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"Well Stephanie, what do you think your issue might be stemming from?"
LOL
My childhood. It alllllllllll always started there.
Originally Posted by Thunder Peel
Dating is gross. Holding hands and kissing? No thanks!
In all seriousness, I think I know what you're getting at. Any relationship requires a certain level of vulnerability from both sides and it can be uncomfortable for everyone involved. Are you talking about how you don't want to be the center of someone's attention? I've felt like that before but maybe I'm totally wrong on this one.
Oh no. I never said ANYTHING about holding hands and kissing.
Yeah, kind of. I did a lot of thinking today about how I don't want any sort of attention like that unless it's from the person I marry.. and I know that sucks because how do you know that unless you go through all of that. But I don't want to be responsible for someone else's heart unless it's something that is legit, you know?? I dunno. sigh.
Originally Posted by smacarena
OK, so this explains a lot from my other thread.
Originally Posted by trentlogain2
Blah.
I'm not a trained shrink or anything, but from the sound of who your dad was when you were younger, that might have something to do with why you are repulsed by men.
There's part of this that's true. My dad was a classic abuser.. he'd act out in fits of rage and then come back to my mom, sobbing and claiming he loved her blah blah blah. To me, I get nervous when boys are emotional. My pastor once tried to apologize for something he did that had really hurt my feelings, and he was near tears as he apologized and I stood up and walked away because I couldn't handle the anxiety.
Originally Posted by Sunset2009
The first thing that stood out to me was that you called him a "boy" lol. If he's anywhere near your age (24), he should be more like a man... also "stupid boy" is very high school freshman esque haha, so it just sounds like you need to find someone more mature who won't leave "stupid boy voicemails" lol. I know what you're getting at. You want something that goes a lot deeper than the floating hearts and the "Ahhhhh you're so beautiful, tell me it's official!" crap.
Oh no, everyone will be boys to me. I don't want to marry a man, I want to marry a boy. It is a small little vocab quirk that I stick to. In my head, a man is different than a boy. I don't want a man, I want a boy. haha. but yes to the latter sentiment, except I dont want it to be a romantic deeper, but more of a committed, in it to win it deeper.
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My childhood. It alllllllllll always started there.
"Parents they **** you up" - This Be The Verse by Philip Larkin
Yeah, kind of. I did a lot of thinking today about how I don't want any sort of attention like that unless it's from the person I marry.. and I know that sucks because how do you know that unless you go through all of that
Exactly, you need to give a guy a chance.
. But I don't want to be responsible for someone else's heart unless it's something that is legit, you know?? I dunno. sigh.
You can't know if it is legit till you try. Do you not trust yourself?
There's part of this that's true. My dad was a classic abuser.. he'd act out in fits of rage and then come back to my mom, sobbing and claiming he loved her blah blah blah. To me, I get nervous when boys are emotional. My pastor once tried to apologize for something he did that had really hurt my feelings, and he was near tears as he apologized and I stood up and walked away because I couldn't handle the anxiety.
That is understandable but you need to realise that sometimes the showing of emotions can be a good thing, everytime a guy gets emotional you must be linking that to your father in your sub conscious.
Oh no, everyone will be boys to me. I don't want to marry a man, I want to marry a boy. It is a small little vocab quirk that I stick to. In my head, a man is different than a boy. I don't want a man, I want a boy. haha. but yes to the latter sentiment, except I dont want it to be a romantic deeper, but more of a committed, in it to win it deeper.
Can you elaborate?
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"Parents they **** you up" - This Be The Verse by Philip Larkin
Exactly, you need to give a guy a chance.
You can't know if it is legit till you try. Do you not trust yourself? That is understandable but you need to realise that sometimes the showing of emotions can be a good thing, everytime a guy gets emotional you must be linking that to your father in your sub conscious.
Can you elaborate?
OK I am answering them all at once.
I trust myself, but just because I have good intentions doesn't mean people won't get hurt. I don't even want to be in the messiness of that.
Pretty sure I do link it to my father.. that's just always going to happen. I don't mind boys being emotional if there is a reason? if it is legit.. I dunno. if it happens really quickly or often or something it just makes me nervous.
