I waited 3 years for a proposal, the last of which was very painful. Like your boyfriend, my fiance just told me to trust him.
He was waiting until he was absolutely sure that he was ready to commit to me. When you get married, you're joined to the person in a holy covenant that, while it can be broken physically/legally, is never broken spiritually. He loved me enough to make sure he was ready for that, to be the best husband he could be.
The best advice I ever got was to talk to him about it, and get him to tell me exactly where he is and what he's thinking, and then to shut up about it, but have a deadline in my head. If he hadn't proposed by April of 2011, I would have left him. He knew that I wanted to get married, and I now knew that he wanted to as well, he just wasn't ready yet. I didn't need to mention it again. He did propose eventually, a few months after I stopped going on about it.
It's so hard. I feel your pain. I still find myself wondering what was so wrong with me that he wasn't jumping at the chance to marry me. But - especially if he's telling you to trust him - there's a huge possibility that he's taking marriage more seriously then just doing it because he wants you. It's probable that he's thinking about his ability to be a good husband to you and his willingness to give up his life for you.
So, my advice? Talk to him about it. Say "Hey, we've been together for a while. Are we heading towards marriage?" Ask if he has a time frame in mind, and what his plans for the future are. He may say that he doesn't want to marry you, in which case I'd seriously consider breaking up with him. But he'll probably say something like "I want to marry you, I'm just waiting for _______ to ask you," in which case you know, and you can decide whether you want to wait patiently, or whether you want to move on.
I know 3 years may seem like a lifetime (especially if you're saving yourself...I've only been dating my boyfriend for a little over 11 months and it's hard), and I also don't think it's fair that some people are telling you that you should know within 2 years. I mean, 2 years seems like a long time, but when you think of marriage as FOREVER, sometimes that just isn't a long enough time period to say "I've known this person for 2 years. I can honestly say that I want to spend the next 60+ years of my life with them."
I know some people know within weeks that they want to spend the rest of their life with the other person, and do, happily. And sometimes it can take a a bit more time (like maybe 5 years) but they do end up happily married for the rest of their life. I think it depends more on the person. Because of the way I was raised, I have a hard time trusting people and the thought of being forced to make a decision to get married after only 2 or 3 years of knowing someone is kind of scary. And even if my boyfriend and I do want to get married in a few more years, I'm not sure if we'll be financially ready to be, so that's a factor in it too (if you guys feel ready in the money sense).
I agree with everyone else, though, that you should just sit him down and have a serious conversation about it. If he has no desire to get married anytime soon, then I would think about leaving him. If he does want to get married soon and is just waiting for the right time to ask, then I wouldn't pressure him too much. And I mean this is the kindest way possible, but if you weren't ready to be married, would you want him to be pressuring you? It's kind of the same as a guy pressuring a girl to have sex with him before she's ready.
i am going to give my own advice from expereince. when i started dating my boyfriend, most of my friends were getting married, so from the second month, i started pressuring him for marriage. he didnt budge. i kept pressuring and pressuring and offering ultimatums, leaving and coming back, for two years. nothing happened. and i didnt meet anyone i liked better either.
So i decided to do it differently. i started praying, and fasting. Asking God, that if it was his will, he should minister marriage to the heart of my bf, if it wasnt, he should provide me someone else who was ready to get married, and make me accept the person when he comes.
i stopped all the pressure, kept mum, and started praying, broke all genereational curses (because men kept running away from me when it came to the point of marriage, and its a trend in my extended family), about the eighth day into my prayer, my bf who was absolutely saying he was confused about marrige, totally turned around and started talking about it.
It was totally Gods doing. so i urge you to pray. ask God to help you. its better when a man marries you because he is ready, not when you coerce him into it. i had dated my bf for 2 years seven months, and it was in the eighth month he decided he want to marry. so just pray, dont put timelines, just Pray. Prayer answereth all things. God wants you to be happy, if he wont propose God will provide another man for you.
My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 6 years. After about the 3rd year of dating I've been asked when we're getting married by my grandparents on both sides, aunts and uncles and other friends- even my mother's friends. Those questions just come with being in a long term relationship.
Ask yourself why you want to talk to him about marriage. Is it because other people are asking or is it because you want to marry your boyfriend now?
He may not be ready to discuss it. Perhaps the thought of it scares him...
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I have been going out with my boyfriend for three years and would love to get married.
I am regularly asked when we are going to get engaged by people at church and some people have voiced the view that if one person is not wanting to get married after 2 years, then they have had had enough time to make up their minds and are not marriage material. Although I know that not everyone always speaks wisely, it is hard not to take their words to heart.
I have tried to speak to my bfriend about wanting to get married but he states that I will have to trust him and refuses to discuss it any further.
Should I be patient or should alarm bells be ringing?
Dear Sarah, I am going through something somewhat similar as to what you are saying here. I will just let you know that you are not alone, and I will keep you in my prayers.