Home | Be a Christian | Devotionals | Join Us! | Forums | Rules | F.A.Q.


Go Back   Christian Forums > Ministry > Life Stages > Courting Couples
Register BlogsPrayersJobsArcade Calendar Mark Forums Read

Courting Couples A forum for dating, courting & engaged couples.

Reply
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Unread 8th November 2009, 05:55 PM
Regular Member

30 Gender: Male Faith: Christian Member For 5 Years
 
Join Date: 30th November 2005
Posts: 137
Blessings: 131,847
Reps: 1,396 (power: 10)
KrillBee is a glorious beacon of lightKrillBee is a glorious beacon of lightKrillBee is a glorious beacon of lightKrillBee is a glorious beacon of lightKrillBee is a glorious beacon of lightKrillBee is a glorious beacon of lightKrillBee is a glorious beacon of lightKrillBee is a glorious beacon of lightKrillBee is a glorious beacon of lightKrillBee is a glorious beacon of light
Spending the night at your boyfriend/girlfriend's place?

I'm in a bit of an odd relationship right now and have been for the last 6 months. I live in a city that is about 60 miles (or a 1.5 hour drive) from the city my g/f lives in. The city I live in is larger and we both enjoy spending time here more than in her city, so she comes over here when we hangout.

She typically has an odd work schedule where she'll work 9 days straight and get 5 days off (Thurs through Mon), so I usually see her about every other weekend and she wants to hang out with me during the entire weekend while she is here. Because of the price of gas, she cannot afford to come up here and go home every single day we do something and I have no desire to drive out to where she lives because it's more than I want to drive.

As a result, she typically tries staying overnight with a few of her friends that live in this city during the days that we are hanging out. She has a couple female friends she can stay at, but some nights she can't stay at their places and either has to stay at my place, sleep in her car, or drive home, which means she wouldn't get to see me as much.

I've let her stay here some nights, particularly when she has been too tired to drive home. I live with my parents, so there is always someone here besides us and my girlfriend and I sleep in seperate rooms. Normally, I didn't feel bad about this when it happened once in a blue moon, but it is starting to become a biweekly tradition where one of the nights she is in town she ends up staying here, and now that it has become an expectation I feel the burden of it more. I believe cohabitation is bad and that people need some space while they are dating, but she wants to spend as much time with me as possible. To her, she thinks it would be impossible for us to date if she only saw me one day during the 5 days she has off.

Thoughts?
Reply With Quote
Become a CF Site Supporter Today and Make These Ads Go Away!

  #2  
Unread 8th November 2009, 06:30 PM
Melethiel's Avatar
Miserere mei, Domine

24 Gender: Female Married Faith: Lutheran Country: Ukraine Member For 5 Years
View Profile Pic
 
Join Date: 8th June 2005
Location: Ohio
Posts: 23,803
Blessings: 58,218,879
Reps: 575,290,078,920,444,032 (power: 575,290,078,920,477)
Melethiel has a reputation beyond reputeMelethiel has a reputation beyond reputeMelethiel has a reputation beyond reputeMelethiel has a reputation beyond reputeMelethiel has a reputation beyond reputeMelethiel has a reputation beyond reputeMelethiel has a reputation beyond reputeMelethiel has a reputation beyond reputeMelethiel has a reputation beyond reputeMelethiel has a reputation beyond reputeMelethiel has a reputation beyond reputeMelethiel has a reputation beyond reputeMelethiel has a reputation beyond reputeMelethiel has a reputation beyond reputeMelethiel has a reputation beyond repute
Melethiel has a reputation beyond reputeMelethiel has a reputation beyond reputeMelethiel has a reputation beyond reputeMelethiel has a reputation beyond reputeMelethiel has a reputation beyond reputeMelethiel has a reputation beyond reputeMelethiel has a reputation beyond reputeMelethiel has a reputation beyond reputeMelethiel has a reputation beyond reputeMelethiel has a reputation beyond reputeMelethiel has a reputation beyond reputeMelethiel has a reputation beyond reputeMelethiel has a reputation beyond reputeMelethiel has a reputation beyond reputeMelethiel has a reputation beyond repute
I live 1000 miles away from my boyfriend, so we only get to see each other every 3 months, for about a week at a time. We always stay at each other's place. When not at school, he lives with his parents, so I stay in their guest room. I rent my own condo, but when he's here, he'll sleep on a different floor. It hasn't been a problem for us - just a way to minimize hassle and costs.

