The short of it is, my wife is leaving me for another guy. She says she never really loved me, and looking back on the last 10 years I have no doubt about it. She says she always felt guilty that she didn't love me the way that I loved her and that she has the right to find someone she can love that way, and that she's found that in this other guy. Furthermore, she is no longer a believer. She says now she believes that God accepts anyone no matter what they do (which is convenient for her).
So anyway, I still love her and she's indifferent to me. I'm depressed and lonely and she's happy and loving life. Any attempt to wake her up to what she is doing and her spiritual need for Christ results in anger and insults. I pray constantly that God will break through to her, but honestly, what will He do if she just refuses to listen? Is there any hope? I know I'm going to hear "Just pick yourself up and move on," and "She's not worth it," and "quit being so pathetic and weak and just get over her," from some people, but what I'd really like to hear is something that gives me hope. I can't imagine that I will ever stop loving her, and as we have 4 kids I'm always going to be in her life, so am I doomed to spend my life loving someone who doesn't care? This is the path of my thoughts after the sun goes down every night.
What you are going through is hell. Just keep in mind tomorrow is a new day and you never know what will happen. Job lost everything and God restored it all to him. You have lost much, if you are faithful God will reward you for it.
You can pine over that woman for as long as you want/need to. When you are ready to move on you will. There is so much the world has to offer us with God's bountiful blessings. Its the trials we face that bring us closer to God so he can bless us more.
__________________ "give me a kiss to build a dream on and my imagination will thrive upon that kiss... sweetheart I ask no more than this... a kiss to build a dream on"
Thank you for caring, Autumnleaf. My experience for the last year is that every day is the same day, except those days when something even worse is revealed to me. I know there's no real answer except to grit my teeth and wait a couple years for the pain to go away. I wish there was some answer other than, "Here's your hurt. Get used to it, it's going to be with you for awhile." I keep asking, "what can I do?" and the answer I get back is "wait," and I ask again, like someone who is hungry and keeps opening an empty fridge.
__________________ "give me a kiss to build a dream on and my imagination will thrive upon that kiss... sweetheart I ask no more than this... a kiss to build a dream on"
I am truly sorry for what you're going through, my daughter is going through the same thing at the moment. Going only on what you've written, it sounds to me like your wife may be rationalizing her actions in order to live with the guilt she is no doubt feeling. We found a wonderful article at marriagevine.com entitled "10 Ways to Save a Marriage After an Affair". I don't want to raise false hope for you, but it's worth trying. Praying for you!
jimmyl,
i can totally relate to you brother! long story short (i read your long story also), my wife has left me after approx 10 years also (4 and bit of marriage). looking back on my situation, i really wonder if she loved me. in the bible it says that love never fails, and for someone to stop loving would mean that the love wouldnt have been real. i have tried so so many times to get her to reconsider and show love only to be insulted and hurt as well.
she left me once before for faults of both of us. i put my absolute %100 into it to try make our marriage work, but she left me again and took away our kids. She isnt in a relationship with another person as far as im aware. but the original problems in our relationship are still hurting me in that she takes advise and listens to her mother more than she ever took notice of me. (which isnt as bad as cheating, but still very hurtful)
i have been told by friends and family of the story of Job and how he lost everything (except wife) and god payed him back double everything he had. the thing which makes this story hard, is we dont know how long he had to undure, only that it was 39 chapters long. and also he had his wife the whole time
I often pray to god 5 or 6 times a day to open my wife eyes to what she is doing, and to bring her back. i think about how job was payed back bouble what he had, and think i dont want double back, i only want the wife i married back and for us all to live together again as a happy family.
something you might note both job and Hosea prayed a hedge of thorns.
Hosea prayed a hegde of thorns around gomer to bind satan and place a hadge of thorns around her (Gomer his wife) so that anyone with the wrong intentions would loose interest and leave. He prayed that under the command of god that therefore what god hath joined together let no man put asunder.
All Gomers lovers lost interest in her, and she ended up chasing them but wasnt able to find them. she eventually said to herself that its worse now that what it was with my husband i shall return to him.
i can totally relate to you and your opening the fridge scenario, your hungry and you open it to find nothing inside.
i often whonder why after all the good things i did for her and all the praying for years i did for god to rerstore my marriage that it all went the other way. i guess i feel like im living a borrowed life, because i sure dont know why im here or how to do anything whist im in this stuck position.
The feeling of loneliness is extreme and the depression always present. theres just no way out, and that i always find ringing in my ears (theres no way out of this situation, i just have to wait for god to do his thing). you would think that god would help you out of such a situation and wouldnt let you be tested to such an extreme.
i guess thats what faith is isnt it, just trusting that it really is for the good of those who love the lord.
praying for you mate!
As long as you have god on your side who can be against you?
Keep praying and be hopeful, your not alone in your situation
jimmyl,
i can totally relate to you brother! long story short (i read your long story also), my wife has left me after approx 10 years also (4 and bit of marriage). looking back on my situation, i really wonder if she loved me. in the bible it says that love never fails, and for someone to stop loving would mean that the love wouldnt have been real.
Thats not true, d.
If the spouse we love is abusive and cheats and treats us like crap it is VERY likely that we will end up not loving them at some point.
I think youre taking that passage to a bit of an extreme.
Hosea prayed a hegde of thorns around gomer to bind satan and place a hadge of thorns around her (Gomer his wife) so that anyone with the wrong intentions would loose interest and leave. He prayed that under the command of god that therefore what god hath joined together let no man put asunder.
All Gomers lovers lost interest in her, and she ended up chasing them but wasnt able to find them. she eventually said to herself that its worse now that what it was with my husband i shall return to him.
uh, Hosea was a prophet of God whom God INSTRUCTED TO marry a woman of harlotries, friend.
The details of that marriage ONLY apply to THAT marriage and no other unless God Himself has instructed the person TO marry a cheating spouse.
God was working very actively in that marriage for a reason and to show a point. It wasnt just some random events in a marriage.
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(Pro 14:12 KJV) There is a way which seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death.
(Pro 16:25 KJV) There is a way that seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death.
Last edited by AdJesumPerMariam; 21st November 2009 at 11:05 AM.
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