my husband looked at pornography.

VertigoAge,
You are speaking of a single incident. I don't think that many people would get worked up over one thing like that, and most of us would certainly want to give our husband's the benefit of the doubt. However, from what the OP has stated, he knows that he has been doing this thing, so she shouldn't trust him fully in this area. Now, how she handles things when they come up is important because flying off the handle whenever she suspects something isn't helpful, and will eat away at her, but so will stuffing all of her feelings.

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A significant discovery was made in relation to marital satisfaction and role relationships. It discovered that (81%) of equalitarian (egalitarian) couples were happily married, while (82%) of couples where both spouses perceived their relationship as traditional (hierarchical) were mainly unhappy.[17]

Agree... stuffing feelings is very bad. It ruined my parents' marriage. Trust is very complicated. I'll admit that I struggle with jealousy myself, so I know what it can do to a person when it builds up.

__________________
"A positive religious faith does not offer an illusion that we shall be exempt from pain and suffering... Rather it instills us with the inner equilibrium needed to face strains, burdens, and fears that inevitably come." -Martin Luther King, Jr.

"Almost every heresy that has afflicted the church through the years has arisen from believing about God things that are not true, or from overemphasizing certain true things so as to obscure other things equally true." -A.W. Tozer

Just wanted to thank you all for your feedback. it has made me think alot more. I guess the bottom line is that i know his heart, and i have faith that he can give this up. He has repented, and cried and just made it clear how sorry he is. He is practicing just saying no and looking away. I am still really hurt, but its done. I have always struggled with being a very defensive and bitter person, and that attitude will not help him or the situation. Like said by many above, i just need to cast this onto my God.

Praying for you!

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A significant discovery was made in relation to marital satisfaction and role relationships. It discovered that (81%) of equalitarian (egalitarian) couples were happily married, while (82%) of couples where both spouses perceived their relationship as traditional (hierarchical) were mainly unhappy.[17]

Yes he absolutely can give this up. But I'd be very hesitant to say that he can, or will with only you (and God) helping him. I strongly urge you to ask him to get with someone he can be accountable to on at least a weekly basis. Obviously he's accountable to you, but there's always going to be a feeling of "I can't share that with her because she might get mad". Also wives being the primary accountability partner is bad because she really doesn't need to hear about every little struggle he's had. It's a constant reminder of the hurt.

But I say to get accountability because I know that it's a long term thing to leave porn behind. And I know that even though I've been "clean" for a long time, when circumstances prevent me from meeting with my accountability group for a couple of weeks, I can start to feel things "pulling" on me a little more.

You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. John 15:3

Do you believe it???

We don't try to get clean...
We don't try to change us...
We don't try a little harder...
We don't try to 'be better'...

These are NOT new testament (new covenant) words.
Its a trap of what the bible calls 'following the law'.

Paul warns us in Galatians that 'you cut yourself off from GRACE' like that.

For if you are trying to make yourselves right with God by keeping the law, you have been cut off from Christ! You have fallen away from God's grace. Galatians 5:4

Are we being foolish too, trying to make someone do right by following rules/laws?

Meaning in our own effort - we can be clean, we can change.
That is not how you came to be 'Saved' in the first place (I am
assuming you are all my brothers and sisters here).

You got 'Saved' by believing what JESUS said and has done (on
the cross - wonderful and amazing GRACE).

Somehow, in a moment yet over time, you found yourself 'Saved' you
knew you were a child of GOD!

That is exactly how you get victory over everything!

You are accountable to JESUS and HE is accountable to you!
WHAT???? (you might say).

YES! Its a partnership together, a covenant, you are bound together,
HE really is inside you.

Jesus answered him, "If anyone loves me, he will keep my word. Then my Father will love him, and we will go to him and make our home within him. John 14:23

Ok, practically it works like this:

Don't focus on sins - there are tons everywhere, but we look to JESUS and HIS unconditional love only.

Don't talk rules and laws = they increase sin, (romans 5:20) talk and believe that you have been made righteous and are clean because of faith in what JESUS has done. (if you want further discussion or scriptures for all these pm me, there is way more to say here for that).

We are not being gentle on sins - we hate them! Because it destroys. But our real
enemy is SIN - the sin nature, that opposes GOD, and lusts and almost destroyed
this marriage -it wants to kill you if it could, because it hates you and your GOD!

That sin nature is satan himself. Its called 'sin' and is personified all over scripture!

This is JESUS'S problem (not yours only)
HE will deliver, by knowing HE loves you; bitterness, lust, anger, fear, rage and all!

You are wonderfully precious and deeply loved by the FATHER who IS LOVE!
Know your enemy and believe the GOOD NEWS!

