my life has the potential of spiraling down the drain..

trentlogain2 · #1 31st October 2009, 10:30 PM

...in the near future. before I begin with my problem, i want to tell you guys something. i sit here with hateful thoughts going through my mind. the majority of them i keep to myself. then unfortunately some come out and get posted. I find myself asking God to continually forgive me for these spiteful and nasty thoughts. the only thing i have going for me is the promise that a.) is a faithful a just to forgive..b.) to cleanse me from all unrighteousness

sometimes that second part doesn't seem like it's working, but it's a long haul and requires a lot of patience. anyway, it seems that right when my sinful thoughts and inclinations reach a plateau, you guys keep responding to each other in such loving manners that it humbles me and causes me to rethink what im doing here. i just want to thank you for that.
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now on to my dilemma..i'm a beneficiary of a state funded program that gives me a check and free insurance. you can call it welfare because that's what it basically is. i have a disorder called schizophrenia, and i take medication for it. i've been on this SSI for around 3 or 4 years now. recently i received a letter saying they are going to redetermine my case and evaluate whether or not i'm still qualified to receive benefits. they sent me a list of questions but I've decided to not reply with it, and let them use the information they already have on me. the thing is if they decide to cut me off that means my health insurance will probably go with it. the future looks dreary right now if im without my medication. without the insurance the medicine costs over 100 dollars for just 30 pills. i couldnt afford to buy it. right now i have a job but there's no telling how long that's going to last. there are bills to pay, but God is control. i have to say that to end this post. that's really the only hope i have. He has been faithful through it all. just please pray that I will be faithful to Him. That's all that I really ask for.

Oddish · #2 31st October 2009, 10:35 PM

Oh sorry to hear that Trent. I can't believe that the medication you need costs so much! That is awful . I will definately pray for you. God will always be there for you

SmileAndAHandshake · #3 31st October 2009, 11:02 PM

Are you sure it is wise not to answer their questions? I fear they might cancel your benefits for being combative about providing up to date information on request, though granted I don't know precisely how it all works. I do know, though, that refusing to do things for official business is rarely a good idea.

If all you have to provide them is the same information, you might be better off just writing it all down again and giving it to them. At least they will see that nothing has changed. By not submitting anything, perhaps they will see it as you not wanting to divulge an improvement in your condition.

I really have no other advise... I have Agoraphobia that is somewhat high-functioning. I've been on disability for a short while a long time ago (about 8 years now it's been) when I was a shut-in and unable to work, but reassessment was common and expected, as health conditions can improve. I know that if I had have been combative about reassessment though, it would have looked very, very bad for me.

It's best not to view it as a them-against-you situation (if nothing else but for your own sanity), but rather they are doing what is mandated of them. They must re-assess people on this kind of assistance, whether it be mental health or physical health, because people do improve, and some people? When they improve, will not report it. They will simply leech off the system.

It is those bad individuals who create a situation like this. People cannot be trusted, and therefor you must suffer because of that, and I'm sorry.

But if there is truly no reason to cancel your benefits, then you should do all you can to prove that nothing has improved and that you are still in need of the assistance.

smacarena · #4 31st October 2009, 11:28 PM

Man, I'm sorry to hear about this. I've dealt with depression, and I considered that to be a handful. It just sickens me the way society deals with mental illness.

You have my prayers, bro.

Revived · #5 1st November 2009, 12:29 AM

Trent,

I wanna get real with you bro. You, my friend, are a wonderfully created man of God. I realize you have heard all this before but just hang in here with me. You were created to have an abundant life, to live in joy (not constant happiness but the joy of our Lord)...to live unto the glory of God and to love who you were created to be.

I'm not speaking from experience but simply what i know to be true about God. The thoughts may seem like an endless battle but believe me there is hope in it all. I am thankful that you have put this out there and confided in your brothers and sisters because you are finding that you are not alone. You are reaching out and gaining additional sources to give you perspective looking in at the situation. So often, we cannot see past ourselves if someone doesn't help us with encouraging words and personal testimonies. You may feel that you are lost...we all do at times. It may seem there is no way out...BUT THERE IS. You may think there is no end to these thoughts...BUT THERE IS.

Think about this. You are literally made in the image of God. I want you to know that you are loved, to believe that you are HIS workmanship and to believe that when He tells you in His word that there is hope, there is HOPE.

I heard a message recently that said our minds are like a tape recorder...they play only the things we choose. I pray that you ask the Lord to heal you from this rewind mode and looking at the past. I pray that you look toward the future in anticipation and expectation that God is preparing something great in your life...even on days it may seem unnoticed, He will be working.

2 Corinthians 10:5 says "We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." You are usable, you are lacking nothing and you are God's fingerprints. I promise you that as you begin to look to these truths each time a negative or hateful thought enters, your life will begin to change, your relationships will flourish and your perspective will be forever changed.

Bro I will be praying for you and this dilemma. I believe the Lord will lift you and breathe new life into you. He will will bring you strength and guard your mind. When you have a moment, I'd like to ask that you sit down and read Psalm 139. Pray the scripture and ask God to open your eyes to this truth.

Please also know that I am here for ya if you need to talk as a brother in Christ. Just continue to be open and confide in people of God. Through this, prayer, and daily reading of the word, you will find yourself free of all this before you know it.

