Is it moral to pursue a romantic relationship with someone else who is...
(1) In a generally non-serious relationship, has only been together a while.
(2) In a fairly serious relationship though no promises exchanged.
(3) A serious relationship lasting more than a year.
(4) Someone engaged.
(5) Someone married.
I recently met someone who is in either category 1 or 2, and I had a discussion with two friends on it.
One is quite a conservative Muslim and she said 'go for it. She isn't married or anything.' The other, who ironically is a fairly liberal Buddhist, said 'that's not right.'
I tend to think that pursuing a relationship with someone who is either in category one or two is OK, and I have done it before.
I figure: it is the choice of the other person. They may no longer want to be with the other person, and they may be interested in you.
However, if it is a relationship that has been together a long time or is of course married or engaged, I would not touch it with a ten foot pole. Even if someone who was engaged or married wanted to be with me I would reject them.
But otherwise I figure that if someone pursues someone in a relationship with an amount of tact and opens up the door to romance, it is polite to do it until you are rebuffed. We all have free will.
Thoughts?
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“The egalitarian mania of demagogues is even more dangerous than the brutality of men in gallooned coats... Anyone who has been oppressed can get back on his feet if the oppression did not cost him his life. A man who has been equalized is physically and morally ruined." - Ernst Jünger (March 29, 1895 – February 17, 1998)
Haha, OK, on serious analysis, I think Christ's answer would be 'yes' to all of them but marriage or engagement.
Because marriage and the promise of marriage are very serious endeavors in one's life, one must be sure of what they want.
If the opportunity is presented politely I think that it is a good thing. I would also be more comfortable knowing that my girlfriend politely refused someone on a very objective basis, preferring my company, as opposed to only having done it because of the rigid idea of being committed to me.
Truth must prevail -- part of truth is option.
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“The egalitarian mania of demagogues is even more dangerous than the brutality of men in gallooned coats... Anyone who has been oppressed can get back on his feet if the oppression did not cost him his life. A man who has been equalized is physically and morally ruined." - Ernst Jünger (March 29, 1895 – February 17, 1998)
I'd have to ask why. Let's say you do pursue someone in a committed relationship and she (or he) leaves her partner for you. What's to stop her from doing the same to you?
I had a guy pursuing me after I got engaged to my now husband. I kept telling him I was engaged and he kept telling me that it wasn't "official" until I put the ring on and that he could "steal" me away any time he wanted. Frankly, it was annoying and I almost reported the guy for stalking me.
If someone is in a relationship, don't be the one to break it up. If she's not meant to be with that guy, sooner or later she won't be. THEN you're free and clear.
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Haha, OK, on serious analysis, I think Christ's answer would be 'yes' to all of them but marriage or engagement.
Because marriage and the promise of marriage are very serious endeavors in one's life, one must be sure of what they want.
If the opportunity is presented politely I think that it is a good thing. I would also be more comfortable knowing that my girlfriend politely refused someone on a very objective basis, preferring my company, as opposed to only having done it because of the rigid idea of being committed to me.
Truth must prevail -- part of truth is option.
Is there anything Christians can't justify to themselves?
I tend to agree with David and Preacher'sWife; but in Cases## 1&2, unless the person has made it clear she's not interested, I'd say it's unwise rather than immoral.
I'm a bit of a hit with the opposite sex, so if you are going to pursue this regardless of what others say, maybe I can offer some advice as I know how daunting these things can be.
You mentioned earlier you only just met her, so presumably you don't know her very well. Next time you see her, whether it's in a coffee shop, library or whatever, do not approach her or try to talk to her at first, just observe from distance for a little while.
Wait for her to leave, keep your distance still but follow her, so you can continue to observe anything that may come in handy for conversation later, use lamp posts as a decoy, if she does turn round, look the other way and towards the sky as though you are just looking at a plane or a bird...
Now you know where she lives, gives you carte blanche to go round whenever you want, just to find out more about her from the comfort of your car, any male visitors, whats on the washing line, maybe take a garment etc. Eventually knock on the door and say 'remember me? I think you left this pen in the coffee shop/library the other week and I wanted to return it', put a foot behind the door to suggest you want a coffee as a reward... once in use your new in depth knowledge about her life to impress her. Can not fail!
This has to be the best use of sarcasm I have ever seen...
Originally Posted by underpressure
I'm a bit of a hit with the opposite sex, so if you are going to pursue this regardless of what others say, maybe I can offer some advice as I know how daunting these things can be.
You mentioned earlier you only just met her, so presumably you don't know her very well. Next time you see her, whether it's in a coffee shop, library or whatever, do not approach her or try to talk to her at first, just observe from distance for a little while.
Wait for her to leave, keep your distance still but follow her, so you can continue to observe anything that may come in handy for conversation later, use lamp posts as a decoy, if she does turn round, look the other way and towards the sky as though you are just looking at a plane or a bird...
Now you know where she lives, gives you carte blanche to go round whenever you want, just to find out more about her from the comfort of your car, any male visitors, whats on the washing line, maybe take a garment etc. Eventually knock on the door and say 'remember me? I think you left this pen in the coffee shop/library the other week and I wanted to return it', put a foot behind the door to suggest you want a coffee as a reward... once in use your new in depth knowledge about her life to impress her. Can not fail!
__________________
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. †Beckie
Society Administrator
PM me if you have any questions, if you need help or if you need prayers.
~~~~~~~~~~
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