&&I'm not sure what part you wanted elaborated
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I trust myself, but just because I have good intentions doesn't mean people won't get hurt. I don't even want to be in the messiness of that.
Life is a risk. Every time we do anything involves some kind of risk. We could all die tomorrow from something incredibly random (aren't I the optimist ) and nothing is gonna stop it if that's what happens. So there's no point in wasting the time that we have -- no sense pacing in circles in life wondering about what's gonna happen next (this coming from the Agoraphobic individual -- don't get me wrong, I have my own issues, I'll never claim otherwise).
My point? If you never give anyone the time of day, you'll never get married. You don't want to get hurt, you don't want others to get hurt, yeah that's all fine and dandy... but in our world, people get hurt. Situations get messy. Dating is a risk. Marriage is a risk. Getting out of bed every morning is a risk. Life is a risk.
If we don't take risks, we don't live. If you want to get married, you'll have to come to terms with stepping outside of your comfort zone eventually. It can be messy, it can be painful.
But it can also be wonderful. So it's either worth the risk? Or it isn't. Nothing in between.
Sorry if this didn't come out all "kind and gentle" like everyone wants advice to be, but I suppose that's not my style
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“A woman’s heart should be so hidden in Christ, that a man should have to seek Him first to find her.” Maya Angelou
1) Our hearts long to be hidden (safe, adored, secure) in something or someone.
2) And the thought of a man seeking God to know our heart is so tender and precious, and would leave any woman feeling extremely loved and cherished.
Yes, our hearts long to be hidden in someone who will protect, love and cherish us immensely for who we are and who we are becoming. But to many women, this quest to be hidden in someone ends in broken hearts, consuming emptiness, and wasted lives.
Take a look at the culture around you. What are most young women “hiding” themselves in? Boyfriends? Appearance? Clothes? Diets? Drugs? Sadly, the answer is yes. Sinful human nature will lead you right to these for satisfaction and happiness. A woman’s identity in this world is based on her man, body, and status. If you don’t have these, you will stand out - in a negative way.
As a result of this unbiblical mindset, young girls are cast into the world scrambling to be hidden in something just to fit in, and to find their own happiness. How cruelly they are deceived when a boyfriend doesn’t make you feel safe, your image changes, and at the end of the day you are still fighting that awful, gnawing hunger for something more in the core of your soul.
Is there a better way? Can women be hidden is something that really satisfies? “Set your mind on things above, not on the things that are on earth. For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God.” Col. 3:2-3
Dying to the world and it’s ways, we can set our hearts on Someone else. Self has died - and life is hidden in Christ! This word “hidden” can also be translated “planted”, like a seed that is buried in the earth. How astounding that we who have died to sin are like a seed, dead in itself; yet in Christ hidden and buried we become alive and fruitful! We are safe and secure in the refuge of Christ, and our hearts are finally at peace and satisfied in His transforming and fulfilling presence. Our hearts are hidden in Christ alone and this is where we belong.
But we must be prepared to realize that we will not “fit in” by the world’s standards. This quest for a hidden heart in Christ results in a set apart lifestyle that is lived differently than those who are in the world. We don’t (shouldn’t) act, dress, talk, or behave like the world, because we don’t seek the things the world seeks. We seek that which is above - that is Jesus our Lord and the virtues He bestows.
And what blessings this hidden life brings! We have Christ and His Word to comfort and encourage, urging us to press on, stay hidden in Him, and live for Him; conforming to His image and persevering in our sufferings. It is in this set apart life lived for Jesus alone that we embrace the hidden heart and it’s pleasures forevermore.
Our hearts seek no one else for the happiness we find in Jesus. And if it be His will, He blesses us with an earthly man who can represent to us Christ Himself in many ways. For the woman whose heart is truly hidden in Christ is favored to receive a man seeking after God’s heart in all his ways - including finding her.
May your heart stay hidden in Jesus.
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Peacechild4: "I am breaking through to the blessed life, Satan you might as well get on up out of my way."
