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  #1  
Old 25th March 2010, 12:10 AM
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Consequences for teen looking at porn

Just caught my 14 yo son looking at porn videos online. We have taken away his computer priviledges as well as a good, long grounding. He is supposed to leave day after tomorrow for a spring break trip with a friend and his dad. Should I cancel his trip? Wouldn't that punish the friend, who had nothing to do with this? Can he go on the trip and resume his punishment when he returns?
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  #2  
Old 25th March 2010, 08:37 AM
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Does he feel bad about looking at porn? Have you talked to him about why it's bad to look at porn and has he understood? Do you think this has been happening for a while or was this a one-time, he was just curious kind of thing? Is he well-behaved in general or is he getting into trouble in other ways too? Do you think his friend and his friend's dad (or maybe the trip is with his own dad - I'm not clear about that) are good role models for him? The answers to these questions are factors that I would consider if it were my son. And I wouldn't worry about your son's friend feeling punished if you tell your son he can't go on the trip - that would be your son's fault, not yours. I hope that helps.
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Old 25th March 2010, 08:43 AM
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We talked a lot last night about treating women as objects for pleasure and the fact that the women in those videos aren't what real women are like and that many of them are being beaten and forced in the sex slave trade. He does seem to feel bad for his actions. It has been going on for about 2 weeks as far as I can tell. Also, he is normally a very good kid, avid reader, not too social, only a couple of friends (who also seem to be good kids.) The friend and the friend's dad are also believers, and I believe will be a good influence on him, but I have not known them very long.
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Old 25th March 2010, 08:38 PM
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I think that losing the computer is good. Try not to humiliate him in the whole thing. Young boys are very fragile in that area and it's important not to shame him. He was probably very curious and this is a great opportunity to talk to him about about the good vs. the bad (like you said about it not being realistic).

Like you said, he's a good boy. The temptation of porn on the computer for a teenage boy is like putting a hungry kid in front of a box of candy and walking away. Of course they're going to go for it. So, it's probably best that you make sure the computer is in a high-traffic area (living room) and that there are filters up.

Set him up to succeed and resist the temptation instead of allowing him to try and fail on his own (he'll have plenty of time for that in the future) and then be ashamed.
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Old 26th March 2010, 08:31 AM
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What tiredwalker says makes sense to me. Talking to him, restricting computer privileges and preventing future temptation the best you can are all good strategies. I would add that it sounds like it would also be a good time to talk about what healthy dating relationships look like (even if it's too early for him to date). Instead of just focusing on "porn is bad", talk about what makes a good, loving relationship and what he should be looking for in his own future. Even if he avoids porn, the idea of relationship=sex is so common in pop culture that this could be a good opportunity to teach (or teach again) that that isn't what God wants for us.
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  #6  
Old 26th March 2010, 09:11 AM
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Freaky little teenagers and their transition to adulthood, our love for them should not diminish during this time, they are still children and need lots of guidance (even though they already know everything).

Explain how males are very visual, and that by looking at porn, these 'unholy' images can get stuck in your head. We were not designed to watch others have sex, it is unnatural at the very least, and clearly unholy.

The real question is did you simply take away the computer and say "bad boy, no spanking...", or did you take it further and have a real sex talk. You don't have to get into particulars, just explain the proper context of sex, and sex drives, and the transition to adulthood. A young man is going to be obsessed with girls at some point, the more they know about sex and its consequences the better. I think kids slip into sex without ever having heard an adult's view on it, they get all there information from their friends - and you can just imagine the teen world view on sex these days.

Concerning masturbation, its a dirty little thing that teen boys are likely to do - I think instead of focusing on the topic of masturbation so pointedly, perhaps the global discussion of sex, porn, and parenthood in the Christian life will be sufficient. And, don't forget to include an explanation of the latest craze: teen girls who target young boys for sex and to become the daddy of their children. There are young girls targeting your sons for just such an agenda; they decide before hand to jump your son, perhaps even with the intent of becoming pregnant, they will lie about taking the pill, so that your son will not use a condom, and then the girl keeps the kid, doesn't marry your son, lives at home with her parents, who do most of the child rearing, so that the young girl can go out and party with her friends - oh, and don't forget that your son will now have his paycheck garnished for the next 20yrs for child support. Obviously they shouldn't be having sex until marriage, but they should at least know the possible consequences.
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Old 6th May 2010, 10:13 PM
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Originally Posted by adkmommy View Post
We talked a lot last night about treating women as objects for pleasure and the fact that the women in those videos aren't what real women are like and that many of them are being beaten and forced in the sex slave trade.
I realize that porn is a bad thing, but where did you get that idea? This is America, there is a whole porn industry. There's no sex slave trade in the U.S.
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Old 7th May 2010, 05:35 AM
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Originally Posted by ThankDaKing View Post
I realize that porn is a bad thing, but where did you get that idea? This is America, there is a whole porn industry. There's no sex slave trade in the U.S.
Wow! That is Naive! Of course there is an illeagal sex slave trade! Just because Porn is largely accepted in our society (which by the way i think is a disgrace!) doesnt mean that a whole lot of people volunteer to be publicly degraded in this way! Yeah, some do, but they tend to be vulnerable teens with low self esteem who are at first pressured into doing things which they are at uncomfortable with with on the promise that they will get their 'break' into modeling or acting. They then either get used to it and cant live without the money, or feel trapped and too afraid to leave. But that is the least scary way of 'casting' your porn stars! I can assure you that wherever you live in the west, where there are illeagal immigrants, there are people who have been press ganged into the sex trade/porn industry. Vulnerable people who again, have been promised a job and a better life are forced into taking part under the belife that they 'owe' somebody something, and yes, these press gangers use threats and they use violence!

So sorry to shatter your idea that in such a great and upstanding nation as America, such unpleasantries couldn't and would'nt go on, but they CAN and they DO!

THAT Is why pornography is so bad!
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  #9  
Old 28th May 2010, 10:30 PM
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i wouldn't be to hard on him..apart from pulling his eyes out of his head, teen guys are going to do what teen guys do.. i'm sure each one of us sins against our heavenly father several times a day, and i'm thankful that every time we sin against GOD he does not snatch us up and punish us..i would talk with him about what he is doing, but in these types of situations i try to ask myself.."what would Jesus do" just guessing probably talk with the teen about keeping his self pure and then Jesus would display that with his actions..remember, i know that i'm not perfect..so can we really expect our kids to be..??
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  #10  
Old 6th June 2010, 03:43 PM
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He is maturing sexually. Of course he is interested in what female bodies look like. Punishment just surrounds sex with guilt and can make him less open to talking about any issues he has with his sexuality. Only sound values based on good reasons which he accepts will make any long term difference. If he really wants to he will access such material away from your surveillance.

What he does need is some healthy discussion and material on sexual issues as a basis for his own values. Porn is so easily accessed these days. It's inner values that will keep him from it. These should be your priority.

John
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