As of the year 2009 the most watched and successful movie of all time is TITANIC. One of the most moving scenes was when after the Titanic had sunk and the two main characters were in the water. The male star Jack, played by Leonardo Dicaprio, and the female star Rose were in the cold water. Jack had a small flotation device and he put Rose on the float as he hung on to the side. After some time Jack became too weak, let go and drowned and Rose was eventually rescued. The message was clear and powerful; Jack had given his life so that Rose, the love of his life, could live. By the way, the type of love that was portrayed in the movie has been taught by the Bible for hundreds of years.
American Popular culture loved this movie more than any other. However, do American people apply the principle of this powerful action, love so powerful that it results in giving one’s life for another? I do not know any that do. Besides this principle which I will call HLP (highest Love Principle) is such a high ideal type love that we don’t want to critizize anyone for not achieving this standard because very few if any of us achieve it.
But what standard do we apply? In my observation some of the American standards, I call them the “THEY STANDARDS” are mostly applied and some of them are:
They have a positive affect on my romantic desires They are exciting They are funny They are important They are rich They are emotionally stimulating They are physically stimulating They make me feel worthy They make me feel attractive They feed my pride They provide the material needs that are necessary for living They provide the materials wants that I have
In other words we look for something that satisfies one or more of our needs or at least does not have any adverse affect on us.
Actually in the first few years of the relationship you may even have one or both partners actually wanting to please the other even if it costs one partner something. With many, after several years, the newness wears off, the strain of real life starts to set in, and many look again for one or more of the THEY STANDARDS. At the minimum we look for a relationship that does not have an adverse affect on us. As the years go on the THEY STANDARDS become less and less fulfilled in the relationship. I believe that is the cycle that is one significant contributor to fractured relationships and the high divorce rate in America.
But most of us fall into that cycle so how can that cycle be improved to reduce divorce and fractured relationships?
If we take information from the Bible and add it to our definition of love and act upon it, I assert that it can make a significant difference. What definition and what actions? Well just about everybody that has studied the Bible and did a study on Love will know about 1st Corinthians Chapter 13 which is reprinted in part below
KJV 4Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, 5Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; 6Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; 7Bearethall things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. 8Charity never faileth:
Can all of those be achieved? I do not think so if we are going to continue to adhere to just the American Culture’s emphasis on love. I have bolded suffereth long, seeketh not her own, hopeth all things, and endureth all things because I think they are the ones most lacking in the emphsis on love in American Culture. I want to ask you a few questions:
1. How much do you think that the American Culture emphasizes those in bold?
2. Do you think that the definition of love is set too high in 1St Corinthians?
3. Do you think that applying those in bold is possible?
4. If you think that it is not too high then how can we apply those in bold?
5. Do you think that applying those in bold would make a significant difference in long term relationships in America?
You make love sound way to complicated. All this jibber-jabber on standards and principles and biblical this and that. I love my hubby and look after my family. End of story.
You make love sound way to complicated. All this jibber-jabber on standards and principles and biblical this and that. I love my hubby and look after my family. End of story.
lol - I agree
I love my wife as well, it's pretty simple.
I think what the OP meant, is love giving or taking or both? Let's face it, True Love has to be giving and only giving, like Christ, but society teaches a different story. Don't get me wrong, nothing wrong with getting something return, but expecting it would be going to far. Just love without limit I say, and if you get it back, all the better, it's what Christ did after all
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God is Good!
"The church is not an infirmary where we limp along in unbelief hoping the rapture will come soon to take us away from this miserable defeat. The Church is a military outpost under orders to storm the gates of hell!"
From Neil T Anderson's "Victory over the darkness"
I think what the OP meant, is love giving or taking or both? Let's face it, True Love has to be giving and only giving, like Christ, but society teaches a different story. Don't get me wrong, nothing wrong with getting something return, but expecting it would be going to far. Just love without limit I say, and if you get it back, all the better, it's what Christ did after all
I disagree, but only mildly. Perhaps not at all but I feel disquieted about an aspect of that idea. While Christ is man and divine & can be an endless well of love . . . humans (non-divine) in the marriage relationship are merely human. Ours is to strive to be an endless well of love for our spouse, the being isn't nearly as important as the trying to be. Just a nuance thing, really, I guess.