What exactly are your misgivings about this arrangement?
__________________
Господи помилуй нас.

"I have no pleasure in any man who despises music. It is no invention of ours: it is a gift of God. I place it next to theology. Satan hates music: he knows how it drives the evil spirit out of us." -Martin Luther
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Unread 8th November 2009, 07:40 PM
Regular Member

30 Gender: Male Faith: Christian Member For 5 Years
 
Join Date: 30th November 2005
Posts: 137
Blessings: 131,847
Reps: 1,396 (power: 10)
KrillBee is a glorious beacon of lightKrillBee is a glorious beacon of lightKrillBee is a glorious beacon of lightKrillBee is a glorious beacon of lightKrillBee is a glorious beacon of lightKrillBee is a glorious beacon of lightKrillBee is a glorious beacon of lightKrillBee is a glorious beacon of lightKrillBee is a glorious beacon of lightKrillBee is a glorious beacon of light
Originally Posted by Melethiel View Post
I live 1000 miles away from my boyfriend, so we only get to see each other every 3 months, for about a week at a time. We always stay at each other's place. When not at school, he lives with his parents, so I stay in their guest room. I rent my own condo, but when he's here, he'll sleep on a different floor. It hasn't been a problem for us - just a way to minimize hassle and costs.

What exactly are your misgivings about this arrangement?

1) It feels too much like we live together on days where she stays over. I don't think it's a good idea to do that before you are married, hence why people live together after they are married.

2) It may have the appearance of evil to some people and the Bible advises not to do that.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Unread 8th November 2009, 07:48 PM
Manda_24's Avatar
Saved by Grace

28 Gender: Female Married Faith: Baptist Party: US-Republican Country: United States Member For 5 Years Steward
View Profile Pic
 
Join Date: 2nd January 2004
Location: Indiana
Posts: 3,807
Blessings: 42,125
My Mood In Love
Reps: 25,194,885,391,716,688 (power: 25,194,885,391,730)
Manda_24 has a reputation beyond reputeManda_24 has a reputation beyond reputeManda_24 has a reputation beyond reputeManda_24 has a reputation beyond reputeManda_24 has a reputation beyond reputeManda_24 has a reputation beyond reputeManda_24 has a reputation beyond reputeManda_24 has a reputation beyond reputeManda_24 has a reputation beyond reputeManda_24 has a reputation beyond reputeManda_24 has a reputation beyond reputeManda_24 has a reputation beyond reputeManda_24 has a reputation beyond reputeManda_24 has a reputation beyond reputeManda_24 has a reputation beyond repute
Manda_24 has a reputation beyond reputeManda_24 has a reputation beyond reputeManda_24 has a reputation beyond reputeManda_24 has a reputation beyond reputeManda_24 has a reputation beyond reputeManda_24 has a reputation beyond reputeManda_24 has a reputation beyond reputeManda_24 has a reputation beyond reputeManda_24 has a reputation beyond reputeManda_24 has a reputation beyond reputeManda_24 has a reputation beyond reputeManda_24 has a reputation beyond reputeManda_24 has a reputation beyond reputeManda_24 has a reputation beyond reputeManda_24 has a reputation beyond repute
I don't see anything wrong with it. My boyfriend and i don't have the problem of living too far way to go home after seeing each other, we're only about 5 minutes apart. I know that if we did live farther away and didn't get to see each other very often we'd stay at each others place, in different rooms. The whole avoiding the appearance of evil thing is hard though, people may assume things, I don't know what to tell you about that.

