I'm going crazy from pain and fear and regret. My life is ruined and I don't know how to fix it. And if I did know what to do to fix my life, I probably wouldn't do it anyway. I'm afraid of living and afraid of dying. Antidepressants don't work on me, I've tried atleast ten different ones. I'm tired of having no life in this world, especially since my brother and sisters are rich and successful. I'm going to spend the rest of my life depending on their charity to keep me from being homeless. I can't carry the burden of my failed life, it's too heavy.
I spent the first 25 or 30 years of my life living in dread and terror of death. I was sure that I was going to hell when I die because I was raised in a performance based religious system. You had to earn your way into heaven by doing good and avoiding certain sins. I constantly failed to live up to that standard, so I lived in terror of going to hell someday. Within the last 5 years or so, I learned the truth of the Gospel and saw that this is not what God says to do to be saved. I trusted Jesus Christ to save me by the work that He did for me by dying for my sins on the cross. For the first time ever, I wasn't afraid to die anymore and I actually felt joy about it. I actually felt joy about my death because now I knew that Christ had saved me and I would go to heaven now instead of hell. But my joy comes and goes, and I feel afraid of dying again. The works based religion of my childhood is trying to come back and reassert itself. So now I alternate back and forth between joy and fear about death. This torture goes on all day, every day.
I wish God would have mercy on me and let me come home to be with Him right now. I can't endure the fear of life and fear of death anymore. Please God, please help me. I hurt so much, my emotions are so wrecked. I'm afraid of everything now, I'm afraid of my own shadow. My mind races and I have fantasies about ending up homeless or in jail. Please help me God, I'm being crushed here.
They really build me up in my spirit and soul and mind.
Zephaniah 3:17 The LORD thy God in the midst of thee is mighty; he will save, he will rejoice over thee with joy; he will rest in his love, he will joy over thee with singing
Psalm 17
1Hear the right, O LORD, attend unto my cry, give ear unto my prayer, that goeth not out of feigned lips.
2Let my sentence come forth from thy presence; let thine eyes behold the things that are equal.
3Thou hast proved mine heart; thou hast visited me in the night; thou hast tried me, and shalt find nothing; I am purposed that my mouth shall not transgress.
4Concerning the works of men, by the word of thy lips I have kept me from the paths of the destroyer.
5Hold up my goings in thy paths, that my footsteps slip not.
6I have called upon thee, for thou wilt hear me, O God: incline thine ear unto me, and hear my speech.
7Shew thy marvellous lovingkindness, O thou that savest by thy right hand them which put their trust in thee from those that rise up against them.
8Keep me as the apple of the eye, hide me under the shadow of thy wings, 9From the wicked that oppress me, from my deadly enemies, who compass me about.
10They are inclosed in their own fat: with their mouth they speak proudly.
11They have now compassed us in our steps: they have set their eyes bowing down to the earth;
12Like as a lion that is greedy of his prey, and as it were a young lion lurking in secret places.
13Arise, O LORD, disappoint him, cast him down: deliver my soul from the wicked, which is thy sword:
14From men which are thy hand, O LORD, from men of the world, which have their portion in this life, and whose belly thou fillest with thy hid treasure: they are full of children, and leave the rest of their substance to their babes. 15As for me, I will behold thy face in righteousness: I shall be satisfied, when I awake, with thy likeness.
Psalm 27
1The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the LORD is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?
2When the wicked, even mine enemies and my foes, came upon me to eat up my flesh, they stumbled and fell.
3Though an host should encamp against me, my heart shall not fear: though war should rise against me, in this will I be confident.
4One thing have I desired of the LORD, that will I seek after; that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the LORD, and to enquire in his temple.
5For in the time of trouble he shall hide me in his pavilion: in the secret of his tabernacle shall he hide me; he shall set me up upon a rock.
6And now shall mine head be lifted up above mine enemies round about me: therefore will I offer in his tabernacle sacrifices of joy; I will sing, yea, I will sing praises unto the LORD.
7Hear, O LORD, when I cry with my voice: have mercy also upon me, and answer me. 8When thou saidst, Seek ye my face; my heart said unto thee, Thy face, LORD, will I seek.
Jesus came to heal the broken hearted and to set at liberty those who are bruised.
He invites us to come to Him for rest.
Jesus gives us a hope and a future.
He is our Good Shepherd
and we can trust Him to heal and fix our life as we surrender and trust everything to Him.
Jesus is our Lord and Saviour and Master and He cares deeply for us.
He has a plan for our life
and we grow and mature as we abide in Him.
We can come boldly to His throne of grace and cast our cares on Him because He cares for us.