Grace & Peace

BarelyBreathing · #6 1st November 2009, 12:29 AM

LadyL · #7 1st November 2009, 01:25 AM

Trent, I know what it feels like when things get strange because I struggle with OCD as well. But I'm finding that the only thing to do is trust God.

*hugs* to you and will pray.

peacemaker19800 · #8 5th November 2009, 02:45 AM

Originally Posted by trentlogain2

...in the near future. before I begin with my problem, i want to tell you guys something. i sit here with hateful thoughts going through my mind. the majority of them i keep to myself. then unfortunately some come out and get posted. I find myself asking God to continually forgive me for these spiteful and nasty thoughts. the only thing i have going for me is the promise that a.) is a faithful a just to forgive..b.) to cleanse me from all unrighteousness

sometimes that second part doesn't seem like it's working, but it's a long haul and requires a lot of patience. anyway, it seems that right when my sinful thoughts and inclinations reach a plateau, you guys keep responding to each other in such loving manners that it humbles me and causes me to rethink what im doing here. i just want to thank you for that.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
now on to my dilemma..i'm a beneficiary of a state funded program that gives me a check and free insurance. you can call it welfare because that's what it basically is. i have a disorder called schizophrenia, and i take medication for it. i've been on this SSI for around 3 or 4 years now. recently i received a letter saying they are going to redetermine my case and evaluate whether or not i'm still qualified to receive benefits. they sent me a list of questions but I've decided to not reply with it, and let them use the information they already have on me. the thing is if they decide to cut me off that means my health insurance will probably go with it. the future looks dreary right now if im without my medication. without the insurance the medicine costs over 100 dollars for just 30 pills. i couldnt afford to buy it. right now i have a job but there's no telling how long that's going to last. there are bills to pay, but God is control. i have to say that to end this post. that's really the only hope i have. He has been faithful through it all. just please pray that I will be faithful to Him. That's all that I really ask for.

So if I understand this correctly you recieve disability? If so, they do NOT PLAY AROUND....UNFORTUNATELY,if you do NOT comply with their requests (not filing out your paer work) they will throw you under the bus...literally. I know you are upset, but they need this paperwork to "reevaluate" you. This does not mean they are going to cut your benefits...it's just something they need. Now, if they do cut you off after you've sent the proper paper work..that's when you get a disability attorney. My dad is disable so I know from experience..My mom got an attorney and he won!! Just take a deep breathe and fill outthe paper work. SSI can be your friend or foe...You just have to stay on top of things..Sometimes i will admit they are very wishy washy, but you have to do your part. According to what you posted you NEED THEM. Right now they are your sole provider...now wouldn't be a god time to have the attitude.."they can work with the info they already have"...You're just making hard for yourself. Trust me, send in the papers...I have seen SSI take people with cancer, fibromyalgia and other health complications OFF DISABILITY! They didn't stop there, because they (SSI) decided these individuals were not "sick" enough they made them pay back the state for like 6 months of claims they recieved... So don't throw a tantrum..You are disabled..it can be proved..Even if you have to go get reevaluated by a psychiatrist at least you will have verification to submit to SSI. Good luck. Keep us posted..

peacemaker19800 · #9 5th November 2009, 02:59 AM

Originally Posted by smacarena

Man, I'm sorry to hear about this. I've dealt with depression, and I considered that to be a handful. It just sickens me the way society deals with mental illness.

You have my prayers, bro.

I know...They act as if it's your fault..they don't understand mentally ill individuals would give anything (i'm sure) to be void of their illness.

peacemaker19800 · #10 5th November 2009, 03:06 AM

Originally Posted by trentlogain2

...in the near future. before I begin with my problem, i want to tell you guys something. i sit here with hateful thoughts going through my mind. the majority of them i keep to myself. then unfortunately some come out and get posted. I find myself asking God to continually forgive me for these spiteful and nasty thoughts. the only thing i have going for me is the promise that a.) is a faithful a just to forgive..b.) to cleanse me from all unrighteousness

sometimes that second part doesn't seem like it's working, but it's a long haul and requires a lot of patience. anyway, it seems that right when my sinful thoughts and inclinations reach a plateau, you guys keep responding to each other in such loving manners that it humbles me and causes me to rethink what im doing here. i just want to thank you for that.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
now on to my dilemma..i'm a beneficiary of a state funded program that gives me a check and free insurance. you can call it welfare because that's what it basically is. i have a disorder called schizophrenia, and i take medication for it. i've been on this SSI for around 3 or 4 years now. recently i received a letter saying they are going to redetermine my case and evaluate whether or not i'm still qualified to receive benefits. they sent me a list of questions but I've decided to not reply with it, and let them use the information they already have on me. the thing is if they decide to cut me off that means my health insurance will probably go with it. the future looks dreary right now if im without my medication. without the insurance the medicine costs over 100 dollars for just 30 pills. i couldnt afford to buy it. right now i have a job but there's no telling how long that's going to last. there are bills to pay, but God is control. i have to say that to end this post. that's really the only hope i have. He has been faithful through it all. just please pray that I will be faithful to Him. That's all that I really ask for.

Bythe way..your life is not going to spiral down the drain..You will be alright. We are all prayng for you. We are here if you need us..
If they do cut yourbenefis...I am sure we can gather at least 100 people in CF that can donate a $1. Then you will have funds to purchase your med's. It is my belief that God will work things out for you.

Take Care and stop worrying...things will be alright.