Relationship break-up and complete lack of spirituality

I haven't visited this website in ages. I haven't done anything remotely Christian in ages. I was in a relationship with a man i thought i would be with forever for a year and a half. It has been headed to a break-up for a long time, there was violence, too much drinking and a million things wrong with our relationship on both parts but the break-up has shocked me. He has woken up and relalised it can't go on, i wish i could wake up. I've tried to kill myself when we were together and i still never woke up. I think i would have put up with anything to save our relationship cause i loved him so much and did not want to lose him. I have suffered from depression for years and breaking up with him has left me a total emotional wreck. Spiritually i am a mess. I believe in God but i do not deserve to be called a Christian. I do not talk about my faith with anyone, don't have any Christian friends or go to church, don't even bother to read the bible. All i do now is pray to God in a selfish way when i want something that will make life easier for me. I drink heavily, had premarital sex with my boyfriend who was not a Christian and do so many other things i know are wrong. I seem to have some self-destruct button on and i really don't know how to change it. I read the first bible verse that has stood out to me in ages yesterday that went something along the lines of 'i have plans for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you'. Maybe God has not given up on me yet. I need some really amazing advice cause i can't function just now.

Have you been praying about a situation in your life and found yourself waiting for a breakthrough? Are you wondering why the answer hasn’t come yet? Do you feel as though victory is passing you by?

Sometimes when we pray long and hard about a situation in our life without receiving any answers, we just learn to live with it. We go on about our business, wondering if or when God will send the answer. But God does hear those prayers, and He’s working out the answers even though we may not know all the details. Our situation can change suddenly—quickly without warning!

But one thing is certain: Before God moves suddenly, we will wait. Waiting for answers is a fact of life—nobody gets out of it. So the question is not if we’ll wait, but rather how we’ll wait. And I believe how will determine how long.

There are two ways to wait: One is to wait passively, and the other is to wait expectantly. A passive person hopes something good will happen and is willing to sit around waiting to see if it does. After a short time, he gives up, saying, “That’s it! I’ve waited and waited and nothing’s happened.” The passive person has a lot of wishbone but not much backbone!

The expectant person, on the other hand, is hopeful, believing the answer is just around the corner, due to arrive any minute. His belief is not a passive thing. His heart is full of hope, expecting his problem to be solved at any moment. He wakes up every morning expecting to find his answer. He may wait and wait, but suddenly what he’s been waiting for happens.

It’s just like when a woman is pregnant; it’s said that she is expecting a baby. She carries inside her the promise of a baby, and even though she can’t see it, she knows it’s there. The moment she learns of her pregnancy, she begins to plan for her baby’s arrival. She starts collecting items she’ll need and busily gets the nursery ready. She actively prepares for the arrival of the baby because she knows the promise will be fulfilled—it’s just a matter of time. She is expectant and she’ll wait as long as it takes.

We know the word wait means “to expect” or “to look for.” But remember, it also means “to serve”—just like a waiter waits on your table at a restaurant. Our act of waiting isn’t supposed to be spent sitting around passively hoping that something will happen sometime soon.

Once we’ve asked God to answer a question or solve a problem, we need to be eagerly awaiting His answer. We need to be serving actively, aggressively and expectantly. When our hearts are eager to hear from God, He loves to rush in suddenly with His solution. In many cases this waiting period actually serves as a time of preparation for the answer. If God answered right away, many of us would be ill-prepared to handle His solution.

Sometimes we find ourselves in such horrible messes that it’s hard to imagine waiting one more second. But we need to keep waiting on God and trusting Him with a sweet and simple faith. Then, in a way we never could’ve figured out—God moves suddenly!

In the Bible Paul and Silas knew about waiting, and they waited well. Acts 16 tells the story of how they were attacked by a crowd, beaten and thrown in jail. Verse 24 says the jailer…put them into the inner prison (the dungeon) and fastened their feet in the stocks. He was making sure they couldn’t escape. But about midnight, God showed up. Now it would have been nice if He’d come a little earlier, but Paul and Silas didn’t seem to mind—they just decided to start singing and began to worship the Lord. They began to wait on God.

Verses 25 & 26 say, But about midnight, as Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns of praise to God, and the [other] prisoners were listening to them, suddenly there was a great earthquake, so that the very foundations of the prison were shaken; and at once all the doors were opened and everyone’s shackles were unfastened. God answered them suddenly!

When people patiently and expectantly wait on God in the midst of horrible circumstances, suddenly God breaks through. So don’t give up! Don’t stop believing! Stay full of hope and expectation. God’s power is limitless, and He’ll break through for you.

Overcoming condemnation

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Forgiving yourself can be one of the hardest things. When we know better it's harder to respect ourselves in the same way and believe God loves us and will forgive us.

Forgive the other people you've sinned with or have encouraged you into sin as well, because that can be part of the healing process.

