I need Help Please!! Frustration turning to anger!!
I have posted here before, and don't want to be "labled" but need some advice.......
Right now i when i get frustrated it turns to anger It seems whenever I am at home when the kids are too loud and i ask them to please be quiet and ask many times, my voice then turns to a shout. Or when the kids do something wrong or my wife does something in a way in which I would not do it, I am a HUGE smart butt. I will say things that deman them like......It does'nt take a rocket scientist to figure that out.....or....Are you serious, that is the best you can do?
I make my family feel like they are dumb or stupid. I am from a background where that is my only defense mechinism to get my frustrations out. My family physically abused me and i have been through some huge physical traumas as well as I have been sworn at and ridiculed to no end. I was always told i was not good enough no matter what the subject was. So i became someone that does everything to perfection, and someone in which vowed never to hurt those around me.
I try my best to do things to perfection, and i do not swear or physically abuse those around me. I do however give huge mental abuse to those around me. I make them all feel they are not good enough for me, and they are lower than me.
I have prayed many times to God for patience and understanding and for him to magically cure me from emotionally abusing my family. I don't want to anymore, but the words just come out before i think them through. I have prayed several hours for God to have the holy spirit come in me and take control. It seems he does'nt care about me though or is just lettin me go through a trial that is never ending. I prayed that he strengthen my marriage and make me have understanding and not say hurtful things. He has not magically helped me in any way.
It seems my life was doomed from the beginning. I have no where to turn even if God is not listening to me now. It seems as if i was meant to be hurt and beaten to a pulp for 35 years now. I can count on my hand the good things that happend to me....marrying my wife, not going to jail like my brother and holding a job, my son, getting another son and daughter thorough marriage....pretty much that is it. If i were to explain the bad i would be writing a novel......any advice .....or maybe even a prayer for me please.
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God will not always just go ahead and fix things. BUT....
HE will go through trials and tribulations with us. You may not always feel his presence due to anger, stress, confusion and so on. BUT, I can tell you he is there.
We are human and will make mistakes. One big mistake is trying to solve or resolve issues on our own. As humans, we want to be in control of all aspects of our lives. Unfortunately, when things go sour .. we end up seeking GOD to bail us out.
Learning to put GOD first in our lives and handing over our problems to him 100% is the hardest thing for some people to do. I know, Iam one of them.
It might help you to know that, when I go through some nasty things in life, I pick up the phone and call a pastor of a church and seek guidance. Most pastors even if you are not a member will talk and help you. THEY can give you scriptures to read that can ease your mind about certain things as well.
Don't feel alone, as you are never alone. We all have issues/problems in life.
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CHANGE.......act like Jesus instead of living like the devil....hold them in your arms, kiss them....I love you, but you are not real loveable now.....which might be the last thing they expect...which is why it might work....
if your must YELL, then yell at the floor, for the Lord has placed the enemy under your feet....remember,,,,, mark 11.23-4 ....psalm 118.5 ....ask for HELP!...go for walk, pray in holy spirit, talk with pastor, get some counseling....
kids come right after school have a 2 hour window, and at 7-9 they go to bed....
8.30-10 you and wife discuss the schedule for tommorrow, and 10- midnight is your time....then you get up and do it again and again....God willing....
some thing fun to break up monotony .....some hobby....some thing as a family....
make dishes, laundry, shopping a game....reward [piece of gum , minutes of tv or computer game for proper behavior ].....
be flexible enough not to get bent out of shape...God forgives as you forgive your wife and kids.......if you are pms, asking God to put you on hold, can you afford that?
I've been there , done that....mr mom, divorced, remarried , blended family , mr psycho....born again....change of heart....still some rough edges, but much better now....grand kids are all worth it ....be kinder to their parents....
Maybe a stress or anger management class would be good for you, not that you have boiling anger..but so that you can handle it the level it is at now and not get worst...and the stress class will help you to how to cope and handle stress effectively instead of bottling it or out lashing it at other people. Many times they offer these classes through community centers or your psychiatric department at your hospital. GB
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It would be interesting to have a playroom for children with beanbag seats, a television set and dvd player to watch their favourite children's program series, cartoon channel or DVD family movies such as Toy Story. Also toys, games and books to vary their interests and to keep them from being angry. You will have peace of mind knowing that the lounge is between you and your wife. Maybe buying walkie talkies from the electronic store can bring communication between you and them without leaving your rooms. A surveillance camera to see that the kids are acting safely on your TV by switching to AV channel on your remote control now and then. If the playroom is in the children's bedroom then room size might be a problem if it's small, so that means beds must be removed to give them more space to move around their growing young bodies. A discussion meeting each week between you, wife and kids to start a playroom project by coming up with ideas such as fundraising at school, church or shopping mall with a barbecue sasuage sizzle. Money results from ideas created in the mind where imagination is the key secret to survival where income can be scarce - the mind kickstarts into action.
__________________ I learn to accept Jesus Christ and our God the Father by default.
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"Offense" is something TAKEN. No one MAKES anyone feel anything. IF we are offended by something, we CHOSE to be offended by it...
But I think that OFTEN, people confuse discussion with fighting. Disagreeing is not personal, it is not an attack, it is not disrespectful or flaming, it is not offensive per se. It ONLY means, "I disagree." Nothing more. Nothing less. It suggests NO emotional response whatsoever.
NO ONE is mandated to agree with anyone.
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You need others to help you master this. A counselor, an accountability group, anger management, etc. You know all too well what this will do to your kids if your anger goes unchecked. Please get some help.
I have posted here before, and don't want to be "labled" but need some advice.......