When he goes to visit his parents I usually go along, we stay on the same floor but in different rooms, at my parents house we're on different floors just because it's where the extra room is.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Unread 8th November 2009, 08:24 PM
Mrs. Luther073082's Avatar
Commit to the LORD whatever you do - Proverbs 16:3

Gender: Female Married Faith: Lutheran Country: United States Member For 5 Years
View Profile Pic
 
Join Date: 18th January 2006
Posts: 30,645
Blessings: 110,076,227
My Mood In Love
Reps: 2,651,348,576,004,600,832 (power: 2,651,348,576,004,640)
Mrs. Luther073082 has a reputation beyond reputeMrs. Luther073082 has a reputation beyond reputeMrs. Luther073082 has a reputation beyond reputeMrs. Luther073082 has a reputation beyond reputeMrs. Luther073082 has a reputation beyond reputeMrs. Luther073082 has a reputation beyond reputeMrs. Luther073082 has a reputation beyond reputeMrs. Luther073082 has a reputation beyond reputeMrs. Luther073082 has a reputation beyond reputeMrs. Luther073082 has a reputation beyond reputeMrs. Luther073082 has a reputation beyond reputeMrs. Luther073082 has a reputation beyond reputeMrs. Luther073082 has a reputation beyond reputeMrs. Luther073082 has a reputation beyond reputeMrs. Luther073082 has a reputation beyond repute
Mrs. Luther073082 has a reputation beyond reputeMrs. Luther073082 has a reputation beyond reputeMrs. Luther073082 has a reputation beyond reputeMrs. Luther073082 has a reputation beyond reputeMrs. Luther073082 has a reputation beyond reputeMrs. Luther073082 has a reputation beyond reputeMrs. Luther073082 has a reputation beyond reputeMrs. Luther073082 has a reputation beyond reputeMrs. Luther073082 has a reputation beyond reputeMrs. Luther073082 has a reputation beyond reputeMrs. Luther073082 has a reputation beyond reputeMrs. Luther073082 has a reputation beyond reputeMrs. Luther073082 has a reputation beyond reputeMrs. Luther073082 has a reputation beyond reputeMrs. Luther073082 has a reputation beyond repute
Honestly, I think you are blowing this way out of proportion. Sleeping in a car? Really? You are in a long distance relationship. There are parents there, and there are seperate bedrooms. People should certainly understand your circumstances. And I'm sure they'd be much more likely to understand that then her having to sleep outside your parents house in her car. I'm sorry, but that's awful. And dangerous.

My fiance and I live over 1000 miles apart. He's stayed over at my house and I've stayed at his. Our visits generally range from a few days to over a week long, and when I go up there in January and March next year, the visits are going to be 2-3 weeks long so I can look for employment and we can look for apartments and such. In my house we sleep in seperate bedrooms, but at his house there is no spare room and no where else that is feasible to sleep so his parents set up a small bed for me in his room. We've also had to stay in hotels together before because of traveling (always with two seperate beds). People can think that is evil if they want to, but they would be in the wrong for judging us. God knows that we are waiting for marriage.
__________________

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.



To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.



To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.



Reply With Quote
  #6  
Unread 8th November 2009, 08:35 PM
Melethiel's Avatar
Miserere mei, Domine