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Crime is contagious. If the government becomes a lawbreaker, it breeds contempt for law; it invites every man to become a law unto himself; it invites anarchy .” Olmstead v. U.S., 277 U.S. 438
Not to avoid answering the specific questions directly, I'll do that later or tomorrow when I have more time, but I do have a general thought.
Here is America we have a huge abundance of everything. A huge chunk of what we consider needs would be wants that are so far out of reach that most people on the planet wouldn't even dare to dream about having them. This abundance can cause a sense of entitlement which I believe extends deeply into our love relationships at times. So I do believe there is a tendency to approach a love relationship from a "what's in it for me" standpoint rather than from a "what can I do for them" standpoint.
If we didn't want something from our marriage...we could all sign off on arranged marriages. Of course we want something....of course we want someone that meets a lot of emotional and spiritual and physical needs. otherwise, why not marry the first person you see? what would be the point in dating if you really only needed to worry about giving?
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Do justice, love kindness and walk humbly with your God
The last temptation that's the greatest treason, is to do the right deed for the wrong reason. T.S. Eliot
If we didn't want something from our marriage...we could all sign off on arranged marriages. Of course we want something....of course we want someone that meets a lot of emotional and spiritual and physical needs. otherwise, why not marry the first person you see? what would be the point in dating if you really only needed to worry about giving?
There's nothing wrong with wanting something out of your marriage, but the problem I was getting at was more one of making that the main focus. I wasn't terribly clear I guess.
I disagree, but only mildly. Perhaps not at all but I feel disquieted about an aspect of that idea. While Christ is man and divine & can be an endless well of love . . . humans (non-divine) in the marriage relationship are merely human. Ours is to strive to be an endless well of love for our spouse, the being isn't nearly as important as the trying to be. Just a nuance thing, really, I guess.
We agree on this actually
We're faulty because of sin, so we can only strive to be perfect and only in Christ can we even hope to love properly, but the end goal is to be like Christ. I think though, that through Christ, we can end up going a lot further in this love than most people think. Just a thought
__________________
God is Good!
"The church is not an infirmary where we limp along in unbelief hoping the rapture will come soon to take us away from this miserable defeat. The Church is a military outpost under orders to storm the gates of hell!"
From Neil T Anderson's "Victory over the darkness"
If we didn't want something from our marriage...we could all sign off on arranged marriages. Of course we want something....of course we want someone that meets a lot of emotional and spiritual and physical needs. otherwise, why not marry the first person you see? what would be the point in dating if you really only needed to worry about giving?
Hoping for is one thing, but marrying based on having those hopes fulfilled is erroneous I think. Just an opinion of course.
I think a lot of people will marry based on their hopes being best met by the person they dated, then disillusionment takes those hopes turned expectations and flips em all upside down. Fact being, if God isn't the one who makes the choice of your spouse (being first or 50th person you date) then you'll be in for a rude awakening
Just a question of making sure that A) God is leading, B) Hopes/wants don't become expectations or so called "deal breakers"
But in the end, if your marriage is entirely a giving relationship, then your guiding light shouldn't be the wants but God Himself, the One who REALLY knows what we need, and who we should marry.
__________________
God is Good!
"The church is not an infirmary where we limp along in unbelief hoping the rapture will come soon to take us away from this miserable defeat. The Church is a military outpost under orders to storm the gates of hell!"
From Neil T Anderson's "Victory over the darkness"
I will be the first to agree that a large part of a healthy and happy marriage is giving of yourself to another. And it's vital to be able to love your spouse even when they are being wholly unlovable and not reciprocal. HOWEVER...the notion that we should expect nothing in return is something I can't get behind. At the very least we expect loyalty..for most, monogamy...safety...plenty of other things that I know I absolutely want in return.
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Do justice, love kindness and walk humbly with your God
The last temptation that's the greatest treason, is to do the right deed for the wrong reason. T.S. Eliot
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