I need Help Please!! Frustration turning to anger!!

Hello Amped!

I know how you feel. It's so difficult to overcome issues from childhood and many people continue to repeat what was done to them.

It's sad to know that you and I couldn't help ourselves back then and we were vulnerable to the abuse and pain. Don't you wish you could be rescued?

What's happened to you was unfair and wrong and yet you have transferred the same emotions from your parents onto your family in the present. In a sense, you have taken on the demeaning parent and its a continual cycle of shame and condemnation.

I would recommend counseling and I suggest saying "it makes me feel frustrated when you don't know that," instead of something demeaning. Admittance of feelings is healthy and asking yourself, "why do I feel the need to demean?" might put things into perspective.

Amped, I know all too well childhood issues and as much as I wish they would disappear, I know I will struggle with them for the rest of my life. It's not fair, I dont like it and sometimes I hate it. However, if I don't accept it then I will be condemned to repeat it.

Praying for you to receive the strength, support, love, insight, and guidance that we all need! You are very special and I remember how you reached out to me when I went through a difficult time.

Hang in there!

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Good Read-"Spare the Child: The Religious Roots of Punishment and the Psychological Impact of Physical Abuse"
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Thank you very much Steelbred, freeport, Godschild, bliz, Quas, For, and others......

I went to my friends house Dave and he helped me a bit with what i am going through. I am taking antidepressents, and i just set myself up with a counseling appointment with my preacher.....

Some things i have learned from you all, is that i need to A) Love B) yell at the floor if all else fails C) Take it and don't respond if yelled at by the kids and act like Jesus did.

I know it seems easy to give advice, but to follow it takes on a whole new meaning. I really try hard to package away (and feel successful) my hurts from the past. Some things i went through are pretty much the worst you can imagine. And had to go through them several times. But somehow i had a strong mind and decided to be the opposite of what they did to me. I made one flaw which was turn myself into a smart butt to relect whatever i am getting back on to whomever is giving it to me. I know i have to control the anger. (Sounds like a sequel from the Incredible Hulk) Which sometimes i feel I am David Banner and just the slightest thing and i start to rage.

I wonder where God fits in to all of this. Is he REALLY here for me. If i am not afraid of death itself how can i be afraid of God. Do i believe in God and have i got saved? Yes. But it seems the harder i pray the more God becomes deaf to my pleas. Why for 35 years would he let me keep dealing with pain and agony when all i am asking for is patience, calm temper and understanding. It isn't like i am asking for a Lamborghini. I sometimes now question since God is all knowing has he just left me here to suffer, and since he already knows who is going to heaven, he forgets about me and not answers my pleas.

Steelbred, I hope i did help you and glad if i were any assitance. You were going through some rough times and am glad i was a tiny spark in your life in which made you a little better. Thank you for the comment.

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Read James 1, Psalm 139, Proverbs 3, and 1 John (the whole thing, but especially ch. 1 vs. 9). Those are all good chapters. God does hear you, even if it doesn't seem like it. He's not going to wave a wand and make everything go away. The entire reason I'm good with kids now and can relate to them is because of what I went through AS a kid. God will similarly use the experience of dealing with your past to help other people. You might be surprised to know I'm only 22.

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Pain is a part of life. Shows our strength. We shouldn't pray that bad things don't happen, but that we are given the strength to handle them. (Paraphrasing two famous people I will keep anonymous to avoid offending people.)

No tough times, no troubles... no plot. Nothing for you to conquer. God doesn't hand hold us. He gives us the ability to conquer problems. In this case, it means counseling, diligent personal work and practice of principles, and consulting anonymous strangers online... and trusting their advice because you sense the good reasoning behind them.

Anger is a hard thing to deal with. A lot of godly people are very willful. Will can accomplish a lot, but has to be directed... directing a small hose is no problem. Directing a powerful hose can take some getting used to.

Sometimes the answers God gives us are right before us... and just take some time getting used to.