Right now i when i get frustrated it turns to anger It seems whenever I am at home when the kids are too loud and i ask them to please be quiet and ask many times, my voice then turns to a shout. Or when the kids do something wrong or my wife does something in a way in which I would not do it, I am a HUGE smart butt. I will say things that deman them like......It does'nt take a rocket scientist to figure that out.....or....Are you serious, that is the best you can do?
I make my family feel like they are dumb or stupid. I am from a background where that is my only defense mechinism to get my frustrations out. My family physically abused me and i have been through some huge physical traumas as well as I have been sworn at and ridiculed to no end. I was always told i was not good enough no matter what the subject was. So i became someone that does everything to perfection, and someone in which vowed never to hurt those around me.
I try my best to do things to perfection, and i do not swear or physically abuse those around me. I do however give huge mental abuse to those around me. I make them all feel they are not good enough for me, and they are lower than me.
I have prayed many times to God for patience and understanding and for him to magically cure me from emotionally abusing my family. I don't want to anymore, but the words just come out before i think them through. I have prayed several hours for God to have the holy spirit come in me and take control. It seems he does'nt care about me though or is just lettin me go through a trial that is never ending. I prayed that he strengthen my marriage and make me have understanding and not say hurtful things. He has not magically helped me in any way.
It seems my life was doomed from the beginning. I have no where to turn even if God is not listening to me now. It seems as if i was meant to be hurt and beaten to a pulp for 35 years now. I can count on my hand the good things that happend to me....marrying my wife, not going to jail like my brother and holding a job, my son, getting another son and daughter thorough marriage....pretty much that is it. If i were to explain the bad i would be writing a novel......any advice .....or maybe even a prayer for me please.
I'm not a counselor, but I'm going to guess that you were raised in a less-than-healthy environment from a mental standpoint. Verbal abuse is very powerful and is quite common, unfortunately.
I also come from a background of verbal and emotional abuse. I have been working through my childhood for the past 2 years, and I'm just now getting a handle on it. And I've worked my butt off. What I've learned in the process is that the process isn't easy, not by a long shot. It's similar to the pain of losing a tooth- if you loosen it gradually, it will hurt over time until the tooth is out. Similarly, if we don't try to deal with our pain and avoid it or just treat the symptoms, it's going to continue to hurt. The losing of the tooth in that regard is when you die. If you just yank it, it's going to hurt. A lot. The pain will be intense, far more intense than if you don't deal with it. But afterwards, you're pain free.
Dealing with psychological issues are much the same way. Treating the symptom- the anger- will not do any good, you must deal with the heart of the problem. This is why I agree, see a counselor. I would also recommend the book How People Grow by Cloud and Townsend.
I've seen in my own family what happens when you don't face these things, my parents are shining examples. For the sake of your wife and kids and your friends, please deal with this now. It's not going to wait, it will only get worse.
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"Offense" is something TAKEN. No one MAKES anyone feel anything. IF we are offended by something, we CHOSE to be offended by it...
But I think that OFTEN, people confuse discussion with fighting. Disagreeing is not personal, it is not an attack, it is not disrespectful or flaming, it is not offensive per se. It ONLY means, "I disagree." Nothing more. Nothing less. It suggests NO emotional response whatsoever.
NO ONE is mandated to agree with anyone.
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It seems my life was doomed from the beginning. I have no where to turn even if God is not listening to me now. It seems as if i was meant to be hurt and beaten to a pulp for 35 years now.
Ouch, I know that. Pain has a purpose in life, though. Joy comes with pain, definitely.
But, your life is not "doomed from the beginning". You may think that sometimes, but don't. Get out of that. Believe the positive, reject the negative. God is love, we are imperfect.
If we seek, we find. We all have issues to seek on. It can be frustrating to deal with kids sometimes.
See what you are doing and simply stop. Be more liberal. Watch shows like "supernanny". Relax. Try and do something else when you start to feel stress or anger.
Just because someone is angry does not mean they are righteous. That can be a temptation with anger. Yell louder, you must be more right. But what does that do.
There's a place for anger, but it should be extremely rare.
Be willing to change up your lifestyle. Look to more comedy. Find some simple pleasures to engage in. Don't strip yourself bare and avoid basic pleasures.
Try and engage in activity which seems to have no meaning. Nothing really does. It is just love that imbues activity with meaning. Sailing, fishing, walking the dogs, games, television shows, whatever.
Point is the kids are not making 'do or die mistakes'. They are not being trained to be in the army where not following the slightest order might get them killed.
Also, look out for "micromanaging". I let my wife manage just about everything. And I put the eldest in charge otherwise. I give the older ones more responsibility. If they get into it with the younger ones, that is on their heads. I don't like telling people what to do. No reason to, once they do it all themselves. And what they do may be different from what you like.
One problem can be once they get into the yelling thing and you have fought fire with fire... can be hard to get out of.
But, when my daughter yells at me and calls me names, I sit there and take it. I may put her in her room or whatever. I don't sit there and yell back, almost never. Why? Because that shames her. She then is forced to think about her harsh words. Invariably she comes back later, really apologizes.
So, be creative. Break out of the mold. You were raised one way, had patterns... they don't work. Welcome to the club. Do different things and you can start new "habits".
It seems whenever I am at home when the kids are too loud and i ask them to please be quiet and ask many times, my voice then turns to a shout. Or when the kids do something wrong or my wife does something in a way in which I would not do it, I am a HUGE smart butt. I will say things that deman them like......It does'nt take a rocket scientist to figure that out.....or....Are you serious, that is the best you can do?
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