24 Gender: Female Married Faith: Lutheran Country: Ukraine Member For 5 Years
View Profile Pic
 
Join Date: 8th June 2005
Location: Ohio
Posts: 23,803
Blessings: 58,218,879
Reps: 575,290,078,920,444,032 (power: 575,290,078,920,477)
Melethiel has a reputation beyond reputeMelethiel has a reputation beyond reputeMelethiel has a reputation beyond reputeMelethiel has a reputation beyond reputeMelethiel has a reputation beyond reputeMelethiel has a reputation beyond reputeMelethiel has a reputation beyond reputeMelethiel has a reputation beyond reputeMelethiel has a reputation beyond reputeMelethiel has a reputation beyond reputeMelethiel has a reputation beyond reputeMelethiel has a reputation beyond reputeMelethiel has a reputation beyond reputeMelethiel has a reputation beyond reputeMelethiel has a reputation beyond repute
Melethiel has a reputation beyond reputeMelethiel has a reputation beyond reputeMelethiel has a reputation beyond reputeMelethiel has a reputation beyond reputeMelethiel has a reputation beyond reputeMelethiel has a reputation beyond reputeMelethiel has a reputation beyond reputeMelethiel has a reputation beyond reputeMelethiel has a reputation beyond reputeMelethiel has a reputation beyond reputeMelethiel has a reputation beyond reputeMelethiel has a reputation beyond reputeMelethiel has a reputation beyond reputeMelethiel has a reputation beyond reputeMelethiel has a reputation beyond repute
We've also had to stay in hotels together before because of traveling (always with two seperate beds).
We're going to Israel together in March, and we're planning on doing that for economic reasons. Granted, it won't always be feasible - many Christian guesthouses don't allow unmarried couples to stay in the same room, which is reasonable. (Those are cheaper than hotels though, so it evens out.)


I can understand trying to avoid the appearance of evil, but I don't think anyone will think badly if you're staying in separate rooms, and your parents are home. Also, it's not exactly living together if she's only staying for a couple days.
__________________
Господи помилуй нас.

"I have no pleasure in any man who despises music. It is no invention of ours: it is a gift of God. I place it next to theology. Satan hates music: he knows how it drives the evil spirit out of us." -Martin Luther
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Unread 8th November 2009, 08:45 PM
Mrs. Luther073082's Avatar
Commit to the LORD whatever you do - Proverbs 16:3

Gender: Female Married Faith: Lutheran Country: United States Member For 5 Years
View Profile Pic
 
Join Date: 18th January 2006
Posts: 30,645
Blessings: 110,076,227
My Mood In Love
Reps: 2,651,348,576,004,600,832 (power: 2,651,348,576,004,640)
Mrs. Luther073082 has a reputation beyond reputeMrs. Luther073082 has a reputation beyond reputeMrs. Luther073082 has a reputation beyond reputeMrs. Luther073082 has a reputation beyond reputeMrs. Luther073082 has a reputation beyond reputeMrs. Luther073082 has a reputation beyond reputeMrs. Luther073082 has a reputation beyond reputeMrs. Luther073082 has a reputation beyond reputeMrs. Luther073082 has a reputation beyond reputeMrs. Luther073082 has a reputation beyond reputeMrs. Luther073082 has a reputation beyond reputeMrs. Luther073082 has a reputation beyond reputeMrs. Luther073082 has a reputation beyond reputeMrs. Luther073082 has a reputation beyond reputeMrs. Luther073082 has a reputation beyond repute
Mrs. Luther073082 has a reputation beyond reputeMrs. Luther073082 has a reputation beyond reputeMrs. Luther073082 has a reputation beyond reputeMrs. Luther073082 has a reputation beyond reputeMrs. Luther073082 has a reputation beyond reputeMrs. Luther073082 has a reputation beyond reputeMrs. Luther073082 has a reputation beyond reputeMrs. Luther073082 has a reputation beyond reputeMrs. Luther073082 has a reputation beyond reputeMrs. Luther073082 has a reputation beyond reputeMrs. Luther073082 has a reputation beyond reputeMrs. Luther073082 has a reputation beyond reputeMrs. Luther073082 has a reputation beyond reputeMrs. Luther073082 has a reputation beyond reputeMrs. Luther073082 has a reputation beyond repute
Yeah, it really isn't. When I was an athiest I didn't have any beliefs that premarital sex or living together were things that are wrong. I lived with one of my boyfriends for two years. Trust me, living together and staying over at someone's parents' house for a few days are very, very different things.
__________________

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.



To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.



To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.



Reply With Quote
  #8  
Unread 8th November 2009, 09:07 PM
Senior Veteran

Faith: Atheist Member For 5 Years Messenger
View Profile Pic
 
Join Date: 1st October 2003
Posts: 2,767
Blessings: 15,491
My Mood Serious
Blog Entries: 40
Reps: 14,293,166,097,171,188 (power: 14,293,166,097,185)
SmileAndAHandshake has disabled reputation
Originally Posted by KrillBee View Post
1) It feels too much like we live together
It feels like you're living together.. but you aren't.

