My oldest daughter came to me last night and asked if my husband and I still said "I love you" before we hang up with each other, I kind of giggled and said no honey we haven't said I love in a couple of years.
She proceeded to tell me a couple of weeks ago, when her dad went into work late due to a football game (he works 3rd shift, I was in bed) he received a phone call and before hanging up she heard him say "I love you". She said I knew it was too late for Grandma and Grandpa to be calling. She asked him who he was talking too and he said someone from work having problems with one of the machines.
I told her maybe you just misunderstood him and she said "No mom, I heard him say I love you". She said she was going to look on his phone to see who it was but he left before she could.
The expression on her face when she was telling me this was heartbreaking to say the least.
I can't say anything to him because he will know it was her that told me and he will grill her for telling me "a lie". I truly want to bop him upside his head and ask him what is wrong with him. How can he have no concern of what our children hear?
How is this going to effect my daughter? What is this teaching her? I fear she will grow up to hate men and trust no one.
__________________ Matthew 6:33 But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.
First off let me say that I'm sorry for what you are going through.
In terms of what to do about this:
Originally Posted by GuidanceNeeded
How is this going to effect my daughter? What is this teaching her? I fear she will grow up to hate men and trust no one.
You need to, in a way that avoids as much as possible tearing down your husband, try to teach her that not all men are like him. Try(I know it will be hard) to talk about his wrong actions, not his bad character.
I too am sorry you are going through this. You do have some choices though. You can teach her to pretend everything is fine and ignore problems in your marriage until the day he comes home and drops a bomb that he is leaving and you will be able to claim you never saw this coming. Or you can teach her to deal with problems head on and reclaim your marriage if that is your desire.
That's just sad. I'm so sorry. My husband did the same thing once, but my daughter didn't come to me for a couple months. By the time she got the courage up to tell me the poor thing was eaten up inside. Sometimes people can be so thoughtless. Hurting us is one thing, but don't they know that their words and actions are hurting the kids too?
Sorry, tender subject.......
__________________ Isaiah 41:10 Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
I'm wondering at the moment what else might seem wrong in your relationship? Are there things you are worried about, things that don't seem right between you? Not trying to interrogate but suggesting that maybe this particular incident isn't what needs to be dealt with. I can't help but observe that your first reaction is to think, "Well, that figures, but what do I do about it?"
I'm sorry for what happened... I can imagine how that would feel and it is not a very enjoyable feeling.
About your daughter... BeanMak had some good points. Don't gloss over it and pretend that everything is fine, because then your daughter will (most likely) get the impression that doing so is a "good" way of coping with problems. Since I do not know your husband, I can't tell you how best to deal with it. But please, for your sake and the sake of your children, do not just try and forget about this and let your marriage slide further.
Just a question - and this is asked WITHOUT condemnation - but why haven't you and your husband told each other "I love you" in a couple of years? My husband and I figured that it is a very important thing to say to each other, because even if it gets repetitive over the years, it is still a good reminder that he is faithful to me, I am faithful to him, and that we love each other no matter what challenges life throws at us. We probably tell it to each other 15 times a day (or more, if I am insecure and/or having a crappy day): when he leaves for work, when we talk on the phone, when we're cuddling, when we're having an "us-day" and doing archery or hiking or whatever... it is a good statement to say, very reassuring, and to me, it can never be said enough. [/preaching] but I was just curious. You don't have to answer here if you prefer not to; you could PM me if that would be easier.
Hugs and prayers to you and your family.
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.:.Happily Married: 11 October 2008 // J'r'd: I am my beloved's, and he is mine .:.
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How long has he been doing this? Why are you still together?
I really don't understand people doing that. It's just so senseless and selfish.
__________________ My legs get to spazzing out every night when I lay down, sudden shooting pains, itches, and uncontrollable twitches. They drive me and my wife nuts and she will trap my legs. When she lets go, they start up again. Such fun for about 45 minutes. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
I caught my dad talking to his mistress. I was an adult (it was three years ago) but ugh, I still think about it and it makes me sick. Of course he lied to my face about it too. I feel for your daughter, I really do. Unfortunately, I don't think there is anything YOU can do about this. It's your husband who needs to change his behavior.
What exactly is the nature of your marriage? It doesn't sound like you're really upset about anything other than the fact he wasn't more secretive about it in front of your daughter.
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Avoid the base hypocrisy of condemning in one man what you pass over in silence when committed by another.
– Theodore Roosevelt
Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way...he's a mile away and barefoot.
- Anonymous
If there is anything that this horrible tragedy can teach us, it's that a male model's life is a precious, precious commodity. Just because we have chiseled abs and stunning features, it doesn't mean that we too can't not die in a freak gasoline fight accident.
- Derek Zoolander
I'm so sorry. My husband did the same thing once, but my daughter didn't come to me for a couple months. By the time she got the courage up to tell me the poor thing was eaten up inside. Sometimes people can be so thoughtless. Hurting us is one thing, but don't they know that their words and actions are hurting the kids too?
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