Keep your chin up.

God bless



PS. God tells us that his gifts and calling are irrevocable. If you want to go back, his arms are always open. The prodigal son expected only to be a servant in his fathers house but the father was waiting at the gate for him because it was his habit. He waited there hoping because that's how much he loved his son.

Thankyou for taking the time to reply to me. I didn't expect someone to put so much time and thought into my post and i really and truly appeciate it. I understand what you are saying but it is easier said than done to instantly stop worrying about a situation when you have been focussed on it for so long. I devoted my life to my boyfriend to the point where i never focussed on anything else. The happy times i had with him were the happiest of my life and i know it's selfish and wrong but i pushed aside God in order to do my own selfish things. For about a year before i got with this man i prayed to God to give me the man i would marry and i thought this was him, but maybe i just jumped in and did not properly wait for God's answer. How do i know when God is telling me something? How do i know if i pray for something and a supposed answer comes if it is from God or i'm just making something that is not from God into something that is? I am totally confused. My faith is not very strong and i believe that i am a passive person. I do not know how to get more faith or belief that God will change a situation for the better. I am utterly depressed. I want to get out of this situation, but the truth is i don't know if i am mentally strong enough to take the steps i need to to get out of it. I know it will be a long hard road, and it is overwhelming to think of all the things i will need to overcome. It is extremely difficult for me to just focus on changing my life one step at a time. The truth is i have avoided focussing on changing my own life. I have spent the past year and a half trying to change my boyfriend's life and it was all a huge waste of time cause he will throw away any positive changes i helped him make in a second. I have ignored myself and all the things i need to do cause i don't think deep down i really have much strength left, i don't think i care about myself enough to start trying really hard to do the right things for me. I don't think i am worth the effort. Deep down i have always believed God will be there to turn my life around when i am ready to take that first step. I just desperately wish i was willing and able to do that right now so i don't need to take the pain of being so miserable and pathetic any more. My life has been a continuous cycle. I will do something that destroys part of me then turn to God to pick up the pieces. I expect myself to fail. I turn to Him in the moments of my deepest despair and ignore him when i'm feeling ok. I do the same to the people in my life who love me the most. I really want to change, and i know God is so much more powerful than me and could change me. I have always just been so impatient and wanted a quick instant fix. I pray and study the bible for a few weeks, months, days until i feel a bit better about myself then forget it all and go back to my old ways. I don't want to be like that any more. I don't want to be fake. I mean i can listen to all the advice that God throws at me but theres always going to be something that needs to change in me in order for His will for my life to be fulfilled and that is what i struggle with the most i just don't know how to make that change in myself.

You don't need to make that change, sweetie, none of us can change ourselves. All we can do is come to God, admit what a mess we are in, and ask Him to change us. And He will... not usually overnight, but as we keep coming to Him and trusting Him, He will remake us in His image.
You have been very open and admitted a lot of things here, all you need to do is take that to God, and let Him work. It doesn't mean that the pain will vanish, or life will become easy... that isn't something He promises. He does promise that He will give you strength to face whatever comes, and that you will never be overcome.

Praying for you, sweetie.

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Listen to this whole series

One step towards God is always one step closer. Another step is another step closer. Before long you'll have made some distance. Keep on going and you'll have made even more. Before long you'll be suprised at how far you've come and won't even be able to remember all the details of how you got there. Not only that, you'll have started building the habit of walking in a certain way.

Small steps might not look like much in themselves, but together they create a journey. (And falling down is ok, because God helps us up and doesn't condemn us when we're trying.) Small steps and don't give up when you fall (or at least try to stay down for as little as possible.) It's a simple formula but it works.

And as for worrying that you'll just play out past patterns, leave that to God. Just do what you can do. He's your father, not a commanding officer.

I understand somewhat of what you are going through. I have been praying for years to have a great relationship, but it has not happened for me. Although I am a Christian in ways, I still live my normal life. I can't stay idle, waiting for months or years, to see if Mrs. Charming just magically shows up.

However, I suffer a lot of pain everyday from one failure I had. I found out I could not have that person because of not having enough faith. So I can see where this is going. So in general, the best way to heal from a loss is to serve God? I have been praying to let God restore things, but if they aren't restored, I guess it wasn't meant to be, or maybe there will be a way to fix it in due time.

Just stay positive, I know it's hard sometimes. I'm going through a recovery process, too. It takes a long time to recover, especially when someone you have a soul connection to does not accept you for who you are. The hardest part about it is to accept their decision and to be able to move on. Not only that, but wondering all the time if the relationship could ever be restored. In my case, most likely not, at least for quite some time. But that's life. I'm praying constantly to meet the right girl very soon, but I do not know what else to do but to give the situation to God.

Nice dream I will pray for you, you are still very young and God needs you.

There are some great advice here.

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A song I will always hold close to my heart - "Forever", I love you always Gene.