is because a married Christian is offering this advice to a single Christian and the married Christian can have sex all they want and whenever they want but a single Christian cannot. Even if the married Christian has the best intent possible with offering this advice, this is still a possibility of that reaction occurring from the single Christian's perspective.

It is true that a Christian will be able to devote more time to God and their relationship with God will be deeper typically than a married Christian's. Yes they will have his love and him to lean on, however the fact still remains that their sexual needs are still not being met due to being single. Yes the most important relationship is with God if you're a Christian, however this isn't a replacement for sex. A single person (or any other Christian for that matter) cannot have sex with God; quite frankly to do so would be an abomination of a sin to God.
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  #2  
Unread 24th May 2010, 10:29 PM
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There are many times that I have wondered the same thing. Just because you are single and abstaining doesn't mean that your sexual desires just disappear. Some people seem to have this idea that we are to me more or less asexual until the time we get married and then like the snap of your fingers we discover we have sexual feelings. It just doesn't work that way. The one thing that at times does irritate me personally is that many people treat single people as if they don't exist or at the very least second class. There are more than plenty of people that will simply not view or respect a single person as a full fledged adult until they get married no matter how old that person might be.
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Unread 25th May 2010, 05:49 PM
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I am curious about the premise of the argument here. Why is it that you believe that some people are "just destined to be single"?
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Unread 25th May 2010, 06:35 PM
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If you want Biblical evidence of those who are destined to remained single because it's God's will for their life....

1 Corinthians 7:1

1Now for the matters you wrote about: It is good for a man not to marry.

and also....

1 Corinthians 7:8

8Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am.
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  #5  
Unread 25th May 2010, 06:43 PM
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Originally Posted by Musician4Jesus View Post
If you want Biblical evidence of those who are destined to remained single because it's God's will for their life....

1 Corinthians 7:1

1Now for the matters you wrote about: It is good for a man not to marry.

and also....

1 Corinthians 7:8

8Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am.
No, I want to know your reasoning as to why you believe that some people are so destined. I am sure that these verses are not that reason behind your belief, because the passage from which these are taken makes it clear that Paul is talking about voluntary celibacy.
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Unread 25th May 2010, 06:56 PM
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God has designed a system for sex in the context of marriage. It would be difficult to biblical prove otherwise. So what then is left to the unmarried? Paul speaks about unmarried people in 1 corintians 7 and he says in verse 8-9:
Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

then later in verse 27-28
Are you married? Do not seek a divorce. Are you unmarried? Do not look for a wife. But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this.

Jesus even addresses it when he speaks of divorce in Matthew 19:10-12
The disciples said to him, "If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry."
Jesus replied, "Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. For some are eunuchs because they were born that way; others were made that way by men; and others have renounced marriage because of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it."


So it is clear that not everyone is called to be married but it is also clear that if your sexual desires are too strong then you should seek a spouse. The problem is not everyone has this option. Some people are just unable to get married because of lack of opportunity.

So what about these people.... well biblically speaking there is no additional help for you except for asking God to help you out. There is no extra rule that says "you can have sex if you think there is no other option." If you do have sex it doesn't mean that God's grace doesn't cover you any more but it still is against the design of God so against God and is a sin.

My question is if you can have sex with someone then you probably are in a position where that relationship can lead into marriage so then it would be better for you to develop that relationship into a marriage rather into a sexual desire. If you are seeking a prostitute to have sex with then you are trying to answer one problem with a whole lot of other problems and it isn't going to be healthy for who you develop yourself (sexual, emotionally, spiritual, etc)
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Unread 25th May 2010, 07:25 PM
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I agree that it can be very difficult for single christians to deal with their sexual urges. We are human and have human desires just like anyone else but sometimes sexual urges and desires can be seen as something which is uncontrollable. I believe this is because these desires/urges are so strong, but just because they are strong does not mean we cannot control them, it just means that they cana be more difficult to control - equally this can also mean that once under control there is a greater satisfaction. Philippians 4:19 tells us - And my God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus. You have a need to remain celibate because you are not married and I believe that God will meet that need if you give it up to Him and when it is fully given to God I believe you will be very richly blessed by it. You speak only of single people but what about those who find themselves divorced? A single person has sexual urges but if they have never experienced a sexual relationship how do they know what it feels like to have those needs met. A divorced person (and let us not forget that everyone who is divorced is not in that position because of their own desire, some are forced into it by others) on the other hand knows what it is like to be in a sexual relationship and suddenly that is cut off for them. Likewise with someone who is widowed, they may have enjoyed a totally fulfilling sex life but suddenly lost it through the death of their partner. The lack of sex is not limited to those who have never married it can affect many others and in my opinion once a sexual relationship has been experiences it is far harder to learn to do without it than it is before experiencing a sexual relationship. It is difficult but it is not impossible and sometimes we simply have to accept that we cannot have everything, hard though that may be. Sorry if this sounds harsh and uncaring - it is not meant to be like that at all. I know this is a difficult place to be in but equally I know that God can and does help us through it.
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Unread 25th May 2010, 08:52 PM
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This isn't about controlling sexual urges and/or sexual purity; I stated this at the beginning of this thread. It's like Damian said, some single Christians just cannot catch a break romantically. Matters are complicated further that some Christians think that dating other Christians is somehow implying lack of trust in God in regards to this.

