“A woman’s heart should be so hidden in Christ, that a man should have to seek Him first to find her.” Maya Angelou
So true! I think you're already doing a pretty good job of this, though - at least from what I know of you here on CF.
please know that only you can reflect on your life in a truly accurate way; notice patterns and why certain relationships ended or began in the first place. Life is full of learning curves.
Dove gave you some very sage advice, too.
It sounds like you know the "triggers" for what makes you start to freak out about a possible relationship. Understanding what causes you to be drawn to those types of guys is important, as well. Praying for God to work in that area of your life will produce results - maybe slowly/over time or maybe quickly b/c you're ready for the growth and just haven't realized it yet.
Each relationship is, indeed, a learning experience for us. Even if it's just a handful of conversations - or maybe a handful of dates. If there are things that trouble or worry you - pray over them and ask God to guide you.
I can tell you that I put a ridiculous amount of prayer into the beginning stages of my relationship with J. I was so gun-shy about dating b/c my picker is obviously broken and my track record for lousy choices in dates was embarrassing. I had no choice but to pray about it - and I kept getting a nudge in response. "Give him a chance. This one's different." I'm really glad I listened to the nudge.
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"My philosophy of dating is to just fart right away." ~ Jenny McCarthy
My sentiments exactly!
That's awesome.
Originally Posted by stephanieamber
Yeah, kind of. I did a lot of thinking today about how I don't want any sort of attention like that unless it's from the person I marry.. and I know that sucks because how do you know that unless you go through all of that. But I don't want to be responsible for someone else's heart unless it's something that is legit, you know?? I dunno. sigh.
I remember going through all that a year and a half ago. I was scared to death getting into a relationship. Not just scared of being hurt but scared of the power I had to hurt someone else. I was also terrified of being vulnerable. I remember having a couple of discussions with my boyfriend not long after we started dating where I was literally shaking because I didn't want to open myself up. But vulnerability is a very important factor in close relationships because it allows us to bond and also reveals whether or not we are compatible with other people.
Originally Posted by BeyondAshes
Life is a risk. Every time we do anything involves some kind of risk. We could all die tomorrow from something incredibly random (aren't I the optimist ) and nothing is gonna stop it if that's what happens. So there's no point in wasting the time that we have -- no sense pacing in circles in life wondering about what's gonna happen next (this coming from the Agoraphobic individual -- don't get me wrong, I have my own issues, I'll never claim otherwise).
My point? If you never give anyone the time of day, you'll never get married. You don't want to get hurt, you don't want others to get hurt, yeah that's all fine and dandy... but in our world, people get hurt. Situations get messy. Dating is a risk. Marriage is a risk. Getting out of bed every morning is a risk. Life is a risk.
If we don't take risks, we don't live. If you want to get married, you'll have to come to terms with stepping outside of your comfort zone eventually. It can be messy, it can be painful.
But it can also be wonderful. So it's either worth the risk? Or it isn't. Nothing in between.
Sorry if this didn't come out all "kind and gentle" like everyone wants advice to be, but I suppose that's not my style
This is a great post. I have to echo it. For me, in all my fears of dating and of opening up, this is the point I had to reach. Every time I got scared I would have to remind myself that I was faced with a decision of whether or not I was willing to risk it. And now I am so incredibly thankful that I kept saying yes and kept making those steps to conquer my fears. I'll pray for you as you go through this and that you would also make the right decision.
Would you be willing to share what ways you are worried this guy might be too emotional? It's kind of unclear what specifically he is doing that makes you uneasy. What do you like about him?
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Over the past few days I have thought a lot about this, and I was thinking about other boys and stuff...
and I think it's just that the thought of dating someone I don't know is what really bothers me. I want to be friends with someone and then go from there.. that doesn't scare/bother/worry/make me sick at all.
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stephanie
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Over the past few days I have thought a lot about this, and I was thinking about other boys and stuff...
and I think it's just that the thought of dating someone I don't know is what really bothers me. I want to be friends with someone and then go from there.. that doesn't scare/bother/worry/make me sick at all.
Exactly what I need to do too.
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i can understand a bit. Personally I'm just in a place where i just need guys who are friends and nothing more. I think its really sweet and really flattering when they tell me they're attracted to me or act like they're attracted to me, but at the same time i don't want them wasting their time on me when I know they could do so much better than me. And i don't say that in a self-deprecating way - its just if i'm not in a place where i can offer anything more than friendship to someone, then they're better off looking elsewhere.
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L'Eternel est ma force
Le sujet de mes louanges
C'est Lui qui m'a sauvé
Je Le célébrerai
-Luc Dumont
and I think it's just that the thought of dating someone I don't know is what really bothers me. I want to be friends with someone and then go from there.. that doesn't scare/bother/worry/make me sick at all.
I don't think I can do it any other way than that (right now).
So true! I think you're already doing a pretty good job of this, though - at least from what I know of you here on CF.
) and nothing is gonna stop it if that's what happens. So there's no point in wasting the time that we have -- no sense pacing in circles in life wondering about what's gonna happen next (this coming from the Agoraphobic individual -- don't get me wrong, I have my own issues, I'll never claim otherwise).
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