unwanted emails-harassment?

I was in a roughly four month relationship with a guy I met at church. He broke up with me when he decided to see someone again. That was over a year ago I think. He never admittted the other girl had anything to do with the breakup and instead just told me I just wasnt good enough for him. We tried to talk some afterwards because we were around each other alot at church which was very very difficult, for me at least. Talking was kind of a mistake because instead of being decent and taking any responsibility he just accused me of basically being crazy and acted like our relationship was a mistake and never meant anything. This was very very hurtful to me. He now just ignores me, which is also maddening in its own way. I have sent him emails to ask about things every once in awhile, once a month, maybe once a week sometimes. Since we still have so many common ties I have now heard he was seriously angry about this because he doesnt want any contact from me. To him this is all settled and he owes me nothing, and its my fault if I cant just get over it. Anyway...am I guilty of harassment and if so is there anything I should do about it? Besides try to gain some self control and stop. I dont want to use a bad situation as an excuse to behave badly myself. I am also fearful based on his past contempt towards me he will use any unwanted emails as justification for the way he has and does treat me. Like he would claim he would be nice to me if I would just get over it basically.

Surely he can filter and/or block emails from you if he doesn't want to recieve them. Writting things to an ex can be good "therapy" for getting your feelings down and expressing them. I wrote probably thousands of letters to my unfaithful (now) ex-wife. I didn't send them with a few exceptions where I hit send when I meant to hit delete. It is a useful tool for dealing with feelings and preparing to move on. I'd keep writing, but get in the habit of deleting or saving them rather than sending. Maybe read them out loud to God during your prayer time a day or two after you write them. . . . that was always very helpful to me.

The relationship is obviously over as far as he is concerned. That's his choice. Probably the friendship, at least for some time, will end too. You need to accept your broken heart, that it has ended, stop trying to keep the relationship up and get on with your own life.

John
NZ

Just leave him alone. period.

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I soooooooo understand. And my heart hurts for you. I hope you will hear me and learn from my mistakes. If I didn't know better I'd think I'd been around this very same guy. It is very difficult when someone behaves as though you matter and then just tosses you aside. It is not Christ-like behavior on his part, as you know quite painfully. The temptation is great to try to salvage something here, and in weird ways he may even at times give you a shred of his attention, just enough to convince you maybe something is there. But sweet one, it is not. Think of it this way, his behavior does not emulate the love of God. As one who has been there, I agree with Johnnz. It was wrong of him to do things as he did. He should not have led you on. The Bible says "esteem others higher than yourself," and he has sorely failed in that regard. But non of that gives you reason to stay intouch with him. He sounds like the sort who would use it against you, if you continue. It's unfair, I know. I've been there. It's frustrating that he won't admit his part in it and blames it on you. I know, been there. And it hurts, I know, and I am so sorry this happened to you. The best thing you can do foryou and him is delete all his emails and clean him out of your sent file as well. Toss his phone number and email in the trash and pray you'll forget it.

Say a final prayer for him, and then tell God you'd like to not conciously pray for him anymore because you are tempted to obsess and the praying could feed that. Ask God that your heart for him (as your brother in Christ and nothing else) would count as prayer, but that you would be free of obsessive inappropriate thoughts of him.

Dr. Caroline Leaf is a Christian doc who's studied the brain for nearly 3 decades. Her research has found that when people are attracted and getting to know each other that they are actually imprinting on another on their brains. That's why these things are so sticky. You know that saying, "don't let it rent space in your brain." Well, it's not that easy once someone has found a space there and then abruptly moved on. The important thing is not to feed it. The way to do that is to "take every thought captive to the mind of Christ." Each time you see him or think of him, start pouring your heart and thoughts out to Jesus. He will show you the truth and that truth will make you free. And part of that truth is that you do not need to be with a guy who treats you as this one has. Jesus will help you see this, heal your heart and prepare for a healthy relationhship.

Praying for you.
Blessings, A

Oh, and specifically about the emails, yes, they can be considered harassment. They must end.

I actually have someone who has been calling me at work, and I am currently taking steps to file a formal harassment order with the police. You don't want to find yourself on the other end of such a thing. Spare yourself that. Cut it off for your own well-being.

edited

The guy sounds like a nightmare. He will continue to demean you the more contact you have with him. That means every time you hear from him, you will hear a statement that will make you crumble and believe less in yourself. You need to be strengthened, not torn apart.

Even if you still think he is basically a nice guy, he has tried to be clear about his boundaries. His retaliation is probably more about trying to keep his relationships in order, than about you personally. He has decided what he wants, and will not budge.

Respect that, and respect yourself -- create more space between you.

what everyone else has said is good. you dont want to get yourself hurt or in trouble on the account of someone like this anyways, imo.

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I Love Lamp

Based on how he's chosen to treat you, it's clear that he's a jerk. Consider yourself fortunate to see this before you became more involved with him. Now, leave him alone and got on with your life.