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  #1  
Old 18th May 2010, 08:40 PM
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Love how long you should u date someone before marriage

I been meaning to post this question up..but how long is it ok to date before getting married? alot of men out here waste women's time stringing them along for years because they " arent ready" I dont believe in waiting on the man but give consideration at the same time..how long should one date before marriage is brought up? I dont believe you should have to date someone for a long time in order to figure out if you want to marry them...other opportunities such as living together or spending vacations in their families homes also help give a clear perspective on living situations. I think 1-3 years is an appropriate time and cut it down as you get older and are wanting to have children especially if you are a woman...i otherwise leave ..t gets harder and is not as healthy to have kids start at 30 or later....for that one is for women....thoughts??
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  #2  
Old 18th May 2010, 09:31 PM
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It is appropriate to date as long as it takes to be sure. Marriage is a BIG deal, at least it is supposed to be. For either person in the relationship to want to take time and make sure it is right, is a sign they are taking the subject as seriously as it should be.

On the other hand:
In the words of the ancients, one should make his decisions within the space of seven breaths. Lord Takanobu said, "If discrimination is long, it will spoil. " Lord Naoshige said, "When matters are done leisurely, seven out of ten will turn out badly. A warrior is a person who does things quickly.''
When your mind is going hither and thither, discrimination will never be brought to a conclusion. With an intense, fresh and undelaying spirit, one will make his judgments within the space of seven breaths. It is a matter of being determined and having the spirit to break right through to the other side.
From the 1st Chapter.

It is almost without exception that one partner or the other will be "ready" before the other. It is the source of much angst, but no one has found a way to avoid it.
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Old 18th May 2010, 10:32 PM
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That depends on the individual and couple concerned. My wedding day was 11 months after our first meeting. I was a teenager. 20 years on it was still the right decision. We 'just knew'. I guess it could be argued that I am the exception to the expected rule. It's very individual.

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Old 19th May 2010, 02:14 AM
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You deserve someone wonderful, and kinder than a five-year-stringer.
I think 1-3 years is an appropriate time and cut it down as you get older
I agree with your formula. When people are older, they know what they don't want and have already sorted through a lot. Before 17, people talk about it more like a statement of intent, not a realistic living situation.... so if they'd been dating through high school, those years can be tacked on.

And as CB said, it is different for every couple.

The decision is a good test of how the two people will make future decisions together, though. Will one person consider them right, and stay stubborn until the other gives in. Will they both see that each others' opinions and experience need to be listened to and understood.

If a person says he's not ready, then they SURELY are not ready. Not just in fear or irresponsibility, but also in willingness to live out a lifetime commitment. It impacts a person's whole life. Their partner would suffer if the decision was not mutual.

We often think of the saying-yes as an affirmation of true love. Security of knowing this person will always stand by us. Closure. A choice to move forward together, with a more honest, practical way of spending time together. Sharing overlapped lives.

But for many people, this statement only lasts a few weeks, or years...making it just one more way of saying something to get what they want.

Imagine if someone said yes, but did not want kids... later found out the partner wanted ten. Kids change the relationshop and overpower much of the day-month-year-life. Terms of the partnership contract were not written out. The binding partnership decisions really needs to be mutual.

But yes, 1-3 years (plus engagement) is common and reasonable.
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  #5  
Old 19th May 2010, 02:19 AM
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If you are a good judge of character it should take around 5 minutes. If you are a poor judge of character you might want to take at least a year of courtship so your friends and family can tell you if he's a loser or not.
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Old 19th May 2010, 02:25 AM
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  #7  
Old 19th May 2010, 09:22 AM
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Originally Posted by heron View Post
If a person says he's not ready, then they SURELY are not ready. Not just in fear or irresponsibility, but also in willingness to live out a lifetime commitment. It impacts a person's whole life. Their partner would suffer if the decision was not mutual.
I agree 100%. In fact, too many people that think they are ready, actually aren't. People who have dated a relatively short time tend to idealize a person. Feelings of young love can cloud a person's judgment. For example, one of the biggest causes of failed marriages is the assumption that a boyfriend or girlfriend will change. When you're caught up in the early emotions, it's easy to look past a major incompatibility. But later on, it can cause major problems. Also, a person that is ready to jump in too quickly may consider marriage to be a try-out rather than a lifetime, good-times-and-bad commitment.
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Old 19th May 2010, 03:50 PM
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I guess to me though the longer you wait to get married ..dating someone for years at a time its very unlikely you will remain sexually pure
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Old 19th May 2010, 04:50 PM
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Originally Posted by Forealzchola View Post
I guess to me though the longer you wait to get married ..dating someone for years at a time its very unlikely you will remain sexually pure
That's part of the problem with our society today. For hundreds of years, couples got married young, but usually stayed together no matter how hard it got. In many cases, marriages were arranged, so finding Mr. or Miss Right was often impractical.

Today, marriage has become just a ceremony for many... The world's view is to live together for a few years and then get married. Iif it gets difficult after a few more years, divorce and try again.

The other side of the coin would be Christians who rush into marriage at a young age because they want to have sex. It can work out, but I can't tell you how many people I know of who ended up divorcing because they had no idea what they were getting into.

Marriage should be for a lifetime. It is a promise, a commitment, and a life-long challenge that both husband and wife should see through to the end. A spouse will not be perfect, and we can't change them into our romantic Hollywood ideal. Given that, it's best to really know a person. I dated someone for almost a year before meeting my now-wife. Let me toll you, the girl I knew for the first six months was only a part of who she was. A lot more was revealed as the months went on, and I'm very glad that I didn't try to marry her. I'd say that it would be very difficult to get a reasonably complete picture of someone in less than one year... especially at a younger age, as previous posters have said.
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Old 19th May 2010, 04:51 PM
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6 months to one year.
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