On top of this, some ppl just refuse to accept you for who you are; you're personality and/or idiosyncrasies end up offending ppl and/or come off as abrasive to them. Essentially being yourself isn't good enough.

There are ppl who have qualities that ppl desire in a romance-sense of humor, intelligence, passion, etc. Yet other Christians still just don't notice them or even acknowledge these single Christians romantically.

WHY do I believe this in regards to some people are destined to be single. Unfortunately this is the reality of things and the reality of the lives of some Christians; in my life included and I guarantee you in the lives of other single Christians who are in the same boat as I am. This in and of itself should explain itself quite clearly and speak volumes that some Christians are meant to be married and others aren't. Some Christians don't choose to be single or celibate by choice; they desire romance however as stated previously other Christians just don't pay attention to them and/or notice them romantically.

If a Christian is having sexual urges then I believe they have an idea of what it means to desire sex and want sex; if they didn't want sex they wouldn't have these urges in the first place.

Yes being single means you have a deeper relationship with God as compared to a married person however this doesn't just make your sexual desires go away due to the fact that you have a deeper relationship with God. Yes a relationship with God can be compared to that of a marriage/romance and often is. However a romantic relationship with a human being and a relationship with God are not the same thing. The hardest part about being single is that despite you have a relationship with God you can't hear his voice audibly (like when you have a conversation with another person) you can't see him, touch him, etc.

Married couples have this intimacy. Is it all the time or as often as they'd like? No; but they still have this companionship, something single Christians lack.
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Unread 25th May 2010, 09:21 PM
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Originally Posted by Musician4Jesus View Post

There are ppl who have qualities that ppl desire in a romance-sense of humor, intelligence, passion, etc. Yet other Christians still just don't notice them or even acknowledge these single Christians romantically.
If these Christians cannot find others who are attracted to them romantically or sexually, how are you proposing that they satisfy their sexual urges?
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Unread 25th May 2010, 09:38 PM
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Originally Posted by Musician4Jesus View Post
This isn't about controlling sexual urges and/or sexual purity; I stated this at the beginning of this thread. It's like Damian said, some single Christians just cannot catch a break romantically. Matters are complicated further that some Christians think that dating other Christians is somehow implying lack of trust in God in regards to this.

On top of this, some ppl just refuse to accept you for who you are; you're personality and/or idiosyncrasies end up offending ppl and/or come off as abrasive to them. Essentially being yourself isn't good enough.

There are ppl who have qualities that ppl desire in a romance-sense of humor, intelligence, passion, etc. Yet other Christians still just don't notice them or even acknowledge these single Christians romantically.

WHY do I believe this in regards to some people are destined to be single. Unfortunately this is the reality of things and the reality of the lives of some Christians; in my life included and I guarantee you in the lives of other single Christians who are in the same boat as I am. This in and of itself should explain itself quite clearly and speak volumes that some Christians are meant to be married and others aren't. Some Christians don't choose to be single or celibate by choice; they desire romance however as stated previously other Christians just don't pay attention to them and/or notice them romantically.

If a Christian is having sexual urges then I believe they have an idea of what it means to desire sex and want sex; if they didn't want sex they wouldn't have these urges in the first place.

Yes being single means you have a deeper relationship with God as compared to a married person however this doesn't just make your sexual desires go away due to the fact that you have a deeper relationship with God. Yes a relationship with God can be compared to that of a marriage/romance and often is. However a romantic relationship with a human being and a relationship with God are not the same thing. The hardest part about being single is that despite you have a relationship with God you can't hear his voice audibly (like when you have a conversation with another person) you can't see him, touch him, etc.

Married couples have this intimacy. Is it all the time or as often as they'd like? No; but they still have this companionship, something single Christians lack.
Whatever you do...don't masturbate or you'll go to hell and be tortured forever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I care,
CC
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