That, frankly, is your hang up, not hers.

I think your arrangement is great, and you should consider yourself lucky that your parents even allow it to happen because growing up my parents would have never allowed a boyfriend to stay in our house, even in a separate room I know a lot of people's parents who were the same way, didn't matter how old we were.

Concentrate more on the good things, and stop trying to dig up the bag things. People can really think negativity into fruition.

But of course, I think living together should be mandatory and a foolish thing to skip So obviously I'm coming from a different perspective.
__________________
Goodbye
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


It's been a long seven years.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Unread 9th November 2009, 01:54 AM
Lovely Lamb's Avatar
Junior Member

25 Gender: Female Faith: Protestant Party: US-Republican Country: United States Member For 4 Years
 
Join Date: 4th November 2009
Location: Denver, CO
Posts: 18
Blessings: 115,385
My Mood Confused
Reps: 10 (power: 0)
Lovely Lamb is on a distinguished road
TO be honest it seems like you're making this a bigger deal than it really is. If you both know you're waiting for marriage, and you sleep in seperate rooms or beds, then I don't see that it's a big deal. I would be okay with you even sleeping together as long as you both had good self restraint.
As Melissa said...there's a huge difference between living together and staying at someone's house for a few days. Some hardcore people may say it's wrong...but you know what happens when she's there, and you know that you're not doing anything wrong. Besides, your parents don't seem to have a problem with it.
My boyfriend has stayed at my house before (sleeping on the couch) and we've stayed in a hotel room before as well, for traveling purposes. It's much different from when a previous boyfriend lived at my house for 6 months.
Also, I was in a LDR before and I know how hard it is to be away from your signifigant other...I dread the day when my boyfriend gets deployed overseas. You're lucky that you get to see each other as much as you do~! But, if you really don't like the way it is, just explain it to her...tell her you want less time with her; or when she comes to visit, offer to put her up in a hotel instead.
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Unread 9th November 2009, 07:48 AM
Newbie

Gender: Male Faith: Christian Member For 4 Years
 
Join Date: 4th November 2009
Posts: 25
Blessings: 114,993
My Mood Amused
Reps: 303,248,010,230 (power: 303,248,015)
Kembomani has a reputation beyond reputeKembomani has a reputation beyond reputeKembomani has a reputation beyond reputeKembomani has a reputation beyond reputeKembomani has a reputation beyond reputeKembomani has a reputation beyond reputeKembomani has a reputation beyond reputeKembomani has a reputation beyond reputeKembomani has a reputation beyond reputeKembomani has a reputation beyond reputeKembomani has a reputation beyond reputeKembomani has a reputation beyond reputeKembomani has a reputation beyond reputeKembomani has a reputation beyond reputeKembomani has a reputation beyond repute
Kembomani has a reputation beyond reputeKembomani has a reputation beyond reputeKembomani has a reputation beyond reputeKembomani has a reputation beyond reputeKembomani has a reputation beyond reputeKembomani has a reputation beyond reputeKembomani has a reputation beyond reputeKembomani has a reputation beyond reputeKembomani has a reputation beyond reputeKembomani has a reputation beyond reputeKembomani has a reputation beyond reputeKembomani has a reputation beyond reputeKembomani has a reputation beyond reputeKembomani has a reputation beyond reputeKembomani has a reputation beyond repute
I agree with melissa. Something is seriously wrong if your girlfriend is traveling to see you and she has to on some occasions sleep in her car. Get over yourself. Seems like your feeling constricted cause she is there for long periods of time. There is nothing wrong with her expecting to sleep over at your house if shes coming to visit you. Man to man I would never allow my gf to sleep in a car if she was coming to see me. That is dangerous.
Reply With Quote
Reply


Return to Courting Couples

Thread Tools
Display Modes


 
Become a CF Site Supporter Today and Make These Ads Go Away!


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 08:14 AM.