-eric

Does God supply you with the Spirit and work miracles among you through your own efforts or through believing what you heard? Galatians 3:5

That's a good start and all, but in the long term it's useless if you don't cut off his source of pornography.

__________________
Every word of God is flawless; He is a shield to those who take refuge in Him.
Do not add to His words, or He will rebuke you and prove you a liar.
- Proverbs 30:5-6

Dear twistedsketch

you said "That's a good start and all, but in the long term it's useless if you don't cut off his source of pornography. "

Sorry can't agree.

Because if thats the case, all we have to do is take away
the drug addicts drugs,
the alcoholic's booze,
the gamblers cash!

We don't need JESUS then, cause all we have to do is take away
whatever they are addicted to!

The bible states it clear that it is an issue of the heart.
Only JESUS can fix that. I can't save myself, let alone anyone else!

When I was a child, my Dad was a drunk (most days).
btw : JESUS found my Dad, and they walk daily together these days! PTL!

We had a bar in our basement rec-room, and he had his
drinks all over the place from the fridge to the bar to cases
of beer in the garage.

Nothing - no how could stop him.

Well meaning people told my mother "why don't you tell him
to quit"!

Wow! I wish I would have thought of that - just tell the drunk
to stop it! That works! So Easy, boy are we slow, not to figure
it out.

That doesn't work, and of course I was a little guy and afraid
of my Dad (especially when drunk).

But knowing his booze controlled him, even at 7 years old, I would
sneak around the house and partially empty his liquor, pouring parts
of it down the toliet when he wasn't home or was passed out.

He never figured it out, but I found out real soon, that all he
did, is what all addicts do - they buy or get more.

Beg, borrow, steal - whatever it takes because that demon
is calling, its master over you, and you must obey! You thought
you control it - it controls you! The bible says 'dont let it reign
over you!'. Romans 6:12

First step - finding JESUS and knowing HE loves the drunks,
the porn and drug addict and that all is forgiven and HE says:
'Come home to me - rest in my love'

Then, believe what the Gospel says: You are forgiven,
GOD isn't counting mens sins against them, and HE has
qualified you to become HIS child. Making you righteous by
Faith in HIS GRACE.

Believe what you want, but that power is available
for all who start to believe they can rest in HIS LOVE.

HIS LOVE replaces your lusts. You don't do it - HE DOES
its a work of GRACE.

HE is not mad at you - HE has forgiven you and loves you
and wants to bless you - dirt and all.

Its called GRACE for a reason.

Do you believe it Saints?

-Eric

that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men's sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. 2 Corinthians 5:19

I do agree that taking the temptation away won't change the heart, however, out of obedience, we are to take the temptation away. Jesus said to amputate what causes you to sin. We are also told by Jesus to pray that we not be led into temptation. If our hearts are softened enough to walk in obedience to that degree, then the softening will continue because He is faithful and just to cleanse usfrom all unrighteousness. However, if our hearts are not softened enough to take the step of obedience that calls for amputation, then our hearts are still in a harder place and that lack of obedience is showing the fruit of the hardened heart. Does that make sense?

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A significant discovery was made in relation to marital satisfaction and role relationships. It discovered that (81%) of equalitarian (egalitarian) couples were happily married, while (82%) of couples where both spouses perceived their relationship as traditional (hierarchical) were mainly unhappy.[17]

I am praying and pressing.

I have much compassion for all involved. Like myself walked in both shoes: the addicted at a very early age and the one suffering by an spouse addictions also. It is really tough, there is guilty, desire to stop, pressures from all sides and insides to stop it...there are the many highs and short pleassures addictins deliver and there are the feelings of "need to get over and stop it" when the addictions is poisoning and you know you can die..still cannot stop...sure did stop for a while but than...back again.

I am an addicted who had quit my long term addiction in a cold turkey surprise manner(strenght was not mine or was planning it when woke up 12/31/09..but strongly embrace the flow and opportunity to stopit..day in and out until today..now. by the grace of God).

I did need an intervention I got it for sure.
Still I am pessimist with those hooked at early age as myself because I do know how it does feel like to want to beat it and just fail over and over again. Than I am an addicted compulsive personality who did quit because intervention and than I am walking in victory day in day out to this day because of that divine jump start. It was divine and was not expecting it, at all.

Intervention is needed. Lord we do need your help, we do need understanding and your wisdom and your strenght. Lord make a way where there is no way. Lord set us free to become free indeed as the word says..make it a reality.. in Jesus name I do pray.

Praying and praying and praying.

Much love and deep deep compassion to each one going throu it.