the thought of dating makes me want to vomit...

JonMiller · #21 1st November 2009, 02:55 PM

Then probably see a counselor, but don't date.

JM

GQ Chris · #22 1st November 2009, 07:03 PM

white dove · #23 1st November 2009, 08:03 PM

Stephers, you know I love you (or at the very least, that I've wanted to say it a couple times to you, minus any weirdo/creepzoid feelings on either side

). Anyhoo... please keep that in your heart as you read my post, ok, sweetheart?

I understand where you're coming from, even if it's not exactly from the same place.

Sometimes there are really good reasons for people being single; either things or people they have yet to let go from or lessons they have yet to learn/obstacles they have yet to overcome. I agree with this portion though:

Originally Posted by Sunset2009

The first thing that stood out to me was that you called him a "boy"... If he's anywhere near your age (24), he should be more like a man... also "stupid boy" is very high school freshman esque ...

I think you explained a bit why you choose to use the term "boy" and that's okay. But, even if you use it just for funsies... mentally, you're still placing it in your head that all you want is a boy. Does that make sense? You don't want to do that to yourself because you will end up getting a stunted guy (not physically, but mentally, emotionally and spiritually).

The latter portion of what I chose to quote, I feel, is also true. You have a very fun spirit, Steph and that is awesome. Don't lose that. Ever. Or I'm coming to get you!

I'm 30 and I'm still the same way.

But, even though "going back in time" in some ways is okay, staying there isn't.

I think a part of you might be afraid to make things real with someone else. You might be afraid to make those sacrifices, making yourself vulnerable and seeing someone else's vulnerabilities because that has not always been a good thing for you to witness. Or, a part of you might be afraid to grow up. Either way, please don't be.

If absolutely none of these things are true, please know that only you can reflect on your life in a truly accurate way; notice patterns and why certain relationships ended or began in the first place. Life is full of learning curves.

I should know. I keep hittin' 'em.

stephanieamber · #24 1st November 2009, 08:24 PM

dovesies I love you

deepgreen11 · #25 2nd November 2009, 12:23 AM

Also, i just wanted to throw this out there, and don't know how much it applies. If you're doing a lot of talking on the phone, it's really hard to stay superficial for long. However, if you get the chance to hang out in person, you can use shared experiences to bond. Unless you're talking about really superficial stuff and really random things, superficial is hard to do if a lot of time is spent. Maybe spending less time on the phone with him is better? Or having some kind of agenda?
Just a thought.
A good friend and I have been bonding for awhile. at first, it was pretty superficial. However, we have had a lot of shared experiences. Now, we're really open and the exchange of info equal and honest. Trust is strong. We know when to tell each other to back off. He knows my strengths and what makes me want to hide, and I know his ways, too. I love the way it went because it started out slowly which allowed me to feel very safe. We talk about a lot of things...the superficial things, our shared experiences, prayer requests and good news, and deeper things like family illness and dealing with hard things. While we each separately have accountability partners, we do share a lot with one another. It is one of the best and well-built friendships I've had the privilege of having.
And I totally get what you been about a good foundation for dating relationships. I am being very careful about forming mine. I've made enough mistakes, like being that person who gave their heart...and I thought there was more to a friendship than what was, so I was hurt when I discovered it was a shallower friendship that I had allowed to go too deep because of conversations I allowed.
In short, I learned the value of guarding my heart the hard way. Hold onto your caution, but don't let it stifle something sound.

~Beauty_from_Pain~ · #26 2nd November 2009, 12:31 AM

Dating is hard because it makes us vulnerable. And after being in the situation of things not working over and over again, it can be scary to take the step of moving forward. I know that whenever it seems someone likes me then I get scared. And then I have to be careful not to mess it up and run. Lol. But if we never take the steps, we will never be in a relationship...if that's what we want.

Oh and Thunder Peel...what are you talking about? Holding hands and kissing is the bomb! LOL. Enough said.