Remembering that your spouse is your best friend

There was a stage my hubby and I went through, not so long ago, where we were bickering about everything!
Someone would say something and the other would pounce on it. And a big 'ol ugly argument would erupt from one tiny dumb comment.

I'm sure we've all been there before.

It got to a point where we had just finished and apologized for our latest argument, and we looked at eachother and wondered why we were behaving that way.

Lots of reasons sprang to mind:
- Unemployment
- Money
- Lonliness of having no family/friends in a new, big city
- Sexual frustration on both sides (agruing effectivly killed all sexy moods)
- Stress
- Worry

We made a whole list as to why we were treating eachother horribly. None of which was actually personal.

Finally, after many tears on my part (I'm a huge crier. It's embaressing) I told him that he was not only my husband, but my best friend.
The person I want to be around the most, play with, have fun with and confide in.
Remembering that really saved us. For a good month and a half it was horrible, but as soon as I started treating him like my friend again - the change happened almost overnight.

My best friend wouldn't hurt me intentionally, and visa versa.
If he said something that offended me, I should probably ask him to explain it more, before assuming he was trying to hurt me and jumping all over it.

Having come through that though has made us stronger than ever.

A hard lesson learned, but I'm glad I can still say I'm married to my best friend.

- Niff

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Hi Nif,

Thanks for your post.
Actually came at the right moment for me because we just had a couple of days of it now.
The reason I do not really know but like you I am a big crier and yesterday there were a lot of tears flowing there. Just did not know what to do really. He had to go off to work in the afternoon which left me here at home and I was so very sad! Gosh I never knew one could cry so much!!
This morning he gave me (very early) a lift into town to get to work because it was such horrible weather (which was very sweet) and we talked a bit in the car. We talked a few times over the phone. I was working in the morning and he is working in the evening today so we won't see eachother a lot today.
When I came home he had a lovely dinner prepared for me and I had bought him a little present in town. I think doing little things like that for each other is good.
Like you said, it is so important to remember that we married because our relationship grew bigger from friendship and because we love each other so very much.
We are both in jobs which are emotionally quite tough and I think that the routine of work and busy lives is sometimes changing the focus.
Your post actually helped me a bit .
It sometimes good to know that other people are going through the same thing.

God bless,

Emmy

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It's funny you brought this up because I was thinking of starting a new thread about marrying your best friend. This is a little bit different from what you are saying here, but my husband and I were terrific friends for a long time, completely platonic with no thought of anything romantic whatsoever. About ten years after we met, we did end up falling in love and now we've been married for six years, so it can happen. But it's really cool because in addition to being spouses and all the great stuff that goes along with that, we also LIKE each other and know each other inside and out. I wish everybody could marry their best friend (of the opposite sex, of course!)

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In memory of Sean.
We'll always love you.
We'll always miss you.
We'll never forget.

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You are everything I never knew
I always wanted.....

Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence? If I ascend into heaven, You are there; If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there. If i take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there Your hand shall lead me, And Your right hand shall hold me. Psalm 139:7-10

Niffer,
you are absolutely right here.

spouses should remian best friends through thick and thin. sometimes this love is confronting, and other times supporting and other times comfortable. Each should have the best interest of the other in mind. Laugh together, cry together, support each other through good times and bad.
it all comes back to genuine love

It's tough to remember to ... attack the problem not the person.

When we feel over loaded with one problem after another, it's easy to argue with the one standing next to you.

You could say .. all hell brakes loose.

With the economy the way it is to NO jobs all over the place, it's real hurtful sad times in this world.

I just saw where Depression was the number one reason for people going to the doctors for help. One Emergency Room on CNN was doing a bit about an increase of people coming to the ER looking for help on depression.

SAD TIMES and unfortunately I don't see it getting much better in the months to come.

I just know that GOD will see us thru this some how and if we all band together as People in Christ should, he might answer us more quickly.

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Sometimes she is my best friend and sometimes she is the enemy!

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"give me a kiss to build a dream on and my imagination will thrive upon that kiss... sweetheart I ask no more than this... a kiss to build a dream on"

Niffer, thanks for bringing this up. My wife is my best friend too. And I like to think I'm hers.

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My legs get to spazzing out every night when I lay down, sudden shooting pains, itches, and uncontrollable twitches. They drive me and my wife nuts and she will trap my legs. When she lets go, they start up again. Such fun for about 45 minutes.
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Niff, thanks for the reminder. You're right, we should all remember that we are married to our best friends... I know that I am. And I also married my best friend (well, my best MALE friend)... and am glad that I did. I've known him since October 2004 (we met here at CF ) and were friends for awhile, getting closer and closer, then we got engaged, then after 2 years of being engaged, we got married. And he has remained my best friend through thick and thin... he is an amazing man. God truly has blessed us. And I know that I am his best friend; he has difficulty getting close to many people and I am the person to whom he is the closest - what a gift!!

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Hi, Niffer! Thanks for the beautiful post and the reminder.
I actually had a small story I wanted to share because it really defined this for me.
My husband and I recently had a disagreement, and because it was something he felt passionate about, my husband was quickly defensive and said some things that really hurt (if you heard them you would probably think I'm crazy, but we all have our buttons). Since we have always walked away when things got to heated (so we can come back a little less fueled for attack), I left the room, and a few minutes later, my husband found me crying in our bedroom and just held me until I had finished. Even though he was really angry at me and I was really hurt by him, we found each other moments later crying in each others arms.
It's nice to be married to my best friend. When my husband makes me angry or sad, my best friend is RIGHT there to comfort me.