I hope you feel better soon, Jesus has a plan for all His children, to give them hope and a future.
blessings
annrobert
__________________
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The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the LORD is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid? Luke 18 1And he spake a parable unto them to this end, that men ought always to pray, and not to faint
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And be renewed in the spirit of your mind;
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Verily, verily, I say unto you, He that believeth on me hatheverlastinglife.
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As it is written, Behold, I lay in Sion a stumblingstone and rock of offence: and whosoever believethon him shall not beashamed. John 15 5I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing.
7If ye abide in me, and my words abide in you, ye shall ask what ye will, and it shall be done unto you.
(((((Tom)))))
Keep trying with the meds, there are a lot out there, and it does sound as though you are depressed.
You know, the bible doesn't say that Jesus saves people just so they can go to heaven, it says that he saves and gives fullness of life now, whilst you are on earth. I know how hard that is to get hold of when you are depressed.. but maybe rather than praying for death, you could pray for a greater understanding of what that means, and how you can start to live it.
Perhaps some voluntary work to help others would help you to gain a sense of worth and value in life.
Hang in there.
You are in my thoughts.
__________________
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His grace is sufficient...
RIP Dede.
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I too feel the same as you do at times. I have to remember that God is in control and He will sustain you each and every day. There are days where I want to give up, but I have to remember of those who love me and who I love. I had a brother who took his own life. It tore the family apart. There are days where I blame myself because I could not help him. Life is too precious. My life verse is Jer. 29:11- God has a plan and a purpose for you, to help, not to harm. Please look up this verse. It has gotten me through many tough moments. I will be praying for you.
I am praying for you Tom ... hang in there and trust in the Lord.
__________________ "Let nothing disturb thee; Let nothing dismay thee; All thing pass;
God never changes. Patience attains All that it strives for.
He who has God finds he lacks nothing: God alone suffices."
- St. Teresa of Avila
St. Dymphna, our hero in depression and mental health, send us a prayer ...
I'm going crazy from pain and fear and regret. My life is ruined and I don't know how to fix it. And if I did know what to do to fix my life, I probably wouldn't do it anyway. I'm afraid of living and afraid of dying. Antidepressants don't work on me, I've tried atleast ten different ones. I'm tired of having no life in this world, especially since my brother and sisters are rich and successful. I'm going to spend the rest of my life depending on their charity to keep me from being homeless. I can't carry the burden of my failed life, it's too heavy.
I spent the first 25 or 30 years of my life living in dread and terror of death. I was sure that I was going to hell when I die because I was raised in a performance based religious system. You had to earn your way into heaven by doing good and avoiding certain sins. I constantly failed to live up to that standard, so I lived in terror of going to hell someday. Within the last 5 years or so, I learned the truth of the Gospel and saw that this is not what God says to do to be saved. I trusted Jesus Christ to save me by the work that He did for me by dying for my sins on the cross. For the first time ever, I wasn't afraid to die anymore and I actually felt joy about it. I actually felt joy about my death because now I knew that Christ had saved me and I would go to heaven now instead of hell. But my joy comes and goes, and I feel afraid of dying again. The works based religion of my childhood is trying to come back and reassert itself. So now I alternate back and forth between joy and fear about death. This torture goes on all day, every day.
I wish God would have mercy on me and let me come home to be with Him right now. I can't endure the fear of life and fear of death anymore. Please God, please help me. I hurt so much, my emotions are so wrecked. I'm afraid of everything now, I'm afraid of my own shadow. My mind races and I have fantasies about ending up homeless or in jail. Please help me God, I'm being crushed here.
Hi Tom, I'm sorry you are going through such a difficult time. God loves you and wants to help you, he is a loving God. I am praying for you. I really feel for you.
__________________
Psalm 46:1-3 “God is our refuge and strength,
a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear,
though the earth should change,
though the mountains shake in the heart
of the sea; though its waters roar and
foam, though the mountains tremble with
its tumult.”
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I am a CF Angel. Please contact me for prayer or questions or chat. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
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I have the same visions of winding up homeless. I have to just "let go and let God". God has looked after my body thus far, including when I almost died and almost died unsaved at that.
I have to deal with what is in front of me, although I have a hard time doing that, but for my sanity I have to start just taking each day at a time. I know God is merciful, especially to the suffering. Tom, you have to just trust God not to let you down. He is not like human beings are, His affection does not blow with the wind.
Peace bro.
__________________ "I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me."
- Matthew 25:40
Mr. Tom, I am still praying for you. Bless you brother. Don't give up. keep your eyes on Jesus. Focus on living. For God has you living for a purpose. Yes, death will come one day, and I promise you that if you trust in Jesus Christ as your Savior, you will have eternal life, joy, and peace. But right now, why would Christ put you here? He wants you to choose Him, to choose life, to praise Him, to help others.
God bless you brother.
Shara
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"I can do all things through Him who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13
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