BUt you have to have faith... and do know even if you do not, you can always have faith in persistence.

Things always do get better. Whether or not struggles ever really go away...

Without bottoms, there are no tops... no backs, no fronts.

Praying that God will take away the pain doesn't work, because those experiences are retained within your memories and emotions and have also impacted your spirit. So, it's great that you try to move on and get on with your life. But that horrible past needs to be reframed, and that's where the insights and support of an experienced person can be so helpful.

So, locking some parts of your life away can act against you becoming the person you want to be.

John
NZ

If you guys want to know, I have an update:

Yesterday I went to church to help out with sound and visual equipment. I am thinking if I donate my time to the church, in some way maybe God will be pleased with me and be more willing to help me out because i am showing him my love and thankfulness that he died on the cross for me.

I had a good talk with my wife, and a lot of things are smoothed or rounded a bit. I have a long way to go before I can say i have "changed" but i do believe i can change. I told my best friend Dave that i don't know if there is really a God even tho i had prayed a prayer for salvation and truly believed God existed. I was just doubting myself at the time i suppose, but i truly do believe in God....I just wish that he would help me just a little bit. I am 35 and believe i have went through enough agony for 2 life times.

Anyways., thank you everyone for your responsed and kind words. I at times come back to the forums and re-read each piece of advice i was given from each poster. Thank you for your time and efforts everyone....... Take Care..Abe

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My friend Stacy, (wife of my best friend Dave),

Gave me a book called crazy love. I layed it down for 3 days and after picking it up today....somehow, someway, I feel my very life changing before my eyes. I use the website the book suggests and watched the videos at www.crazylovebook.com .

I see things going up for me as I am typing this and just wanted to share with you all.

Thank You.

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I also liked what Quasicenntenial had to say... (I didn't read the other posts, usually there is a lot of good stuff)... but the point can be with kids...

I see some parents get very strong in the creation of arbitrary rules. And the rules are the real problem, not their anger. They get angry when these rules cause the kids to try and deal with boredom... or when they reject them because they do not have a good reason for them.

For instance, limitations on tv and video games can mean the kids will go wild and otherwise get into trouble when they otherwise would have been sitting quietly for long periods of time. This may seem reasonable on the surface because many think it is unnatural or evil for kids to engage in these activities. But they really are not evil and it only causes the parents to be forced to spend more time managing the kids then they need to be.

We are naturally consumers of information and game players. We in live in a world where our kids don't have to work the fields. They are expected to think.

Rules like "no food in XYZ room", great. Does that really help?

Rules I care about tend to be very, very simple: do not lie, do not cheat, do not attack each other, and control your anger.

Show everyone respect.

These rules all have very good, well thought out reasons behind them. They are enough. There is not any reason for much of anything more.

No reason to make one's own life harder, either.

I do not care if the kids jump around or even perform stunts. And sometimes they will hurt themselves. But they need physical activity as well. This can freak out some people.


This can seem radical to people who really want a lot of rules. But if you have a single rule you can not really explain to them, there is a reason for it: it really doesn't have a good reason behind it.


Also consider that screaming at the wife and kids is about the worst thing of all one can do. So one should excise what they think they know and change at any cost. Otherwise, they will react the exact same way back. Already, one has to try and reverse that trend.


You also do not need to respond to every slight and insult. Not at all. Kids even know right from wrong at that level. Let them be angry. If you act right and responsibly and take their verbal strikes... they will feel horrible about it and sooner - rather then later - genuinely come back and apologize.


Getting into an insult match with your kids is completely contradictory to any good aim. It merely confirms their behavior is "right". It isn't.

I gave you a king in My anger And took him away in My wrath. Hosea 13:11

God knows how you feel.

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God knows anger, but is slow to anger. Usually we do not see God's anger even if we are very bad for He turns the other cheek.

Many people have anger problems. They know it. It is a very difficult problem to overcome.