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  #1  
Old 29th January 2010, 11:58 PM
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Question To apologize, or not to apologize?

If I get in an arguement with someone I really care about, and we both end up saying things that really hurt each other, who should apologize first? The person who started the arguement? The person who said the worst things? I feel like the person who apologizes first is showing that they care more about the friendship, but what if I'm always the one who apologizes first, and my friend never apologizes until asked to? Does that mean my friend doesn't care about our friendship at all? If so, do I really want to continue to be friends with a person like that? If my friend isn't willing to ever put out any effort to maintain or repair the friendship, why should I always do all the work? Is it even worth it, if this pattern is going to continue? And if I do decide that it's worth it, and decide to be the bigger person and apologize first... What if my apology is rejected?
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  #2  
Old 30th January 2010, 05:44 AM
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As a Christian, if you recognise you said something which was wrong, you ought to apologize regardless of who started this verbal fight.

You need to recognise that many people (mostly unsaved people) will quickly go very cold and distant after a verbal fight. There is also the issue of pride as to why they will not apologize first. I would not automatically assume that this other person does not care about the relationship - it may be pride or something holding them back.

If you do the right thing by apologizing then the person may in turn apologize to you for starting the whole thing. It's a good testimony to be the one to make the first move.

Matthew 5:23-34
"Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.

Luke 6:27-28
“But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.

Luke 6:35-36
But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.

Keep in mind these scriptures for the future as we all have to try and get into verbal fights, it is easy to return a tooth for a tooth and an eye for an eye but Jesus calls us to keep the peace:

Romans 12:17
Never pay back evil for evil to anyone. Respect what is right in the sight of all men.If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men.

Luke 6:31
Do to others as you would have them do to you.

Proverbs 15:18
A hot-tempered man stirs up dissension, but a patient man calms a quarrel.

Ephesians 4:26
"In your anger do not sin": Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry,

And remember, if she does apologize, show mercy and forgive her.

Matthew 6:14
For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.

If your apology is not accepted then simply leave it there, you have done what was right before the Lord, if your friend is unforgiving then she is then 100% wrong, but never the less, keep your door opened, she may come round and seek your forgiveness then in turn you can show the mercy she never showed you.

Matthew 5:16
In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.
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  #3  
Old 30th January 2010, 07:05 AM
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Learning not to argue takes skill like Jesus who never argues. Finding the right words to say without hurting your friend's feelings can prevent an argument from becoming like a fire that can never be extingushed with a fire extinguisher. If a problem arises, think back in time what you and your friend could have done right to prevent the problem from ever happening. Saying words like: "You know what we could have done right..." would allow your friend to think carefully with a calm and relaxed feeling.

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  #4  
Old 30th January 2010, 10:06 AM
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Originally Posted by sundogkm View Post
If I get in an arguement with someone I really care about, and we both end up saying things that really hurt each other, who should apologize first? The person who started the arguement? The person who said the worst things? I feel like the person who apologizes first is showing that they care more about the friendship, but what if I'm always the one who apologizes first, and my friend never apologizes until asked to? Does that mean my friend doesn't care about our friendship at all? If so, do I really want to continue to be friends with a person like that? If my friend isn't willing to ever put out any effort to maintain or repair the friendship, why should I always do all the work? Is it even worth it, if this pattern is going to continue? And if I do decide that it's worth it, and decide to be the bigger person and apologize first... What if my apology is rejected?

Your really asking two very different questions. I would think you should apologize because it is the right thing to do rather than worrying about who apologizes first. If you are truly sorry and feel like you did wrong. If you notice this person is not putting any energy or thought into the relationship, then I would distance myself and not make any further effort until they show some signs of caring about the relationship. If they don't then you move on to another friendship. A one sided friendship isn't a very good relationship or very healthy.
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Old 30th January 2010, 01:11 PM
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I totally agree with Jsimms.So sure, if your mouth got out of control apologize. But a one-sided relationship is not healthy or holy, and it's not a relationship. God has better for you. Love the person and pray for them, of course, but you can do those from a distance. It's not healthy for either of you to pretend there is a fruitful relationship there if in reality there's not.
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  #6  
Old 30th January 2010, 01:33 PM
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Originally Posted by fm107 View Post
As a Christian, if you recognise you said something which was wrong, you ought to apologize regardless of who started this verbal fight.

You need to recognise that many people (mostly unsaved people) will quickly go very cold and distant after a verbal fight. There is also the issue of pride as to why they will not apologize first. I would not automatically assume that this other person does not care about the relationship - it may be pride or something holding them back.

If you do the right thing by apologizing then the person may in turn apologize to you for starting the whole thing. It's a good testimony to be the one to make the first move.

Matthew 5:23-34
"Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.

Luke 6:27-28
“But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.

Luke 6:35-36
But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.

Keep in mind these scriptures for the future as we all have to try and get into verbal fights, it is easy to return a tooth for a tooth and an eye for an eye but Jesus calls us to keep the peace:

Romans 12:17
Never pay back evil for evil to anyone. Respect what is right in the sight of all men.If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men.

Luke 6:31
Do to others as you would have them do to you.

Proverbs 15:18
A hot-tempered man stirs up dissension, but a patient man calms a quarrel.

Ephesians 4:26
"In your anger do not sin": Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry,

And remember, if she does apologize, show mercy and forgive her.

Matthew 6:14
For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.

If your apology is not accepted then simply leave it there, you have done what was right before the Lord, if your friend is unforgiving then she is then 100% wrong, but never the less, keep your door opened, she may come round and seek your forgiveness then in turn you can show the mercy she never showed you.

Matthew 5:16
In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.
I beleive brother fm 107 has ended this thread. Well said brother.

Your fruit are indeed most delectable. Delicious to the taste and delicious to the ears.

ALmighty be praised.
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and to Jesus Christ my KING,
and to His true mercy, at which I live,
one humble servant under God,
undeservable,
with faith, hope, and love for all!
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