[FONT='Verdana','sans-serif']Hello, I have been married for 35 years, most of the time its good, however, my husband has had several affairs over the years that i forgave him for and stayed with him, for our sake and the sake of our children. We were not saved then, and I dont believe that my husband really is now, God instantly delivered me in 1999 from an addiction when I cried out to him in despair, and I gave my life to him and it shall always belong to him, but I believe that my husband just goes to church to keep everything looking ok and so forth. I dont believe he has actually received the Lord at all. Anyway, over the last two years, I have been getting more and more suspicious that my husband is still cheating. I think he has had someone else for years, and he just sees her when he can get away. I feel very strongly that if my suspicions are true that I no longer am willing to live like this and I want out. My constant worry about what trick he is going to pull next and trying to stay a step ahead of him is exhausting and it keeps me from enjoying my life! Since I became suspicious and I began noticing I see through his tricks in trying to get away for awhile and it breaks my heart and it makes me angry that he is still betraying me and our kids and grandkids. And that everything that we have worked so hard for, (we have looked forward to his retiring and we have worked very hard together to build up a small business to help with income after his retirement), is going to be thrown away. I have depended on that for my financial future. I havent worked outside the home in years, have no health insurance without him, no retirement money saved, etc. So what should I do to protect myself financially before we enter into a divorce? I dont have solid proof yet, and do not want to approach him until I have the proof I need, because he is such a bully that if I dont have all of my proof ready, and all of my "ducks in a row" so to speak with my divorce preparation in place, he will take control of the entire situation and I will be left with nothing. I pray and tell God that I'm confused as what to do, I ask him to guide me, to give me wisdom and discernment and to intervene on my behave, but i am not hearing from him at all, i feel like i should begin to prepare for a divorce, yet i dont want to offend God by trying to solve my own problems without his help. But it is getting harder and harder to put up a front to my husband and pretend not to know what he is doing, and it hurts so much i cant stand it. I'm sure I will have more and more episodes of feeling my heart torn out by his sneaky tricks he pulls on me to get time for his phone calls and even worse his visits, so If i am supposed to divorce him i want to get on with it, just to hopefully at some point not be subjected to that repeated hurt and worry all the time. I say torn because I know I am supposed to cast all my cares on the Lord and let him fight my battles, but does that mean I should continue to live with a man that although he professes to love me betrays me for someone that must mean alot to him. Any help or advice would be appreciated, please pray for me.....Thanks, Lindsey[/font]
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