It's actually extremely smart, bethrothal, that is...
Saving emotional and physical attachments until marriage is your best bet. Seriously.
Undoubtedly. My biggest issue here is that some people are more or less having the shots called by others, however well-intentioned, with apparently little recourse, if KeepSearching's father is to be taken seriously. Moreover, the suggestion that the parents are in any position to know who it is that God wants the son or daughter in question to be married to is outright ludicrous under any legitimate christian theology. On top of that, this smacks of a sort of mindset that more or less treats women as property or as second class citizens, which, again, has no sound basis in theology.
Yeah, its a bit over the top. The woman is not property to be passed from father to husband anymore. She does not need a man to survive or take care of her. She needs to be just as involved in the process and her approval needs to be given for the young man as well. A well raised young lady with a level head is not going to be so blinded by immaturity or fantasy that she cannot logically tell whether somebody is a good match for her from an objective standpoint.
A big problem today isn't really that people can't pick compatible partners. The main reason for arranged marriages and betrothals back then was because a woman could not survive on her own. She was not allowed to work a good paying job that would enable her to take care of herself (that was the man's role, women were "too weak" to do what men did), and she would be susceptible to rape or abduction by men. Betrothal was the only way a father and mother could ensure that their daughter would be protected and taken care of. It wasn't about finding a young man who's personality was compatible with their daughters, or if they shared similar interests. Was this man making enough money, did he have a stable source of income, and does he have good character (will he not beat the woman). Those were the big things. Anything else, compatibility in personality, interests, those were unimportant and insignificant.
Todays issues are mostly immaturity, selfishness, and an lack of understanding of what love and commitment is. An arranged marriage doesn't solve that. If you find somebody you like and that likes you, if both are mature and realize that relationships aren't about self, but about the other, understand that love is self sacrificial, and decide that being together is what they both want, then there won't be a problem. I know it sounds too simple, but thats how it should be.
Young people these days don't understand what is necessary for a relationship to work before they get married, and thats why most marriages fail. I think at this point, yes, compatibility in personality and similar interests is necessary. Man and woman can both live independently and they know it. Its a good idea for a relationship to be based on friendship. I know some marriages where the woman has her own thing that she enjoys and the husband has his own things that he enjoys, and the only things they really do together is eat and sleep. That works fine for some people, but not for others.
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“True individualists are always at odds with the universe. Set adrift by their peculiar tastes and interests, they spend their lives searching for kindred spirits and a compatible mate. They are hopelessly out of step with the business world and its trivial urgencies. Their priorities are not the priorities of their neighbors. They are unique; therefore they are alone.” – Rick Bayan, Down With Nat
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Since when does God give the responsibility to other people to determine his will for them?
__________________ "Many Christians suppose that it makes no difference which church group a Christian joins, and they act accordingly. When they come to a place where any kind of Protestant church is found, they join it as members. There are people who were successively Reformed, Baptists, Methodists, Presbyterians, Congregationalists, depending upon the place where they lived. And we should not be surprised when this happens among the sects, for they are not certain about their distinctive doctrines, because they are not grounded in God's Word." - Franz Pieper
Well, it does have some benefits, but I don't think its anything that a mature individual can't learn or develop on his/her own....A part of love is choice. You have to choose to love the person, you have to choose to be committed to that person. When you are given a husband or wife that is somebody you don't know and you commit yourself to each other in marriage, you learn to choose to love.
But again, as I said, I don't believe the issue is choosing an incompatible partner. I think the issue is immaturity and naivety. If somebody is immature and does not understand what love is or involves, it doesn't matter whether the parents choose the partner, or the individual does. Either way, it will result in an unhappy marriage.
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“True individualists are always at odds with the universe. Set adrift by their peculiar tastes and interests, they spend their lives searching for kindred spirits and a compatible mate. They are hopelessly out of step with the business world and its trivial urgencies. Their priorities are not the priorities of their neighbors. They are unique; therefore they are alone.” – Rick Bayan, Down With Nat
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Well, it does have some benefits, but I don't think its anything that a mature individual can't learn or develop on his/her own....A part of love is choice. You have to choose to love the person, you have to choose to be committed to that person. When you are given a husband or wife that is somebody you don't know and you commit yourself to each other in marriage, you learn to choose to love.
But again, as I said, I don't believe the issue is choosing an incompatible partner. I think the issue is immaturity and naivety. If somebody is immature and does not understand what love is or involves, it doesn't matter whether the parents choose the partner, or the individual does. Either way, it will result in an unhappy marriage.
I find the problem to be more of parents choosing a partner that is good for them and not good for the person being married.
I was talking about this with my wife and I had said that I wouldn't want my mother choosing a mate for me because she would choose someone that is good for her. (Basically someone who agrees with her on nearly everything and will do whatever she asks.) That of course wouldn't work at all considering my mom is not a Christian, and would not select a Christian.
__________________ "Many Christians suppose that it makes no difference which church group a Christian joins, and they act accordingly. When they come to a place where any kind of Protestant church is found, they join it as members. There are people who were successively Reformed, Baptists, Methodists, Presbyterians, Congregationalists, depending upon the place where they lived. And we should not be surprised when this happens among the sects, for they are not certain about their distinctive doctrines, because they are not grounded in God's Word." - Franz Pieper
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