“He will turn the hearts of the fathers to the children and the hearts of the children to their fathers.” // Malachi 4
I trust myself, but just because I have good intentions doesn't mean people won't get hurt. I don't even want to be in the messiness of that.
I think in life we can't avoid hurting people, sometimes it is inevitable and you could be hurting yourself by not allowing yourself to get close to this guy. Don't know if that makes sense, I am pretty tired right now and trying to type up taxonomy notes.
Is part of the reason why you don't want to cause this guy pain because you would be uncomfortable seeing him hurt? I know you mentioned finding it awkward when a guy cries.
Pretty sure I do link it to my father.. that's just always going to happen.
Yeah, you might have to get to the root of it and maybe even have a talk to your dad to try and get closure (if that is possible?). It5 might also be a good idea to get some counselling/hypnotherapy for this.
I don't mind boys being emotional if there is a reason? if it is legit.. I dunno. if it happens really quickly or often or something it just makes me nervous.
My friend is the same way as you but due to a different reason, in her household no one expresses their emotions so when a person, especially a guy cries in front of her she feels apathetic and awkward...unsure of what to do. I guess that childhood really does have an impact.
In what way does it make you nervous? Do you mean that it makes you feel afraid and panicky?
&&I'm not sure what part you wanted elaborated
Oh sorry, I should have elaborated myself then lol. I mean the part about wanting a boy and not a man, I didn't quite understand it.
__________________ Formerly Eyre To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
I often compare singleness to walking through a fog. There are moments in which your senses become inundated with feelings of loneliness and enclosure; not knowing fully what lies ahead. There are also moments in which you are focused and content with what you can see for now. In these moments, you allow the Holy Spirit to guide you. You begin to recall how God has already taken you to a deeper place of knowing Him and entrusting His presence. You begin to realize the connection is still there...well within reach.
Repetition creates persuasion. As we grow in our faith and increasingly trust in His guidance, we begin to walk with an increasingly focused awareness of God’s presence. You begin to enjoy the protection and comfort surrounding you as you look steadily ahead to see what forms appear in the distance.
__________________
Peacechild4: "I am breaking through to the blessed life, Satan you might as well get on up out of my way."
“He will turn the hearts of the fathers to the children and the hearts of the children to their fathers.” // Malachi 4
Life is a risk. Every time we do anything involves some kind of risk. We could all die tomorrow from something incredibly random (aren't I the optimist ) and nothing is gonna stop it if that's what happens. So there's no point in wasting the time that we have -- no sense pacing in circles in life wondering about what's gonna happen next (this coming from the Agoraphobic individual -- don't get me wrong, I have my own issues, I'll never claim otherwise).
My point? If you never give anyone the time of day, you'll never get married. You don't want to get hurt, you don't want others to get hurt, yeah that's all fine and dandy... but in our world, people get hurt. Situations get messy. Dating is a risk. Marriage is a risk. Getting out of bed every morning is a risk. Life is a risk.
If we don't take risks, we don't live. If you want to get married, you'll have to come to terms with stepping outside of your comfort zone eventually. It can be messy, it can be painful.
But it can also be wonderful. So it's either worth the risk? Or it isn't. Nothing in between.
Sorry if this didn't come out all "kind and gentle" like everyone wants advice to be, but I suppose that's not my style
Great post...agreed!!! Steph....because of your past I can see where guys that get emotional quick/easy make you nervous. Same w/my exh...and one of the only guys I was very serious cried/got emotional a lot, very easy...made me uneasy, felt it was manipulative even if he was just an emotional guy, so not the right fit for me. A guy that cries more then I do is NOT going to work at all.
Don't get me wrong....the ocassional show of emotion I see as a good thing...the "easily emotional" guy-not so much.
And yes, as BA mentioned, it's a risk. Love, life, everything is a risk. I was so afraid because of my previous marriage was unwilling to risk anything-I KNOW that way of thinking won't get me anywhere, I will be a slave to my past and the previous hurt. I don't want that for my life anymore.
I am broken! What is wrong with me!!!!!!!
you up" - This Be The Verse by Philip Larkin
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